Synopsis:
He always had something against giving flowers to girls. Heck, the whole Valentine’s Day thing made him feel positively murderous. But little did he know that this time, he wouldn’t mind it quite as much…

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Zeno eyed askance at the pink floating balloon shoved into his face, then punched it out of his sight with his claw-clad hand, much to the shock of the little boy trying to sell it to him.

‘Careful, mister, you might burst it with that Scarab!’ The boy yelped, reeling the single balloon back on its string to hastily reunite it with its equally pink and bobby cousins.

‘Get out of my way, kid, or your balloons wouldn’t be the only things that get popped.’ Zeno practically growled, waving the raggedly dressed kid away and trying to stride ahead.

‘But mister! Don’t a handsome man like you have some missus to please this Valentine’s day? I bet she wouldn’t say no-’

Zeno felt himself move reflexively; the sharp twisting gesture that brought his Steelies down from their storage slot in his claw, the flick of the hand to catch the knife before it flew to kill and the locking of his fingers as they held the razor-sharp tip of the Steely steady to point at the kid’s throat.

‘-to a nice frigging cute pink heart of a bloody balloon, yes?’ Zeno helped the now tongue-tied boy finish his sales pitch.

It made a strange scene, a ‘Sin in full battle armour holding a balloon boy at throwing knife’s point in the midst of numerous floating heart-shaped balloons proclaiming ‘LOVE’ in shiny pink, right smack in the middle of the crowded marketplace of desert town Perion. No doubt it would feel right at home in the middle of an insane comedy desperate for laughs from any avenue.

The ‘Sin snarled. ‘Now. What do you suppose I’ll say?’

‘Umm…No?’ The kid squeaked, eyes wide in terror as he stared up at the fury in Zeno’s green eyes.

‘How clever. And what do you suppose you’ll do now?’ At that, the child backed away and turned to run, his balloons bobbling madly on their strings behind him as he sped away from the crazy ‘Sin man as fast as his bare feet could carry him through the crowd gathered around them.

He sensed the eyes of the people in the crowd on him, and whirled onto the nearest few, which happily happened to be a couple with identical pink-gemstone rings on their fingers, the air in their immediate vicinity tinted with more pink by the magic in the Sold-For-Only-One-Hundred-Thousand-Cash-Points-Get-Your-Love-One-Today! rings.

Zeno grinned, a menacing smile that half-bared his teeth. ‘I’m sorry, would you have liked to buy one of those helium-filled cellophane skins for your girlfriend there?’

‘Uh, actually y- I mean, no.’ The guy took one look at the Steely still in Zeno’s hand and muttered hurriedly. His girlfriend shot Zeno a poisonous glare and let herself be tugged off.

The pair carried their pink-tainted air away, as the girl pouted and whined into the guy’s ear. ‘But I wanted that balloon! You said you’d get it for me!’

By then, the rest of the crowd had scattered, and there was a blessedly clear area around him for the next few minutes. No lovey-dovey couples, no irritating salespeople trying to sell him something pink, and best of all-

As if sensing the ideal chance to further irritate him, his communicator at his belt started up again and wailed loudly enough for him to hear the bold and highlighted words, ‘euu my lubb 4eva, & we 2gether r 4eva! <3 woshiigurlgurl! MWU-’

Zeno ground his teeth and stabbed at his comm irately, cutting off the message before it could come to its inevitable mushy end. For pete’s sake, he thought darkly to himself as he stomped out of town and off into the wildlands of Perion. If you had some sweet nothing to tell to your sugar-pumpkin, at least bloody hell do it in some private place. And with correct grammar too!

How he hated it, as the Day of Uber-schmuffy-and-PINK! Love neared. The incessant shouts of ‘lubb’ declarations and announcements of countless matchmaking sessions broadcasted across the universal (and, for obvious reasons of commercial profits, unblockable) Megaphone channel made his teeth grate, if not because of the extreme mushiness but also for the inane language used and the pure waste of mesos.

All that thinking about Irksome Things made him feel like massacring Innocent Things, and so he went out there and made it so. No less than fifty unsuspecting Green Mushrooms and eighty Wooden Stumps had as their last glimpse of the Maple World the sight of an angry green-eyed ‘Sin and a rain of razor sharp Steelies.

‘Oh, urgh.’ Zeno made a face as he saw what popped out from the green mushroom he had just killed. A giant long-stemmed blue rose laid on the ground, its bright green stalk and crisp blue petals a spot of stark colour against the sun-beaten rocky path of dusty Perion.

He resisted the urge to kick at the flower. ‘Bloody gawd awful things.’ Scuffing the heel of his boots on the ground, the ‘Sin contemplated the rose grumpily.

Thanks to the ever-looming V-day, the demand for such flowers had risen in the week or so since they had appeared, and Zeno was very aware of it. The near deafening and insensible spamming of ‘B> BLUE FLWER FOR GF PL0X@@@@’ all over the Super MegaPhone was hardly easy to miss.

Strangely coloured as it was, the rose was rare and hard to find, and for those very same reasons, they were very popular with the girls. No doubt there would be some mesos in selling that thing. But that would mean encouraging that silly atmosphere already too prevalent around this place, and Zeno chaffed at that idea of turning into one of the vendors he hated

‘Are you wanting that?’ A casual voice broke roughly into his disgusted revelry. He looked up and saw that it was a warrior girl that spoke, a long Mithril Polearm slung easily across her shoulders.

She was a little on the chubby side, with a stubborn round face that would have looked unpleasant if she wasn’t smiling. She kept her hair long under her helm in an attempt to make her round face look smaller, an attempt that failed miserably, Zeno noted. She clearly was strong though, judging from the careless way she held her heavy weapon and the heavy armour she moved so easily around in.

Yet there was a certain shabbiness to her; the staff of her polearm was notched and scratched, and the leather of her armour scruffy. Still, the blade of the weapon remained sharp and keen, and the steel of her armour was painstakingly polished as best as it could be.

‘Want what?’

‘That.’ She jerked her chin at the blue rose. ‘If you don’t want it, I don’t mind having it.’ Her voice was strange, rough like sand, and it caught occasionally as she spoke, making her words veer off-pitch before reverting just as suddenly back to her normal pitch.

‘Why do you want this for?’ Zeno asked, curious but still disgruntled. The monsters he had murdered had done little for his temper. ‘Don’t tell me you’re one of those lovelorn fools looking to collect nineteen of those to pass to your boyfriend or something.’

‘My my.’ The warrior girl raised a dark brown eyebrow. ‘Ain’t someone touchy today. You really don’t care about offending random passers-by, do you.’

‘No, I really don-’

‘I guess not, if what you did to that poor boy earlier on was enough evidence.’ She interrupted him with a roll of her eyes. Her strange scratchy voice somehow amplified her sarcasm and made Zeno keep an uncomfortable silence. ‘People all have their ways of earning a living, and you weren’t helping that kid. And for your information, Mister I’m-too-good-for-pink-balloons, I think it still remains a trend for the guys to do the mushy stuff for the girls. At least, they’d do it for the pretty girls; easier to get them right where they want ‘em to be, right?’

Zeno was confused. ‘Which is where?’

‘Are you really clueless or are you just acting like that, mister?’ The warrior girl laughed, and adjusted her grip on her polearm. ‘In their beds, of course.’ She cast him a withering look. ‘Surely you don’t believe that all you guys out there do it just out of pure, undying love.’

‘Now that’s just uncalled for.’ Zeno felt insulted for being included in that hateful stereotype. ‘How about you girls? I bet not one of them doesn’t at all think about how much mesos they can get out of a certain guy the moment they lay eyes on him.’

She shrugged, unperturbed. ‘I don’t disagree. I usually pick the richer guys to approach. Heck, they’re pretty hard to miss, what with all their godly scrolled Pink Adventurer Capes and fancy clothes.’

‘There you go.’ He grinned at her triumphantly.

Inwardly, however, under that gloating, he felt a lurking feeling of disappointment. Somehow, he hadn’t expected her to admit to operating in the way he always cynically pictured girls to do so. In his brooding, he almost missed what she said next.

‘…Those dudes are usually more willing to pay a higher price to buy a pretty rose for the ever-present girlfriend, mister, and good ol’ me will get to have a full stomach for the next two meals or so.’

‘Oh. I thought…’ He gave a shaky laugh, relief a light and inexplicable feeling in his chest. He must have let that show on his face though, however slightly, because the warrior girl laughed too, a rough cheerful sound.

‘Come on, mister. Do I look like someone men will spend money on?’ She cocked her head, then shook it hurriedly. ‘Wait wait, don’t answer that. Anyway, so we agree that this love business is nothing but a way to earn the money and ensure the survival and continuity of the human race, yes?’

‘That will do.’ Zeno grinned back. What a strange, practical and too-sensibly mercenary girl this-

He realised that he didn’t even know her name.

‘Can I have the rose now, mister? I think I explained myself enough.’ The warrior girl thumped the butt of her polearm on the floor now, impatient. The blue rose continued to lie there, forlornly waiting for someone, anyone to pick it up.

Zeno bent to scoop it up from the ground (Why don’t you just bloody let her do it on her own? A voice muttered in his head). With the cool, and slightly dusty, green stem of the flower between his bare fingers, he held it out to the girl.

‘Thanks.’ She reached out to take the rose, but Zeno pulled it back before she could touch it. ‘Having second thoughts only now, mister?’ She drawled, a slightly irritated look on her round face as she let her fully gloved hand fall and clenched it at her side.

‘The name’s Zeno and I do own it, you know.’ He smirked inwardly at the exasperated roll of her eyes. ‘And who is this that I have been having the most pleasant conversation with?’

‘Everything has a price, I guess. But the rose first, mister Zeno. Please.’ He shrugged and let her tug the rose out from between his fingers, watching as she delicately stowed it away in her bag with a serious frown, taking care to keep from crushing the pristine blue petals.

Finally done, the warrior girl turned back to him. ‘My name’s Gemina,’ she said, her scratchy voice catching in that intriguing way just as she said her own name. ‘But don’t wear it out.’

She turned to go, but stopped mid-step. ‘Oh, and here. Pass me your comm.’ Gemina took it business-like as he handed it over, and tapped in a few digits briskly. ‘Here’s my comm’s number. Message me when you need a rose and wouldn’t kill the vendor for trying to sell you one, mister Zeno; you look like a guy who could pay enough to get me a brand new set of armour.’

‘Thanks for giving me the flower, mister Zeno!’ With a quirky smile that brightened up her surly face momentarily, she hefted her polearm in a friendly salute and walked off into the Perion wildlands, heading towards the bustling town’s Freemarket where no doubt she’d be targeting the richest attached guy she could spot.

Watching her go, Zeno felt an unbidden smile break across his lips. He looked down at his comm, staring at the screen for a while. Then his thumb reached across the number pad and hit the button that would save the number typed across the screen.

Perhaps, Zeno decided, giving roses to girls wasn’t all that mushy after all.

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Merry Chris- Uh. I mean, Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

The problem I have with V-day is the fact that it seems over-commercialised. It makes me want to do exactly what it makes Zeno want to do. The horribly misspelt Super Megaphones did it in for me. So I just threw this together to express my general disgust at Valentine’s day in Maple. XD (If you can call 2,113 words ‘throwing together’.)

Of course, it isn’t terribly accurate; no one actually goes around in-game selling floating pink balloons and waiting to be set upon by cynical and murderous ‘Sins. And I would totally scoop up a Blue Rose if it dropped for me; I’m trying to look for one to buy (or hoping for one to drop) for the real in-game Gemina. It’s pretty, after all.

And the ending is freaking mushy and improbable, imo. Psht. Serves me right for trying to write in this particular genre.

Still. It was fun to write, and I hope you had fun reading it.
Once again, happy V-day, to all singles and couples! ^^