“Damn, we missed…” Stated An, dissapointed. “You mean I don’t get to do another PQ with you guys? OH NOES!” Said Jeuneau with obvious sarcasm before sprinting for his life across Kerning city, hoping to hide on one of the Sunset Sky construction site’s cranes. He thought of nothing but escape, running with all that he was, as if he could make the entire day disappear by running far enough. As he entered Sunset Sky, he was siezed by the ankles and brought to the ground, hard. Jeuneau looked back in abstract terror to find that Porkchop was clinging to him, “Hey boss! where ya going?” An and Suki began to catch up, he couldn’t be captured, not now, not here, not when escape was at hand! When he was taken down, his crossbow was thrown out of his reach, but a wandering orange mushroom meandered just close enough. Jeuneau snatched up this poor, unfortunate critter and proceeded to bludgeon the stupid out of Porkchop. read more

Stage 4… Amazin’, huh? The team of geniuses is met with the challenge of a behemothic, terrifying, beastly tower of… BARRELS!!! Six friggin’ barrels, and the challenge of *gasp* finding the correct three to stand on. As expected, Annie knows what the hell she’s doing, and the mute wonder follows her lead. BAM hey guess-the hell-what! Porkchop is clueless! Whouldda thunk it!? I’m crying inside!! Why am I exclaming when unnecessary!!?? Jeuneau does his best to deal with Porkchop… like giving him the simplest job of the three… and shooting him. SHOOTING HIM HELPS!! As ordered, Annie takes up her postion on barrel 3 and Sukigame on 2. Porkchop, surprisingly, after drooling a lot and shaking his head, proceeds to barrel one, Jeuneau tries this first combination. No. Annie, as ordered, moves to barrel 4. No. 5. No. 6? No. This is usual, the correct combination is, more oft than not, the near-last. Suki proceeds to barrel 3 and Annie to 4. Wrong again. No matter, Annie moves to barrel 5 for the next combination… and so does Porkchop. No. This cannot be, thinks Jeuneau to himself, He could not be that stupid… He is, he has been before, he always will be, get used to it, reader. Jeuneau, observing that there is a measly 8 minutes remaining, quickly orders Porkchop to get back to barrel 1, “PORKS!! 1, NOW!” …Nothing. “PORKS GET THE HELL ON BARREL 1!” Porkchop, remarkably, hears his leader this time, and moves… to barrel 2. Jeuneau then calmly proceeds to shoot him in the right kidney… … …”Ya get it, boss?” Jeuneau inwardly craps all over his earlier attempts at kindness in not killing this piss-poor excuse for a sentient being and proceeds to draw back his crossbow again when he is interrupted by Annie, “Stop, you might actually do it this time. We’ll need him for cannon-fodder when we fight the boss.” Jeuneau stops loading his crossbow and stares blankly at Annie. … “I like the way you think, lady.” “Okay, so you’re not going to kill the dunce, but how do we get him back on barrel 1?” Jeuneau put down his crossbow for a moment, before being struck square in the face by a cudgel of an idea. He hopped up to barrel 1, and super-glued a shiny meso to the top of it. He then pointed this out to Porkchop. Porkchop’s crooked eyes sparkled with glee at the shiny thing and so he leapt up upon barrel 1 and proceeded to try and pry it up. Jeuneau would have to hug himself for this later. Fortunately, the correct combination turned out to be 146 and they proceeded to the final stage without having to move Porkchop the incredible invalid away from his mystifying shiny thing. read more

They gathered on a cliff overlooking the pit containing the lord of loogies, King Slime. Jeuneau proceeded in a feeble attempt at forming a strategy while Porkchop picked his nose and Sukigame payed close attention and took notes… in green crayon… on his armor. Annie grabbed Jeuneau’s crossbow away when he tried to load it behind his back while talking so he could finish what he started on Porkchop. When Jeuneau was thouroughly convinced he had wasted enough breath. He gave up on a “plan” and punted Porks into the pit. …Jeuneau would never be the same. read more

Jeuneau regains his own composure and picks up his beloved, above average mountain crossbow which he has affectionately dubbed “Mr. Vivisection” and once again attempts to assist the only member of this cock circus that is actually free of any and all mental deficiency, Annie Oakley. Now Jeuneau’s an irishman, why in the name of SWEET HOLY FRIGGIN’ ICICLES would he be lucky? No. Porkchop the autistinater has found his way into a big ol’ box of ASSTARD CRUNCH… BREAKFAST OF INVALIDS… … NOW WITH MORE INEPTITUDE! He does not understand the object of this stage at all! The complexity of gathering the same number of brightly colored coupons as the answer to a ludicrously simple question FREAKIN’ ASTOUNDS him! As Jeuneau readily and gratefully abandons all confidence in the human race he proceeds to load his crossbow with unbridled glee at the prospect of gruesomely murdering this fine example of how-not-to-have-any-value-as-a-human in the most horrific of fashions… By which I mean being shot up the ass with a flaming crossbow bolt. Just when our hero is about to make the world’s collective IQ just that much higher, Porkchop (being the adorable little FLIPPER-ARMED THALIDIMIDE-BABY he is) finally stops counting his teeth and turns to face Jeuneau. Now one might think (and they’d be wrong) that, at the very least, Jeuneau might be forced to hold off pincushioning his fleshy target now that his hollow-skulled buddy had turned to see the large, loaded crossbow staring at his snare drum-like skull. No. I do SO hope you remember what I said about Jeuneau’s problem-solving skills, do you not? read more

As a few of you know by the Maple Family Circus stories, my MMO-luck uberblows. But somehow, while at my favorite Hunting grounds -Hidden Street, Over the Wall- near perion, I found a 10% Gloves scroll for DEX. Now, normally, I would’ve sold this, but against my better judgement i used it… AND IT WORKED. My pwnage gloves (Dark Savatas) now kick even more arse! I guess MS got bored of kicking me in the crotch and laughing while i try to get up. This was just especially awesome because those gloves cost 499.5k to make. (40 Leather, 50 Blue Mushroom Tops, 2 Golds, 1 Black Crystal, and 27000 mesos.) …W00T. read more

Of course, they get into the Party quest because *EL GASPO* Jeuneau actually KNOWS WHAT THE HELL HE’S DOING. As they continue to Cloto for their questions, Jeuneau gets this instictive feeling of worry, worry that there might be something wrong here, that his autastic party might not be cut out for the most routine, repetitive, simple means of leveling (consisting solely of 5 minutes of killing moderately strong enemies, one easily defeated boss, and 3 counting puzzles, mind you) in the grand, wide entirety of this tard-village we call maplestory. Again he shakes it off and chalks it up to his own negativity. read more

Let us first become acquainted with our heroes. Ancheeky, err- Anchiclets, ah, Anbesol… awwe screw it, her name is Annie Oakley. She’s the moderately sane and sufficiently useful mage of the party. Sukigame, his name sounds stupid, he doesn’t talk a lot, also, he is a swordman… totally friggin’ useless. Porkchop is our lovable, autistic mage who couldnt cast a stink spell in a poo storm. He is great at dying, though. And our martyr in this holy-war of idiocy, Jeuneau, he is the strongest, for he is a level 30 crossbowman, the only one with a job advancement… and an Iq with more than 2 digits. He tends to solve everything, including math problems, through violence. He is quite good at this. I, Jeuneau will be your narrator, because i love referring to myself in third-person. read more