I need a place…..

…To let out my anger.

This might get deleted, but I need to know somebody’s read this.

Maybe someone can tell me what to do.

From those of you who know me outside of here, I’m probably the hardiest, most rock-solid kid you’d have found. Nothing can break me, nothing.

Yet. I’ve been having a life that probably shouldn’t be mine.
I’ve never relied on my parents for anything whatsoever.
I always work for my stuff.
At age fourteen, i shud be worrying about school. that’s it.
I worry about my payday at this age, just to get that guitar i wanted.
I starve myself during lunch sometimes, to save up pennies for that guitar.

Story One:

My parents set aside a stash of fifty-dollar notes. Specifically for my everyday allowance. they give me one note a day, no more, no less.
Of course, If i save up for a guitar, and i starve myself, all of my money will be in fifty dollar notes.

My mom loses 700 dollars from the stash.
First person she goes to, me.
And I haven’t walked into my parents room in a year.
she says, “if you dont come up with 700 dollars by the end of this week, yI’m phoning the police.
I’m fourteen, if she uses a threat like that, she mens it.

Story two:

Two days after.
I come back from work, 15 minutes late, and I end up making the whole family late to an important dinner.
My punishment: losing my cellphone.
I have a geography project due. Group project, none of my group does crap independantly, I’ve lost contact to the dozen that dont have e-mail/msn.
It goes straight to my final grade.
You get an E here, and E is what u see at ur final report.

If i get lower than a B, I get grounded from everything but work/living for a year.

I hate my family.
I hate this world.
I hate my friends for having happy lives.
I hate myself.
I should’ve never been born.


3 thoughts on “I need a place…..”

  1. Dude , I don’t know what to say , but hell yeah . You know I’m always there for you .

  2. I agree that life sucks. There’s no two ways around it. You hang on, and you just continue living. That’s all you can do.

    My dad died two years ago. My mum just got diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. We have no income, we’re relying on whatever my dad’s left behind. We were actually doing okay, but MS needs lifelong treatment and weekly injections that run up to thousands a month. The money will run out one day. I’m in uni now, and the fees aren’t cheap. I can’t get subsidies because of the money we have saved in the bank. So the future is kind of bleak.

    I didn’t tell you all that for pity or whatever. I’ve come to terms with it. I know that I’ll just have to deal with it. What I want to say is that I understand the feeling that life sucks. I look at my friends and marvel at how they can just decide to have a night out with their friends and not have to be home to spend time with their parents. I am surprised at how little time they spend with their family, at how selfish they are with their lives, to spend all of it simply having fun with their friends, and so little with the people who matter most. I’m not saying friends aren’t important because they are, and my friends have been my pillar of support and source of sanity. But family is something you don’t treasure until you have none left, and I’m very close to losing mine.

    Anyway I wish you good luck with your money-making exploits, and do hang in there. We’re here for you.

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