Sooo.
I’ve finally decided to make an MMO Tales acount, and since I’m not in the mood of playing MS, I’ll try out a comic.
Part One
Ten years ago, a young child was born.
His family was full of bowmen, and throw in a couple Assassins.
But this child, had no chance of being either.
This child’s name was Mikey.
He wanted to become a warrior when he grew up.
He came from a clan called the Endura, which were rivals with warriors.
He didn’t understand the point of using arrows or stars to kill enemy’s that came your way.
Mikey lived in Lith Harbor, a small shore town.
He came from a family whom would have to save up enough mesos to buy an apple.
Until one day, when Mikey broke his clans biggest rule; Never become a warrior.
He was chased out of his town, and his parents were killed for being bad roll-models.
Days past and past, and Mikey’s death slowly arose.
“Ahh careful!” was all Mikey could hear in Henyeses Hunting Ground. He was camping there for now, slowly killing snails trying to pick up enough mesos to buy food.
As Mikey layed down on the stack of hay, he saw an amazing sight.
A White Knight walked into the Hunting Ground, turned on his Ice Charge, and began obliterating everything in sight.
Each snail was taken down by the touch of the knights sword, the Blue Screamer.
Mikey was flabbergasted, he couldn’t believe his eyes. The White Knight got on top of the stack of hay, ignoring all the newbies asking for mesos, and climbed up the ladders until he reached the top layer of the Hunting Ground.
Each and every single green mushroom began running away from the cold aura that came from the White Knights Blue Screamer.
Mikey, being young still, climbed up the ladder, taking hits from the slimes, mushrooms, and stumps to get up to the top layer.
He pulled on this Knights Dark Battle Road.
“Mister, what are you?” Mikey asked with a tone of confusion.
The man turned around, revealing his hair. He had Metro hair. The knight smiled and went on top of a stack of hay, and sat down.
“I am a White Knight.” He claimed in a wise voice.
Mikey, amazed of the way this White Knight fought, wanted to become one.
“Wow mister, how do you become on?!?” Mikey asked, having countless more questions in his mind.
“You become one once you get approval of Dances with Barlog.”
Mikey tilted his head.
“And where’s he?”
“He lives on the highest mountain in Perion, the land of the Protet.”
Mikey stared at the Knight with fear.
Protet was his old clans most hated enemy.
Holy crap ipod…
-=The Nazgul=-
Seems like it could have a good plot, but I must be a grammar nazi! Lulz.
Okay, that’s past tense.
Might wanna revise ‘and throw in a couple Assassins.’ Maybe ‘though an occasional Assassin poked his head through the family tree.’
No comma needed.
Expand on that. Why were they rivals? What was the source of the feud? Was there a huge battle between the clans? What did they do to each other?
Role models, not roll-models. Could expand on this too. How they were killed, the child’s terror, the horror, oh my!
Lay down. And change saw to something more exciting, like witnessed.
Nice, but . . . crud, I can’t think of anything. Maybe more emotion?
Ah, newbie’s touch. Always works. And nice details, though maybe change ‘got on top of’ to ‘climbed to the top of’.
Okay, this confuses me. You referred to the warrior as White Knight, and now Mikey’s asking what he is? Maybe just refer to the White Knight as ‘mighty warrior’ or something until after this point.
Might wanna do ‘revealing his Metro hair’ or ‘revealing his hair, which had been combed in a Metro style’. And don’t say ‘went on top and sat down’, but instead ‘swiftly jumped up to the pile of hay, which almost gave way to his mighty force. The knight then beckoned for Mikey to come over’.
Will the story be in present or past tense? Don’t let me discourage you from writing this story. Keep on! And sorry for all the criticism, I’ve been annoyed at my Internet connection that took me an hour to fix. Meh.
~Pod
Well there’s a flashback at the beginning, and then it continues to the present.
And about the WK and the how did he not know,
I said that a WK walked into the grounds, Mikey didn’t know about him being one.
And meh, I guess i’ll begin my 2nd one
You might also want to write paragraphs and not press enter after every sentence.