Hi guys I am Ray new to here but i will be writing a love story..But it is base on a true story but I will express it to a maple love story hope you love my story
As the same old boring day.Woked out from my bed and eat my breakfast.Worn my shoe and told my Mum’Mum I am off for my training and one day I will be the same as Dad the greatest sin ever’.I close the door and haste myself.As I was running and running I saw a girl that I never saw before she was so sweet like a honey flower..
As I reach the school’assasin training school’ the bell rang and I reach the classroom everyone was talking about the girl. Then jack(best friend) nudge me ‘hey Ray did you see the girl?’ As I don’t want any gossip I say no . The school end and I walk back home and I saw our rival ‘the bandits’ known as ‘The dits’ They caught the sweet girl and was like holding her so tightly as I got closer them and heard
[1st dit]Hey sweetie,come with us we got good body ya noe
the girl was like looking away from him with fear I knew I have to stop them
[me] hey ‘The dits’ stop bullying that girl
[the whole guild] hey you aint happy with that?And what did you have any relationship with this girl huh?
[me] I don’t but what you are doing is wrong ya noe
[1st dit] so that means you wanna a fight huh?If we win you gotta hand this girl to us
[me](talking in my heart)I know i have no chance but i gotta try.
[me]You want a fight?and u got it but how about a 1-on-1 fight or are ‘The dits scared?’
As the battle start,the bandit guild will all cheering I took out my meba and slot it into my hand grab a kunai(a Japanese way for calling steely) set and took out a steely.
[me] Hey you know what u can’t win me dude
As the bandit took out his dagger we both use haste,and I throw my steely onto the dit but he used a double stab to block it.
[me](talking to my heart)Omg he use a double stab he sure look strong
I try to use the sharp edge of my meba ran toward him stab him but he used a panlid again..I angry putting 2 steely into my meba and throw a L7(lucky7) But before I throw the dit.The dit used a salvage blow on me it was so fast and I did not see him stabbing me 6 times..I fell and hit the ground
[dit]HAHAHA NOW U KNOW HOW STRONG IS THE DIT!!!!!DONT MESS WITH US
.I knew it was the end for me but I did not give up as I noe I had not die!
[me] DIE!!!!!!!!!!
I used a L7 again but this time I add a claw booster and it was so fast it hitted the dit ..argh I have to use drain in order to win him so I used some mp drain it into the steely and throw it into the dit .
[Dit]argh!You are gonna pay for wad you did to me!
’PRING’ a loud sound..And blood came out from the scar wass the salvage blow.As I was still hurt from the salvage blow.But my L7 it did not kill the bandit or even make him faint.
[me](talking to my heart) damn it why is this so
I used the very last mp of my sloted 2 steely into my meba and shoot right into the stomach of the badits he faint and the girl came to me and say
[girl]Hey thanks for saving me I am Rin for the mage group and I am a cleric as u know cleric can’t attack much damage so I can’t do anything to the dit
[me] Oh it is ok.And I am Ray but can you heal me 1st? thank you
[Rin]Erm..Wanna go and eat?A treat from me as you saved me
[me]ok!Sure
I hoped this story is nice if not nice den I will stop writing le but in the next story in will be more about Me and Rin
eh plz see my blog leh sadT_Y
dude this SUCKZ
sori-, – now then i noe i am such a poor writer
Please continue with the story, i really liked it but please dont use short forms
Eg’Noe’ instead of know. it’ll be easier and more neater to read.
hey don’t let that cyrborg dude get you down! its a good story so far!
Its alright, again, the grammar could use work. Overall its a good story, but u should expand on things like ‘I try to use the sharp edge of my meba ran toward him stab him but he used a panlid again, I angry putting 2 steely into my meba and throw a L7(lucky7) But before I throw the dit.’ instead of that it should be, ‘I tried to use the sharp edge of my meba as I ran straight at him, but he quickly paried the blow using his panlid again, I let out a low curse and quickly grabbed two steely from my back pocket, hoping my luck wouldn’t fail me on this hit.’ That would captivate readers more,
jech thx but my story part 2 will be nicer so stay tune!
cyborg480 –
Don’t say it sucks!
Look at mine then see how much this deserves good credit!
tsukkie thx for helpping me my 2nd story is out!woo hoo
Whoooo~ CongratZ. Good luck on doing better than me =D
no it wont i like tsukkie and jesusfreak the best!
yea what jech said the grammar could use some but the rest is great
keep writing and cyborg dont disencourage(i think thats how u spell it) ppl