commited sin {2}

As the steps of Barlog came closer, only one thing came to Drake’s mind. *Hide*
Of course hiding was out of the question, in this open field stadium. Another thing hit him *Protect her*
As he thought more of it, she was the person who gave the MOST sympathy in his life, even more than his parents. Losing all fear, Drake grabs his trusty claw, and pulls out a familiar object, an object that killed thousands, in the plan of his corrupted father, in his hands…
Drake whiplashes into the air, and with blinding speed, sends out 2 sharp steelys into the eye of barlog.

As Barlog screams its fury, Drake swiftly jumps to the girls side and whisks her off to the corner of the stadium.
“Stay here..” is all that Drake couldve managed to say. The girl nodded and scurried off behind a pillar.
In his left hand, Drake clutches his family’s heirloom, diamond dagger, a dagger that feeds on blood and flesh.
Drake quickly speeds near Barlog’s feet, then hacked at the ankle 6 times, the avg of a bandit, then swiftly switches to his claw, and fires off 2 steelys at the ankle, in his retreat. The Barlog, now on one knee, roars in rage, then suddenly flaps its mighty wings, merely chained by steel chainz, not enough to stop the enormous beast. The barlog, in its blind havoc, breaks through the ceiling of the stadium, where it flew off, to the depths unknown by all of Maple.
Drake, saw only two options at this point, run off again, or turn his self in. He suddenly remembered the abused girl, and quickly made his decision….

As Drake jumped through the forest, he merely paused for the girl. “Hurry up, we dont want to be caught by the Papal Knights, or even any bowmen or warrior.” The girl quickly landed on the same branch of tree Drake was on and replied, ” Dont’ worry, if there was people searching for us, I would sense them.” Drake wasnt convinced, ” Well, at any rate, lets move on, by the way, what’s your name?” The girl looked a little nervous but replied quickly, “Jen… what about yours?”
“Drake Mjllornir… lets keep on moving…”

Ill have 2 re edit later
holy cow!, its 5 in the morning here >.> well good morning >.>

7 thoughts on “commited sin {2}”

  1. You just posted like. . 4 blogs in a row. o_o


    Do you think that you can put Commited Sin l and ll together?

    And the ksing blog and the CPQ thinger together.

    ‘Cause you’re spamming the other blogs away. >_<

  2. lol, srry, im tired today T_T FIVE IN THE FRIGGN MORNING
    i couldnt go to sleep w/out typing this T_T ill edit later -drowses to sleep-

  3. But why post it when it’s not edited?

    What if 1 of yur sentances lok liek dis how we re@d it?


  4. T_T, cant u guys let a mistake go? i wrote it in 5 AM ok?
    geesh, everbody is a critic
    makes me wanna quit mmotales >.>
    -koff block the website i meant-

  5. and when i meant constructive critism, i meant like about the story, not my grammar or something i dont wanna hear about

  6. Again, check spelling. Grammar could use some work. Length is an issue again. The fight scene was a bit short and rough, but that’s ok. It’s nothing you can’t improve on .

    -=The Nazgul=-

  7. mapler4 said: “and when i meant constructive critism, i meant like about the story, not my grammar or something i dont wanna hear about”

    No offense meant, especially since I didn’t read this, but how can you tell people to go away when they give you constructive criticism about your grammar? I understand you’re seeking criticism for your storytelling skills, but don’t you think grammar is just as important? When you write something, the words you use are the medium. The way those words are used convey the story. If they’re used improperly, people will be left confused and turned off by the lack of effort. Proper grammar and spelling are just as important to writing a story as plot, characters, setting, etc. Lack of effort on grammar reflects upon lack of effort in general.

    I mean, learning to use proper grammar is essential to learning to write well in general. If you’re asking for help, don’t be picky about what you get. Someone’s offering you help, and just because you don’t wanna hear it, you shouldn’t ignore that help, especially if you realize you need it. I mean, imagine learning how to drive without learning how to use a steering wheel. A rather foolish proposition, no?

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