Hey everyone. I know I’ve been gone from MMOTales for a long time now, and I may or may not be “back” completely, but it’s just that something’s come up that has caused me to need to spill my heart out to other people right now.
It’s been months since my ex left me, and we’ve stayed friends, but it’s always been in the back of my mind that I still loved her. I still would have given anything to be with her, and this weekend, it was all lost to me. It was a lot for me to say that it was a good relationship, since it did only last a month and a half, or that it was ever important to her, because I asked her, and she could never tell me that she did love me, but I know in my own mind that I truly loved her with every bit of my heart. I was looking at her MySpace, using my sister’s account because I don’t have a MySpace and now I doubt she would even add me as a buddy if I did, when I noticed one of the people in her MS guild, which I’ve known has been a really close friend of her ever since they met a little after we broke up, say “I love you” in a comment.
I asked her about it Saturday. She said she was sorry, but that they did like each other and they were really together. It was hard to believe of course, if not for the fact they live in different states, if not for the fact that I was jealous, if not even for the fact that I really didn’t want to believe it at all, but because I still LOVED her. I told them that I knew they had no idea how I felt; that they had no clue how much I would have given up for her; how my entire life was my love to her while we were going out. How could I change my feelings?
And on Sunday, when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, they did. I talked to her friend, and… I’ll quote it because it’s better that you read it for yourself.
Glory753 (4:12:10 PM): nothin really happened btwn u guyz
Glory753 (4:12:16 PM): there was nothin to begin with
Glory753 (4:12:21 PM): i pushed her into it
Glory753 (4:12:30 PM): it was all in ur head
Glory753 (4:12:44 PM): it started from a lil illusion
Glory753 (4:12:49 PM): thats all vix had
Glory753 (4:12:51 PM): an illusion
Glory753 (4:12:59 PM): it wasn’t love
Glory753 (4:13:08 PM): she could never say that she loved u
Glory753 (4:13:51 PM): but don’t u think it was better to break it up before makin u fall deeper into this black hole that u call love?
Glory753 (4:13:58 PM): becuz i pushed u into it
Glory753 (4:14:13 PM): u believed that when i said “u r now bf&gf”
Glory753 (4:14:15 PM): u believed it
Glory753 (4:14:19 PM): she never believed it
Glory753 (4:14:23 PM): she never agreed to it
Glory753 (4:14:32 PM): it was never official
So then… Still, what can I say? Can it be explained what I really felt? I loved her, no, maybe I never did, maybe I only loved the fact that we were together and my own twisted vision of what she was like. Can anyone just say that what they would have given their entire living soul away for is revealed to them as a sham? I felt played like crazy, my heart torn apart for someone else’s pleasure.
And one more time on Monday, a third bomb. I was talking to me ex, since she was gone the whole day on Sunday, and she told me… Well I asked her about our relationship, and she denied that it was fake. Maybe she lied to me, I don’t know, because I’m already hurt. But I asked her if she felt more for him than she ever felt for me, and she told me that she “loved” him and he loved her back. WHAT CAN I SAY? Just the fact that their relationship, an INTERNET relationship, has gone leaps and bounds beyond my relationship with her, that I cared my entire life for, is crushing beyond belief. All three bombs, they tore my heart apart this weekend. The fact that those two wouldn’t have even met if it weren’t for me, and then what? They LOVE each other? My own luck, my own terrible luck, is all I can say is to blame.
Is it really worth it being me? The whole world steps on me apparently. Apparently my own terrible luck, the luck that makes me hurt for months for no real reason, has given way to someone else’s absolute bliss. I don’t want to be me. I wish I had never met her. I wish beyond everything else that everything between me and her ever happened, but what does that matter? I’m beyond every comprehension of what to do now.
And that, my friends, is how my heart was torn to shreds this weekend and then pounded with a large steel hammer. I can’t say anyone will notice this, but I really hope someone cares still.
*hands over a cookie* I don’t know what to say. But yeah, I read that, and I feel for you. I offer you something I always tell myself: This, too, shall pass.
You can’t be hurt forever. Hope you feel better soon.
dude, just get over it. Same thing happened to me and im ok sheesh
Everyday she’s not married still carries hope =)
I can’t say I know how you feel cuz I’ve not met such stuff before, but don’t put too much weight on your friend’s words. Perhaps the best way to clarify, if you want to, is to talk to your ex, or perhaps you could let it lie.
Don’t stay depressed for too long. *smilies*
Well why did your ex leave you in the first place? If she thought you two were not meant to be together perhaps you two are not suitable for each other. But seriously, you should tell her not to get herself into an internet relationship. Approach her as a friend, not a BF-hopeful. Another thing is that she may have been depressed by your break-up and needs comforting. Naturally she would seek help from anyone but you. Telling her that you love her may only pressurise her more.