[MS-Off Topic]

For Valentine’s Day:

I have come to realize that a picky girl will never be satisfied with the gifts guys buy her. Most of the time, you don’t know b/c she pretends to like it (but starts acting cold to you). Here are my reasons with a lot of joke scenarios that are sometimes true.

::Chocolates::

– Scenario 1- You buy her a box of chocolates to show her that you’re romantic and she gets mad at you for trying to fatten her up and that she’s on a diet and “how could you!”

– Scenario 2 – She likes the chocolates, gobbles it up and then complains about how fat she is now that she ate all the chocolates and hates you for making her fat. Good going, you.

– Scenario 3 – You don’t buy her chocolates and she was expecting it, so she is secretly mad at you and becomes cold toward you.

::Flowers::

– Scenario 1 – You buy her a bouquet of flowers and she yells at you for wasting your money on buying her flowers.

– Scenario 2 – You buy her a bouquet of flowers and she cries and hates you b/c you didn’t get her the flowers that she likes.

– Scenario 3 – You buy her a rose (a flower) and she gets mad at you because she expects a bouquet of roses (or flowers).

– Scenario 4 – You buy her [insert color] rose (or flower) and she quickly analyzes the “hidden meaning of that rose (or flower) and also, the color–and reacts in different manners ranging from mad, sad, stay-away-from-me, omg-i-don’t-like-you-that-much-how-do-i-dump-him

– Scenario 5 – You don’t buy her flowers and she secretly fumes and gives you cold shoulders during your date.

::Plushie Doll/Teddy Bear::

– Scenario 1 – You buy her a small plushie, and she is disappointed that it is not big enough.

– Scenario 2 – You buy her a plushie, and she is disappointed that it is not cute enough.

– Scenario 3 – You buy her a plushie, and she is disappointed and in disbelief that it isn’t a brand-name plushie or that it came from a *gasp* a cheap store!

– Scenario 4 – You spend $100+ on a big plushie, and she feels guilty for having you spend that much (or tells you to return it).

– Scenario 5 – She hates plushies and you get her one, and she pretends to like it and donates it (hides it in her closet).

::Jewelry::

– Scenario 1 – You buy her a piece of jewelry, and she is disappointed b/c it’s ugly but she pretends to like it.

– Scenario 2 – You buy her a piece of jewelry that she wanted, and she feels guilty that you spent so much on that jewelry and feels bad wearing it.

– Scenario 3 – You buy her a piece of jewelry that she likes, but never wears it.

– You buy her a piece of jewelry and when she learns that it is XX KT or ____ gemstone, and she gets mad at you b/c you “should have known that I hate/like ____”

::Lingerie::

– You want to surprise her with a piece of lingerie, and she gets mad at you b/c she secretly has body insecurities. You also get bombarded with “I’m fat *crys*” comments.

– You buy her the wrong size/s and she gets insecure about her body and crys.

– You asked for help in picking out the lingerie and when she learns about it, she gets mad at you for letting someone else know her size.

– She doesn’t like what you bought.

– She tries it on in the bathroom and takes it off b/c she doesn’t look like a model and feels bad about her body. You get bombarded with “I’m fat *crys*” comments.

::Homemade V-Day gifts/surprises::

– Scenario 1 – You think she’ll like how romantic you are, but she secretly thinks it’s cheesy and that you’re a wimp, but she pretends to love it.

– Scenario 2 – You surprise her and she hates surprises.

– Scenario 3 – You make her something and she personally thinks you are a cheapskate.

::Dinner-date::

– Scenario 1 – You take her out for a nice dinner, at a place that is not “posh” enough.

– Scenario 2 – You take her out for a nice dinner, at an expensive place, and she feels guilty about you spending lots of money on the dinner and she complains that you should have chosen a cheaper place and purposefully chooses a cheap plate and forgoes desert.

– Scenario 3 – You take her out at a resturant that she has been too and she complains that she wanted to go to another restaurant.

– Scenario 4 – You take her out to a restaurant she hasn’t been to, and she complains that she wanted to go to her favorite restaurant.

– Scenario 5 – You take her out to eat and she complains that she wanted a romantic homemade dinner

::Homemade Dinner::

– Scenario 1 – You make a homemade dinner and she complains that she wanted to have a candle-lit dinner at restaurant X.

– Scenario 2 – You make a homemade dinner, and it’s really bad, but she pretends to like it and praises your food.

– Scenario 3 – You make a homemade dinner, and she secretly thinks that it is corny and doesn’t like it, but goes along with it and now sees you as a sissy romantic guy.

– Scenario 4 – Your homemade dinner doesn’t go out as planned, so she secretly thinks you ruined her special day, but tells you that it’s okay.