Less Than Fantasy, More Than Reality – Chapter 8
Ultima66

“That’s it,” Mark said, Janet taking it all in, “I loved and I lost.”

“Why don’t you just tell it off? You could lie and say you had nothing to do with her,” Janet replied.

“Of course I could, but I might be in trouble for lying in the first place, and besides, I don’t want to. I care too much about Amy,” he said.

“Sure you do. I don’t see how you could like someone like that anyways,” she responded.

“Well it’s not your business. Just because she’s a Diclonius doesn’t make her less of a person you know,” he said.

“You’re an idiot, Mark. I care about you and I want to see you come out of here alive, but seriously you’re an idiot. I don’t see Amy here, do you? She’s dead for all you know, and you still go on trying to honor her,” she yelled at him, “I came here to see if I could do anything for you after years of being away, and you won’t even listen to reason.”

“It’s not just for her,” he said, pulling a small box out from under his shirt, “It’s for her too, Darlene.”

“Mark, why do you do it? You always have your head up in the clouds or something. It wouldn’t hurt to think a bit more before doing stuff if you plan on living till you’re at least 35,” she told him.

“You know neither of us will probably live past 35 and you know damn well why,” he said.

“I’m planning on living for a long time, and I know how. You should too,” she said.

“There are some sacrifices worth making, Janet,” he said, looking down.

“Of course there are. And this one isn’t. First of all, I think you’re stupid for even trying this. Second of all, even if you did believe Diclonius shouldn’t be treated this way and they’re like us, then you should think about staying alive to let others know that, not that I think you’re gonna stay alive with that attitude or belief anyways. Furthermore, I know there are sacrifices worth making. Everyone has to sacrifice their dignity and lie if they wanna make it,” she said in an angry voice.

“Well I guess we see everything differently. Is this why we stopped talking to each other?” he asked.

“No, we stopped talking to each other because I moved away for college and I never really cared that much about our parents to come back often,” she answered.

“No, that’s not it. We always fought when we were living together. You always thought I was stupid. I never really wanted to get ahead of anyone,” he said.

“That too. It’s the same damn argument, Mark. The same damn argument…” she trailed off.

“Are you mad at me? I’m happy as I am, and you despise that I could be happy in these conditions. I’m still content with my life even though you think my ideas are all wrong. If you’re mad at me you can go ahead and be mad.” he said.

“I’m a bit mad at you, yes,” she said, “But it’s not because of you. I just wonder if I have to really learn anything from you. It’s different, happiness for us. You know how hard I worked? In school, I worked almost all the time when I wasn’t in school, and I still had to study. I got maybe 10 hours of sleep a week, if that much, and that’s just from dozing off during weekdays, I guess. I’d say more than half of that time was during weekends, and it’s still only 3 hours or so because I had to study for tests.”

“Janet, I really had no idea. I’m sorry,” he said.

“Don’t be sorry. I told you, I’ve still got things to learn from you, apparently,” she said, “But that’s not all. To get the money for school I had to work during the summer too. I held 2 day job and a night job, still barely any sleep. I didn’t eat much either, since my schedule was so busy I tended to skip meals to get to work on time or to get sleep. I became really sick. It went on like that for a long time, too. I finally checked in to a hospital most of the way through my third year, since even if I had to miss school I’d be able to pass. They said if it had gone on for any longer I could have died. They told me I had at most 3 more months at that rate.”

Mark saw tears come to her eyes, and he began to want to cry, too. “Why didn’t you ever tell any of this to our parents? Maybe you could have gotten some financial help,” he said, “They had some money.”

“Mark, you’re the kind of person who is kind of smart, but dumb at the same time. You have contempt towards people for hurting you, and you can really be irrational about it. When I came here you were mad at the world. It’s the same world you’ve lived in for so long now, why does it suddenly bother you? You just never noticed it, since you think more about yourself. Me, I’m the kind of person who has contempt towards people better than me. I notice people around me all the time. I couldn’t have borrowed money from out parents, nor accepted it as a gift. I’d think I was less than them if I had. Anyways, I passed that year on the borderline, spending months in the hospital. I finally decided to take out a loan from the bank to finish school without killing myself of fatigue. I didn’t graduate at the top of the class because of what happened that year, but after I did graduate all my professors and my doctor and a lot of my classmates threw a party just for me. It made me feel even more like working that hard was the only way to live and succeed, and I guess you’re proving to me it’s not,” she said crying.

“I really didn’t know. I’m sorry,” he said.

“Don’t be sorry, Mark. You shouldn’t be. I made up my mind a long time ago to be apart from my family, and until now, it’s happened. I made myself completely independent and isolated, and this is who I am. I… I never went to that party, Mark. I called and said I wouldn’t be coming since I had to work, and started hanging up on them and turned off the phone when they kept calling me to tell me to go. When I arrived at work I found out that I had been fired because they needed me somewhere else and not at my usual office and tried to call me but couldn’t reach me. I turned on my phone and found hundreds of missed calls, voice mails, and messages. They just kept on calling. I turned off my phone again. I decided to go home and get some sleep for the night job I had to work – I know I shouldn’t have but I needed to pay off the loan and I began falling back into old habits. I woke up at maybe 10 at night, and I got like 8 hours of sleep finally, and turned on my phone. Hundreds of more missed calls. They called again 5 minutes after I turned on the phone and I picked up. It was one of my friends. She said everyone was still there. Everyone. And the party still hadn’t started yet. They really cared about me, Mark, and now I can’t believe I let them down,” she continued crying, now harder than before, “They finally left the next morning, and one of my friends came over to say sorry to me that they had bothered me so much. Can you believe that? I stood them up for so many hours and they were sorry to me. They did everything for me and I took none of it.”

Mark felt nauseous, and something ate at him inside that felt almost like the time Amy admitted she was a Diclonius. “I… I really can’t say anything,” he told her.

“Mark, look at you. You look alright. Now look at me. I’m so pale. I’m thinner than I should be. It’s from those years, Mark. Now that I really think about it I wonder how I ever did that in the first place,” she said.

“And I wonder how I could have forgotten you for so long,” Mark said, “Janet, I would hate to think what I would feel like if something had happened to you. I love you, you know. We’re siblings.”

“No, Mark. You don’t love me, and I don’t love you. I made sure of that years ago. You care about me since you knew me in the past, but you don’t really love me. And no matter what you want, I’m never going to empathize with your problem either. So you think my life is sad, big deal. Things like this happen, Mark, and you don’t really think that much of it because you just shouldn’t,” she told him.

“That’s not true. It can’t be. How can family members not love each other?” he asked.

“Our parents loved us. You love them, but you don’t really love me. I don’t love any of you. You see, Mark, they gave birth to me. From the way they treated us, I know they loved us. I distanced myself from you on purpose, you know. I didn’t love any of you and I didn’t want to make you think you did love me,” she said.

“It just doesn’t seem right,” he said.

“Well then you can take some time to think about it. I’m gonna go, Mark. You’re not going to see me again. I’ve to things to think about myself, now. Well, if I see you again, then it’ll be because I’m looking for you, but I won’t be looking for you for a long time, if ever. Take care of yourself, if you can, anyways. You’re probably going to die, just so you know. Try not to die depressed about your older sister,” she told him.

She walked out, leaving behind a misty silence that seemed surreal. Mark felt cold. It was like he had no one. Just when he felt he could really understand his sister, she walked away. Fate played tricks on his heart so often, he wondered if he would ever stop being the fool. He wished he could just see Amy one more time.

A guard came in. “Alright now, it’s lights out. Everyone better sleep, and don’t do anything funny because the night shift will get you and you’ll be in hot water. Got that?”

The room echoed with his voice. No response, just as he was used to. It was better not to talk to the cops. Even a response to a question could get you in trouble. Of course, not responding could get you in trouble too, but it had just been a pattern at the jail that no one responds when the cop talks to everyone, and it was real trouble to break a custom.

Mark felt the small glass box in his hands, lay down on the bed, and cradled it in his arms before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

Everything was bright. Mark was in a classroom, sitting in a seat in the middle of the room. He felt a hat on his head and removed it to take a look at it. It was a stiff cowboy hat, which was strange considering he had never worn one in his life.

Suddenly, he heard the room explode in whispers. People all around him started saying “look at Mark.” The teacher looked up. It someone appearing to be Janet, but something was different. Suddenly, he noticed what was different. Everyone around him was a Diclonius, horns and all.

“You know the rules, Mark. I’m sorry, you’ll have to come with me,” Janet told him.

She led him out of the classroom and into the building. It was just like how he remembered his high school. When they had gotten to a room that was where the teacher’s lounge would have been, the dream Janet stopped. She took a key out of her pocket and opened the locked door with it.

It was a plain room, nothing in particular. In fact, there was no window in the room, and on the opposite side was another door. The floor was made up of tile and looked like it was cleaned more often than normal. A single box sat to the side of the room.

They walked in and Janet closed the door. She walked over to the box.

“I want you to open that door,” she said.

“What?” Mark turned to her and asked, “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I’m telling you to open the door. Just do it,” she said.

Mark reached his hand for the doorknob, but before he could even touch it a sharp cold pain erupted in his back. He jumped and turned and saw Janet, holding on to the handle of a bloody knife that she had taken out of the box.

“Sorry, Mark, but you know the rules. Humans can’t be alive, or else the world will someday be infested with them. It just can’t happen, can it? Don’t you want to see the world be a better place? Well I’m making it happen for you. Just think of it as a gift to everyone else,” she said.

He blacked out.

He awoke in an even stranger place. He was behind the cash register of a store. He felt weak. His whole body ached, and he could barely stand up. He wanted to throw up. He looked around, and a clock nearby said it was 5:00 a.m.

The world seemed to spin around him, and he could only take weak short breaths through the pain in his chest. Someone came in.

“Hey, can you tell me the way to the airport?” the man grunted. He was a medium-height man with a pretty heavy build.

“I… I… I’m sorry, I don’t know,” Mark replied. It shocked Mark how weak his voice was.

“What’d you say? You don’t know? I can barely hear you anyways. I’ll just find another place to ask, goddamn kids,” he said, walking out.

He looked down. What seemed to be a textbook stared back into his eyes, almost unable to see from being so weary. His stomach felt empty and he wanted to throw up, or more like he was going to throw up, had there been anything in his stomach to actually come out. His stomach burned. Ulcers? He yawned and even the intake of air from that pained him greatly.

Suddenly, he felt a soothing touch on his chest, and he was back in the jail cell. A shadow stood over him. He looked down and it was floating off the ground.

“Shhhh…” it whispered, “It’s me, Amy. Now don’t make a sound, and come out with me. I’ll explain later.”

“How-” he started to ask.

“I told you not to talk,” she whispered. She lifted him up with her vectors and silently they floated out the window of his jail cell, the bars gone from it.

Mark saw her outside in the moonlight. She was bruised somewhat badly, but she kept her radiance an beauty still.

“Mark, we can get to the woods without making any noise and without getting seen. I have a car in the woods, so no one will notice when we go in the car that you broke out. Then we’ll drive away. I might not be accepted as I am no matter where I go, but in another city, they won’t know us, and we’ll be fine,” she said, “We can still run.”

“Amy, how did you…” he started.

“I’ll tell you in the car,” she said. They continued floating, Mark now gripping Amy, feeling warm now that the nightmare was over and that Amy was alright.

Just as Amy had planned, they got to the woods and into their car without being seen or heard.

“Alright, now tell me,” he said.

“Well, Mark. I saw you run away. I wanted you to run, but seeing it for myself made me find will in myself to fight. I fought. I committed murder, too, and it had to be that way. I stayed in hiding and snooped around to find out where you were, and I decided I had to break you out. I knew you thought I was dead, and it would be completely unfair if I was alive and you died not knowing it, so I had to save you. You gave me courage, too, Mark. You really inspired me,” she told him.

“I don’t really inspire anyone, Amy,” he said.

“No, but I love you, and that inspires me,” she told him.

“Amy, I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to know you’re alright. My sister talked to me in there,” he said.

“Really? What did she say?” she asked.

“Well, I haven’t seen her for years. I told her all about us and how it all happened, and she thinks I’m crazy. She told me how hard her struggle through life had been. I had no clue,” he said, “She worked so hard through school that she got really sick, and when her friends threw a party for her after she graduated after all the trouble, she never went since she wanted to work.”

“It sounds horrible,” Amy said.

“I dreamed I was her,” he said, “It hurt. My whole body hurt more than I could have ever imagined. I have no idea how she did it. We disagree about everything, but I’m still shocked she could have been that strong.”

“And she disagrees about me?” Amy asked.

“Well, unfortunately, she does,” Mark said to her.

“That’s to be expected,” she said.

“She knows that too. She doesn’t want to change me or anything, she just feels differently,” he said, “But she wants me to try not to get myself killed.”

“That’s good to hear. It’s nice when siblings get along. You love her?” she asked.

“No, I mean, I do, but then… Okay well she said we don’t love each other and she made sure to it when she left the family a long time ago for her education. She said she never loved us and she just didn’t want to make things worse if I had loved her so she just left. I mean, I think I do, but then she says I don’t, so I don’t really know,” he said, “And it’s not like how I love you, since we’re siblings, and I don’t have another sibling that I do love so I’m not so sure either way.”

“Mark, you’re really confusing sometimes,” she told him, “Then again, you confuse yourself.”

“Haha, I guess I do, don’t I?” he responded jokingly. He had only been with Amy a little while and he was already feeling better.

“So you’re alright now?” she said.

“Well, with you around, yeah,” he responded.

“Mark, you’re the luckiest guy I have ever known. You should do some work. You wanna drive?” she asked him.

“Why? You want me to?” he asked.

“Well I was the one who had stayed up so long to get the plan in place and to get you up. I’m tired, and I don’t want to get in a wreck or anything. We’re almost out of the state anyways. Why don’t you take us out?” she said.

“That would be great, Amy,” he said, and they both smiled at each other.

They pulled over at a stop, and they switched seats. Amy sat loosely and stared down sleepily. Mark started driving and she leaned her head back and slightly opened her eyes.

Mark drove for a few minutes until they reached the state line. Amy stared up at the sign that said they were leaving the city and state lines. They passed holding their breaths, but nothing happened.

Amy exhaled. “Thank God,” she said, and she closed her eyes and went to sleep. Mark kept on driving, following the highway.

They drove on and on. The world could change. Their lives surely would, and they knew they could change the world if they tried. If not them, who else? Mark grinned as he thought of being able to change the world, and he was happy when he saw the orange rays of sunrise strike the horizon. It was beautiful, just like that day he spent with Amy. Beautiful like the force of will his sister had shown. The world could be beautiful, he suddenly realized, and he knew that he would have to try to make it that way.