Enjoy~~~~
A Lost Life ~~~ Chapter 1
Thomas was close to the side of the crevice. He slammed his hand into the rock side, trying to snatch something. He finally did, it was a stone ledge sticking out. Thomas felt trickles of water falling on his face. He tried to find a way out and he couldnt hold on much longer! Thomas saw a huge ledge sticking out of the wall. He dropped and rested for a moment. He looked up but it was pitch black. Thomas sat there on the rugged rock wall behind him wondering if hell ever get out.
Thomas sat there looking up. A few more trickles of water hit his head. He had to get out of there so he started climbing. Thomas started by slamming his hands into the rough wall, screaming as pain struck is fists every time. He was tired and dehydrated, but still went on. He made it to the top panting hard from the 60 foot climb. Thomas got up and started walking back to the town. When he made it to his house he let out a sigh of relief. He opened the door and went into his bedroom. He grabbed his Maple Claw, armor, and Steelys.
Thomas walked over to Marys house.
Thomas: *knock ..knock knock*
Mary: Come in!
Thomas: Hey Mary Im so glad to see you.
Mary: Who is that? Thomas I thought you were dead!
Thomas: I would never die and lose you I told you that.
Mary ran over to Thomas and hugged him. Thomas fell to the ground not breathing. Mary was worried and didnt know what to do! Mary picked him up and ran down to the hospital. They doctors told Mary that he was suffering from dehydration, but he will be okay. Thomas came out of the other room. Mary ran over to Thomas and squeezed him tightly.
[divder1]
Thomas and Mary started to walk home. Mary and Thomas split up to go to their houses.
The middle of the night ..
Thomas heard a crash down the street. He grabbed his weapons and armor. Thomas ran outside and looked at all the houses. He looked at Marys house and saw 2 or 3 people moving around in there. Thomas rushed down there and entered the house.
What are you doing! Thomas screamed.
The three people looked at him and smiled. Thomas was blasted out of the house and hit the road. One person came out and took out his Zard. Thomas clenching his hands ran at him. The figure jumped up and cam back down behind him. The figure pushed a button and chains came out attaching to the Zard. Now there were 2 Zard blades, one on each side hanging loose.
Time to die! said the figure.
[divder1]
Thomas was kicked back by the steps of Marys house. Thomas got up getting his steelys out. The figure came at Thomas full speed. Thomas jumped in the air, but that made it worse. The figure pushed the button again and the Zard blade cam shooting at him. Thomas was hit in the stomach damaging his organs. The figure came at Thomas still with 1 blade attached.
Thomas was injured and couldnt move. The figure was right in front of Thomas getting ready to kill him. The Zard blade came down and was hit away with an Ilbi.
Who could be saving Thomas from dieing?
Find out on A Lost Life ~~~ Chapter 2
No problemo, amigo.
You seem to only use one type of sentence structure throughout the entire chapter.
eg. ‘I ate a hamburger. I drank my shake. I dropped my keys. I walked home.’
It makes it monotonous to read. You can imagine someone speaking like that, really; the person will start sounding like a robot. And robots do not make good storytellers.
Make your story flow better by varying sentence structure. That will be a start.
Oh, and just a thought. If ilikewaffles liked this blog, then wouldn’t it therefore make this blog a waffle? XD
Some constructive criticism:
1. Type out small numbers
Ex. Two instead of 2
2. Do you use Microsoft Word? There are a few spelling errors that you could’ve fixed by using it.
Ex. ‘Dying’ instead of ‘dieing’
lol maybe i should use microsoft word too oo
Nice job.
can someone like this blog? lol
w00t a liked it lol
Y’know, if you write for the ‘likes,’ then all I have to say is: stop effin’ writing.
It pisses me off when people write just for the likes. -___-;;
It pisses me off when people write just for the likes. -___-;;”
QFT
GTF
It pisses me off when people write just for the likes. -___-;;”
QFT”
what?
It pisses me off when people write just for the likes. -___-;;”
QFT”
“
Well, you’re kind of wrong on that post, Shining.
In Captain’s first blog of introduction, he said something about
So, writing for likes is motivation for you to continue blogging.
No reason to write blogs when no one likes them
That is so true. . . I asked him and he said that he likes writing too, but is also ubsessed with getting likes.
im not ubsessed lol
Yeah right. . .
w/e -_-
lol ok thanx for the tip SilverFx