Sashimi wanted to talk about her new forum for the RP so…COMMERCIAL TIME! Go get a drink or something. Eat some wasabi.
Come and join the new board for RP here. It has supposedly “great skin” so that you can read everything better and that no one likes green.
Where’s my love?
Rololololol A Lost Love has been postponed until Reve gives me her MSN! >D rolololol.
OMGWTHBBQ!? Action packed spy thriller!
WARNING: Contains Mild Language, Stupid Humor, Dead Potatoes. Do not read if you are easily traumatized. And an uber long blog
Scared? No? Then you may read.
I guess you could say this is going to be one of my more … serious [omgwthbbq! Is that possible?] blogs. Of course … it’ll have a bit of humor every now and then. I mean, everyone loves to laugh. …Right? [I knew it. >_>]
It takes place in the world of um…uh…iono. I guess SOCOM would work. Or maybe Syphon Filter. I DUN KNOW! CHOOSE SOMETHING!
And if you don’t think those are valid choices, I have provided an MMO experience. About Combat Arms.
So there I was, looking at my gear, checking to see if my weapons were good. I searched for a game to join, and then I went in. There were probably like four people, including me. I waited awhile, talked to some nubs that said “omgjoobetternothekorwetellonjoo” etc. and then the game STARTED….loading. Loading…loading.
And finally, I get my first glimpse of the game world.
Then I disconnected.
Kev! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Ken! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Sarah! <-lololol You REALLY dunno who this person is because this person doesn’t go on MMOTales because this person is FICTIONAL! FICTIONAL GODDAMMIT! Stop thinking … wrong things! FICTIONAL! FAKE! THIS PERSON DOESN’T EXIST! BELIEVE IT! >O
Connie! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Jon! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Aaron! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Dayna! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Erin! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Ivy! <-lololol You dunno who this person is! <-Strange name for a person. o_O
Judy! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Nikki! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
David! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Wayne! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Sneha! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
The gey Kevin clone! <-lololol You dunno who this person is! He would have been starring, had he not stole my name.
Trevor! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Jazmin! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Max! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Lee! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Michael! <-lololol You dunno who this person is! I suspect he lied to me, but I can’t be sure. D:
Mike! <-lololol You dunno who this person is! Mike and Michael are completely different names.
Oliver! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Kassandra! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Chris! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Henry! <-lololol You dunno who this person is! He has a heavy tan line. <-I gave you a big hint. D:
Alice! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Regina! <-lololol You dunno who this person is! <-I didn’t either until I saw on FB. Hint: SHE’S A DINOSAUR! ROOLOLOLOLOL
Vincent! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Darren! <-lololol You dunno who this person is! <-I didn’t either until I saw on FB.
Pirithivi! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Steve! <-lololol You dunno who this person is!
Dee! <-lololol You CERTAINLY dunno who this person is!
And anybody else’s real name that I know.
Now dun make fun of my noobiness. I r not good at this. D: It’s my first time. [ROLOLOLOL INNUENDO!] Oh, and at the bottom of each chapter, there will be a glossary list. So it’s educational. Every time you finish reading a chapter, you’ll learn new words to use on your dumb friends.
Glossary words will have an asterisk (*) next to it. Example -> Beach* <-Guess why I chose beach and you earn a cookie.
ISN’T THAT EXCITING!? HUH!? HUHHHHH!?
A boy dressed in dark clothing and a sexy beanie crept slowly towards a chain link fence. He carefully observed the facility in front of him. Behind the fence was an enormous white building with twinkling lights everywhere. There were about five stories and the boy could could see men patrolling about on each floor through the windows. Watchtowers were set up near the entrance of the property to ensure that there will be no unauthorized access. On the fence was an old dirty sign that read:
WARNING: TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT!
SURVIVORS WILL BE MOLESTED UNTIL DEATH!
Chuckling to himself, the boy formulated* a plan to infiltrate the building. It was rumored that the facility housed a special device recently developed by scientists that could “call out” any digital object to the real world. You could summon a mighty villain in a game and then it’ll cause chaos all over the world. Or worse, find a picture of a dictator and summon him back to the real world with all his memories. If the device falls in the wrong hands, things would not look pretty. Seeing all these flaws, the scientists were hesitant to release it to the public as they wanted to change the mistakes and make the device safe for the public. The boy, not believing any of the bullcrap, decided to see for himself.
He put on his gloves for better grip and to conceal his fingerprints, and took out a light weight heavy duty cutter that his friend invented. Carefully, the boy cut a small hole just big enough for him to crawl through. He carefully pulled the circle in place so it looked as if nothing was wrong. Then, the boy crept silently towards the white building taking care to avoid the large bright circles constantly moving about, searching for intruders. After what seemed like hours, the boy reached the white building and breathed a sigh of relief. Knowing he couldn’t just stop there, the boy inched towards a door to his right. Carefully, he opened the door and slipped inside, unseen.
As he entered the building, he noticed that it was extremely cold, and dead quiet. He could see his breath in front of him, and it lingered for minutes before disappearing. The boy peeked around the corner into the hallway to see if it was clear. Unfortunately, there were two armed guards coming towards him. Panicking, the boy tried to hide, but there was nothing to hide behind, and he couldn’t leave from where he entered. Scared, he flattened himself to the wall and hoped the guards wouldn’t see him. He could hear the guards’ footsteps getting closer and closer.
Thump, thump, thump.
His heart was beating rapidly, and he was scared to death. He didn’t know what would happen to him. He was too young to die. His mother always told him not to believe rumors and gossip, but he never listened. And now look what he go himself into. Praying silently, he shut his eyes and waited for the dreadful moment to arrive.
Suddenly, he felt a pair of firm hands grab him and quickly pull him up into the ceiling above. A hand clamped over his mouth and another hand reached to close the opening. He watched intently as the guards passed, not knowing he had been there seconds ago. The boy turned to look at his savior and gasped in surprise. It was his highschool friend, Sarah. She had beautiful dark brown eyes and long black hair tied in a ponytail. A typical Asian. Ish. Okay, shaddup. She was wearing exactly the same clothing as he was. Dark clothing and a sexy beanie.
“What are you doing here?” whispered the boy.
“The same reason you came here for, Kevin. To see if the device is real or not,” replied Sarah.
“What? You’ll kill yourself!” exclaimed Kevin.
“What do you care? Besides, I’m not the one who just got his butt saved.” answered Sarah.
Kevin looked away, embarrassed.
“Well, we should get going. My friend Artest drew a map for me. According to the map, the device should be….here.” said Kevin pointing at a large room on the map.
“How did he get a map?” asked Sarah.
“Oh, he nabbed it from a guy he arrested for DUI.”
“Driving Under Influence.”
“Oh, I see. Well, let’s get going.”
Kevin led the way and crawled slowly, making sure not to make any noises. Sarah followed close behind, hoping that Kevin wouldn’t let loose or else she would get the full blast.
Suddenly, Kevin stopped for some inexplicable reason and Sarah’s face smashed into Kevin’s butt.
“Why the hell did you stop?” asked Sarah angrily, rubbing her nose.
“Quiet, I hear something,” replied Kevin as he listened carefully.
Kevin peered through the grates. He saw a lot of men dressed in white running around. Every single one of them wore glasses and each had a dictionary or something in the back pocket.
One of the scientists had snow white hair and was wearing thick square glasses and seemed to be the head scientist.
“You IDIOT! Why the hell are you putting cheese around the mice! COMPUTER MICE ARE NOT ANIMALS! THEY CANNOT EAT! *slap* Put the cheese away before I wring your damn neck,” yelled the scientist angrily. The nooby scientist that got yelled at whimpered and grabbed all the cheese and scampered away.
“Alright, how’s everything going so far?” asked the head scientist.
“Sir, one of the functions isn’t working,” replied a scientists as he presses flashing buttons. (No, not buttons that flash as in “showing skin”, or “plastic” in this case.)
“The one where you turn the device on.”
“That is the most important function! How can it not be working? It was working great yesterday!”
“I’M SORRY! I don’t know what’s wrong!” T-T
The head scientist studied the device in front of him, and walked around it, until he saw that it wasn’t plugged in. He plugged it in (Plug it in, plug it in) and the device hummed to life.
“Wow! How’d you get it to work?” asked the scientist as he tests the device.
“You didn’t plug it in, retard,” replied the head scientist as he smacked the scientist’s head.
Kevin moved a bit to get a better view, giving Sarah a view of what’s happening below.
“What are they doing?” asked Sarah.
“I think they’re testing the device to see if they corrected the flaws properly,” replied Kevin.
“Oh. Well, who’s that big burly dude?” asked Sarah.
A big burly dude (Rofl.) dressed in a black suit was standing next to the scientist. Several men dressed in black stood next to the big burly dude. They were all carrying guns. The head scientist and the big burly dude had moved to a different location, and they could barely make out the conversation.
“….that’s absurd! …won’t….”
“….do it now……kill you….scientists.”
The scientist cowers a bit, and then a small spot that was rapidly expanding could be seen near the lower area of his uniform. The head scientist talks to one of the scientists, and then the scientist whom was scolded earlier carefully unplugged the device, and handed it to the big burly dude.
“Thank you for cooperating, Professor Namyag.” said the big burly dude. He turns around and faces one of the guards and says, “Kill them all.” He left with some of his guards, while the rest of them cocked (lol male reproductive system.) their guns and prepared to shoot.
“Sarah, we have to do something! We can’t just let them do this!” said Kevin anxiously.
“Well, what are you going to do? Just barge in and try to punch them all to death? Puh-leeze. Get real. At least you know the device is real.” replied Sarah.
“That’s true, but if the scientists die, then who will create the second device?” said Kevin.
“Hmm. You have a point there. But what are we going to do? We can’t just block the bullets or dodge them. This isn’t the Matrix.” answered Sarah.
Kevin studies the surroundings as the guards start destroying chairs and tables. Papers start flying about, and the sound of screaming scientists could be heard.
“Uhhh. We can knock a guard down and then shoot the rest.” says Kevin as he realizes that the plan had about over 9000% chance of failing.
“Do you even know how to shoot a gun?” asked Sarah.
“Nope. But, it shouldn’t be too hard. Just press the trigger. “
“Alright. We’ll break this grate here, and then drop down on the guards,” said Sarah as she pokes Kevin to pop open the grate.
“Err…ladies first. “
“You little wimp,” replied Sarah as she pushed past him, and carefully pushed out the grate. It fell to the floor with a loud clatter, and Sarah immediately jumped out.
Luckily, the grate had fallen on a guard’s head and knocked him unconscious. Sarah landed on the guard, grabbed his weapon and started firing at the other guards, who had just began to shoot at the scientists.
“Holen Sie sich die Mädchen*!” yelled a guard who seemed to be the superior. “Ja, Kapitän*” replied the guards.
Seeing the guards aim towards Sarah, Kevin jumped out yelling his battle cry. “FOR SPARTAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!” Kevin grunts as he lands on a guard. Kevin punches the guard in his face, knocking out some teeth. He grabbed the AK-47 the guard was carrying, and said, “Hey look! You just earned yourself 50¢! Too bad you won’t be able to use it,” said Kevin as he shot the guard in the face, spraying blood all over his face, then toppled over from the recoil.
“OMGWTHBBQ! I GOT STDS*! NOOOOOOO! WHY! WHY! WHY! I’M ONLY FIFTEEN YEARS OLD!” shouts Kevin as he angrily gets up and goes into a shooting frenzy, spraying the guards.
“DIE YOU PIGS! THAT’LL TEACH YOU FROM TRYING TO GIVE ME GONORRHEA*!” screamed Kevin as he continues to shred apart the dead guards. “DIEEEEE!”
Sarah goes up to Kevin and gives him a good whack on the head. “Calm down, they’re all dead.”
“Not until you hug me.”
“…Okay, I’m calm.”
Kevin and Sarah carefully look around the room. It was like a tornado had gone through and spilled blood all over. There was blood everywhere and the chairs and tables were all broken and shot up. Dead scientists and guards littered the room.
Kevin heard a whimper, and he turned to the direction of the noise, and saw Professor Namyag cowering under a broken table.
“Uhhh…there’s the professor,” said Kevin as he walks towards him. “Hey, Professor. You okay?” asked Kevin.
“DON’ HURT ME! I SWEAR I DIDN’T PEE MY PANTS! IT’S WATER! WAT-” screamed the Namyag, before he realized Kevin wasn’t going to kill him. “Oh, um. Disregard that, I suck ass- I MEAN, I uh, j-just disregard what I said earlier.” stammered Namyag.
“Ooookay.” said Kevin, raising an eyebrow.
Sarah came over and said, “Professor, do you know who that man is that took the device?”
“Oh, yes. He was my boyfr-, I mean my colleague…in college. His name is Yagdna Gibm’i. He and I worked together on various projects. But when I created the Animatron 9001, he got jealous of how famous I got, and he plotted to steal it. He told me that he just wants it to get fame and money, but I know that he has other intentions too.” explained Namyag.
“Well, why did you hand the device over so easily?” asked Kevin.
“Between the three of us, the one I gave him was a prototype. It was the first one I created and it has a LOT of flaws. He’ll realize this and come and tear up my lab searching for the one that’s fixed. But I have it right here,” said Namyag, holding up a medium sized machine that looked similar to a laptop fused on a box. “But by the time he comes back, I’ll be long gone. And thanks for your help, I appreciate it. My name is Professor Namyag, by the way.”
Kevin snickered, but stopped when Sarah kneed his diaphragm.
“My name is Sarah, and this is Kevin,” said Sarah.
“Nice to meet you, Sarah and Kevin. Because you helped me, how would you like to come with me to work on the Animatron 9001? You’ll get over $9000 per hour by helping me.”
Hearing how much money he could have in so little time, Kevin quickly agreed. Sarah, however, wanted to know more about the device, so she agreed.
“Great! Now let’s go to my Hovercraftatron 9001. I invented it myself. It has over 9000 boosters, and it’ll go over 9000 miles per hour, so I suggest you buckle up,” said Namyag heading towards a strange circular vehicle.
Kevin and Sarah jumped in and strapped theirselves in. “Next stop, my very own HQ!” said Namyag gleefully as he pressed numerous buttons. The hover craft hovered rose in the air, and then, in less than a second, shot out a conveniently shaped hole towards the horizon.
Meanwhile, back at Yagdna’s base, a loud bang could be heard.
“THAT [censored]! HOW DARE HE GIVE ME THE PROTOTYPE! When I get my hands on him, I’M GOING TO WRING HIS NECK!” shouted Yagdna angrily. “And to think I did it with him…”
“…..Sir?” asked a guard.
“Huh, um I meant that I uh, did my projects with him.” answered Yagdna hastily. “Send out guards to the lab. Destroy it, and find that device!”
“Yes, sir.” said the guard as he turns around to inform the others.
“You are in for a BIG surprise, Namyag. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA-ACK! AUGGHF! *chokes on fly* *cough* *wheeze*
*falls on a potato, crushing it*
A swarm of soldiers could be seen marching in the distance, ready to cause chaos…and destruction.
They speak German when they want to, okay? Okay.
1. formulate – It means to make something up, shiznet.
2. Holen Sie sich die Mädchen – German, translation = “Get the girl!” Just ask Vicelin. SHE’S A GERMAN! ROLOLOL!
3. Ja, Kapitän – “Yes, Captain.”
4. STDs – AKA* Smexually Transmitted Diseases. How do you get them? Make babies,
5. Gonorrhea – A type of STD. IT’S DANGEROUS ROLOLOLOOL!
6. AKA – Also Known As
ROLOLOLOL! Wasn’t that awesome? *cricket chirp* >_> Yeah, I know it sux0rz. Act like you like it to make me feel better.
Maybe it shouldn’t have been so long. o_O Oh well.
Oh, and if you can guess why the professor’s name is what his name is, you get a cookie. Same goes for the big burly dude.
© 2008 FF Productions