Jeuneau regains his own composure and picks up his beloved, above average mountain crossbow which he has affectionately dubbed “Mr. Vivisection” and once again attempts to assist the only member of this cock circus that is actually free of any and all mental deficiency, Annie Oakley. Now Jeuneau’s an irishman, why in the name of SWEET HOLY FRIGGIN’ ICICLES would he be lucky? No. Porkchop the autistinater has found his way into a big ol’ box of ASSTARD CRUNCH… BREAKFAST OF INVALIDS… … NOW WITH MORE INEPTITUDE! He does not understand the object of this stage at all! The complexity of gathering the same number of brightly colored coupons as the answer to a ludicrously simple question FREAKIN’ ASTOUNDS him! As Jeuneau readily and gratefully abandons all confidence in the human race he proceeds to load his crossbow with unbridled glee at the prospect of gruesomely murdering this fine example of how-not-to-have-any-value-as-a-human in the most horrific of fashions… By which I mean being shot up the ass with a flaming crossbow bolt. Just when our hero is about to make the world’s collective IQ just that much higher, Porkchop (being the adorable little FLIPPER-ARMED THALIDIMIDE-BABY he is) finally stops counting his teeth and turns to face Jeuneau. Now one might think (and they’d be wrong) that, at the very least, Jeuneau might be forced to hold off pincushioning his fleshy target now that his hollow-skulled buddy had turned to see the large, loaded crossbow staring at his snare drum-like skull. No. I do SO hope you remember what I said about Jeuneau’s problem-solving skills, do you not?

…Jeuneau thought Porkchop looked a bit like a braindamaged unicorn with that crossbow bolt protruding from his forehead. Porkchop thought so too. Thinking quickly, and with a great desire to avoid returning to prison, Jeuneau said “Umm… There was a bug on your face.” Porkchop stared at his leader in confusion for a moment before replying, “Didya get it?” In absolute disbelief, Jeuneau loaded another bolt and planted it above porkchop’s right eye… Porkchop continued to stare dumbly at his leader when Jeuneau told him, “Got it.” Porkchop blinked, dazed as much by his crippling fear of insects as by the two crossbow bolts lodged in his face. “Thanks, Cap’n! You’re always lookin’ out for me!” Porkchop proceeds to go do what he does best, get his ass kicked by Ligators.

The group of entrepid heroes somehow manages to pass the 1st stage, in a mere 16 minutes! With plenty of time to spare, (NO) they make their way into the 2nd stage. The 2nd stage, consisting of a simple puzzle, with four possible solutions, requiring only a small amount of coordination and teamwork should be no trouble for a mentally handicapped mute, an even more severely mentally handicapped mage who, for some reason, has been shot twice in the face with a crossbow, an extremely violent crossbowman who is intolerant of stupidity, and a completely sane mage who can’t get any assistance from any of the other three, right? Yeah, even the narrator can’t say that with a straight face. Now, the three members need to each climb onto one of four vines and have the leader see if the attempted combination is, indeed, the right one. And, as always, Porkchop makes everything complicated by being simple. (funny how that works, huh?) Sukigame is another story, while he is in fact, a friggin’ moron, he takes orders well, and can understand english. Annie Oakley and Sukigame take their positions, each on a different vine. As ordered, Porkchop miraculously, ALMOST, does something right. He climbs one of the vines and waits for his leader to try the combination. This would be the end of our story if all was as it seems, so it can’t be, right? Unfortunately, right. Annie notices that Porkchop has indeed made a grievous mistake, in that he climbed THE SAME FREAKIN’ VINE AS SHE DID. Accordingly, Annie, god bless her, kicks Porkchop in the head, not only throwing him to the tree branch below, but also hammering one of the crossbow bolts deeper. For the first time since the start of this whole fiasco, Jeuneau cracks a smile, which quickly fades when -against his most secret, heartfelt wish- Porkchop gets up. He miraculously gets the idea and climbs another vine. HUZZAH!! It works! 3rd stage ahoy! It seems, at last, that maybe Jeuneau will have some luck this day after all!

Who the HELL are you kidding? #5, getting his hopes up… err… having hope at all. Silly goose, you should know by now…