Well, here’s another place to blog to. Random crap I’ve done lately…

lvled cleric to 44
lvled rogue to 25
lvled panda to 20
scrolled a 7 int icarus (2)

yeah…MapleStory just got boring so i guess i will post a list of funny stuff i have accumulated…

1. Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.
2. I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every second of it.
3. We have had enough youth, how about a fountain of “smart”.
4. He who laughs last, thinks the slowest.
5. Always remember you are unique, just like everyone else.
6. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
7. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you failed.
8. Eat right, stay fit, and die anyways.
9. Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
11. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
12. We are all part of the ultimate statistic, 10 out of 10 die.
13. I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
14. What happens if you get scared half-to-death twice?
15. I am working with a slight handicap, I happen to be human.
16. Tonight you will pay the wages of sin, don’t forget to leave a tip.
17. question = (to) ?be : !be;
18. It’s always good to remember the difference between UNIX and eunuchs.
19. Every time you download music, God kills a kitten.
20. Live in your world, get 0WN3d in mine.
21. cool – The Gamers Prayer
22. I am your webmaster, you must .
23. YHBT
24. Resistance is futile. ( if < 1 ohm)
25. RTFMFM
26. There’s no place like 127.0.0.1
27. There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
28. Between two evils? Pick the one you haven’t tried.
29. Windows isn’t a virus, a virus does something.
30. A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
31. All obstacles not foreseen will be tripped over.
32. Good judgment comes from experience, and experience, well, that comes from bad judgment.
33. Back-up Not Found : (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
34. Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
35. Patience comes to those who wait.
36. Any stigma is good enough to beat a dogma with.
37. Cannibals are not vegetarians, they are humanitarians.
38. Censorship is obscene.
39. Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
40. The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.
41. If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it is possible you haven’t grasped the situation.
42. A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
43. Death is Nature’s way of telling you to slow down.
44. Stick with the majority, stay home.
45. I have nothing to declare except my insanity.
46. Life is a hereditary disease.
47. The trouble with nude dancing is that not everything stops when the music does.
48. Join the Army!! See the world, get an education, meet interesting people – and kill them.
49. Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them.
50. Opinions are like assholes, everyone’s got one, and they all stink.
51. Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right.
52. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation, the rest are unimportant.
53. Got absolved?
54. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.
55. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
56. Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
57. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
58. He’s not dead… he’s electroencephalographically challenged.
59. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, and used against you.
60. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
61. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.
62. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
63. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
64. Choose heaven for climate, hell for society.
65. Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.
66. Floggings will continue until morale improves.
67. Computers are like air-conditioners: both stop working, if you open windows.
68. If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0.
69. User error: replace user and press any key to continue.
70. Failed sex… Tutor needed.
71. Only users lose drugs.
72. Fight crime, shoot back.
73. In order to be a master fisher, one must be a master baiter
74. Drugs support terrorism. Cigarette money supports the government. Cigarettes are drugs. The government supports terrorism?
75. D.A.R.E – Drugs are Really Exciting.
76. My karma ran over your dogma.
77. Why drink and drive, when you can smoke and fly?
78. Happiness is a belt fed weapon.
79. Reality- An illusion created by the lack of drugs in our society.
80. Don’t trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn’t die.
81. I found Jesus! He was hiding behind the couch the whole time!
82. Heaven doesn’t want me, and hell is afraid I’ll take over
83. Born again pagan.
84. Isis, Isis, RA, RA, RA!
85. 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly
n33d t0 g37 l41d
86. I taught your boyfriend that thing you like.
87. As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar
88. Pleas turn your head upside down now!!! Hurry

370HSSV 0773H

89. I once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me til my face went Orange, til I busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!
90. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
91. I’m teenage girl you jacked off in the chat-room with.
92. Your little princess is my little whore!
93. My idea involves midgets and porn. (More info will be given upon request)
94. Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
95. Mind intentionally left blank…
96. Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time – I think I’ve forgotten this before.
97. Note – The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.
98. You can’t have manslaughter without laughter.
99. What Would Jesus Do?
(for a Klondike bar?)
100. Go **** Yourself! I’m an asshole, and I approve this message.
101. Lick the toad!
102. Time for cake and sodomy…
103. Smile… tomorrow will be worse.
104. Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone.
105. When all else fails, follow instructions.
106. An optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears that this is true.

Funny Limerick:
She frowned and called him Mr.
Because in sport he Kr.
And so in spite
That very night
This Mr. Kr. Sr.

Well, once the daddy logs-in to mommy’s shell through a direct-connect port, source files are uploaded to a repository where they are later compiled. After that, a local user’s profile is created. Through human resources, it takes 9 months to get the profile exported and upgraded to a super user. However, due to environmental variables, the super user is unable to gain root access until he or she is 18.

Silence can be the biggest lie of all. We have a responsibility to speak
up; and whenever the occasion calls for it, we have a responsibility to
raise bloody hell.
— Herbert Block

Computer games don’t affect kids, I mean if pac man affected us as
kids, we’d all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills
and listening to repetitive music.

A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to
you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to
you about yourself.

We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to
the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his
children smart.
— H.L. Mencken

Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good
sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.

The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed
to be doing at the moment.

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods on her way to
visit her grandmother when a wolf jumped out from behind a tree.
“Aha!” the wolf said, “Now I’ve got you, and I’m going to eat you.”
“Eat, eat, eat,” said Little Red Riding Hood angrily, “Damn it,
doesn’t anybody **** anymore?”

Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain
of being a damned fool.

“Maybe if your vcr is still blinking 12:00 you shouldn’t be using Linux.”
— Slashdot poster

Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school
make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.

sadoequinecrophilia, n.:
Beating a dead horse.

Math is to physics like masturbation is to sex.

The only “intuitive” interface is the nipple. After that, it’s all learned.

Love does not make the world go around, just up and down a bit.

It is generally agreed that “Hello” is an appropriate greeting because
if you entered a room and said “Goodbye,” it could confuse a lot of people.

A lanky Texan was mad because Texas had just become the second largest state in
the Union, so he made up his mind to move to Alaska. He drove for three days
and three nights to get there and finally he came to what looked like the state
line. He halted his car and walked up to the border guard. “Hi, there! How
do I become a resident of this here biggest state?” demanded the Texan.
The guard looked him up and down and grinned. “Well,” he answered,
“there are three things you gotta do to get in. First, drink down a quart of
110 proof corn liquor without blinkin’. Second, kill a grizzly bear, and
third, make love to an Eskimo woman.”
“Sounds easy enough,” said the Texan. “Where can I get a quart of
this here corn liquor?”
“Got one right here,” replied the guard.
The Texan gulped down the whiskey without batting an eyelash.
“Now, do you happen to know where I can find me a grizzly?”
“Yep,” answered the guard, “there’s a big b’ar over that way, ’bout
a mile… lives in a cave on that cliff.”
The Texan lurched merrily off. About an hour later he returned
with his clothes almost torn off and his face scratched and bloody. He was
smiling happily. “Now,” he roared, “where’s that damn Eskimo woman you
want killed?”

MICROSOFT Beer: Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top
and sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or
contain extremely un-beer-like contents.

There was a young lad — name of Durcan
Who was always jerkin’ his gherkin.
His father said, “Durcan
Stop jerkin’ your gherkin
Your gherkin’s for ferkin’, not jerkin’.

Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they AREN’T after you.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was.

Hackers know all the right MOVs.

He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.
— M.C. Escher

T-shirt of the Week:
I’m not excited, I’m cold!

Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
— Dykstra

X-rated movies are all alike … the only thing they leave to the
imagination is the plot.

Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mind-
bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers
have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the non-existence
of God. The argument follows: “I refuse to prove that I exist,” says God,
“for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.” “But,” says Man,
“the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn’t it? It could not have evolved
by chance, thus proving that you exist, therefore by your own arguements,
you don’t. QED.” “Oh, dear,” says God, “I hadn’t thought of that,” and
promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
— D. Adams

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit,
call it the target.

Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.

Pardon me, sir, but you’ve obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a ****.

Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism.
— Donald Kaul

A rabbi and a priest are sitting together on a train, and the rabbi leans
over and asks, “So, how high can you advance in your organization?”
The priest replies, “Well, if I am lucky, I guess I could become a
Bishop.”
“Well, could you get any higher than that?”
“I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I
might be made an Archbishop.”
“Is there any way that you might go higher than that?”
“If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal.”
“Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?”
Hesitating a little bit, the priest said, “I supose that I could
be elected Pope, but only if it’s God’s will.”
“And could you be anything higher than that, is there any way to go
up from being the Pope?”
“What?! I should be the Messiah himself?!”
The rabbi leaned back and smiled. “One of our boys made it.”

You must realize that the computer has it in for you. The irrefutable
proof of this is that the computer always does what you tell it to do.

Logic is a pretty flower that smells bad.

There are many ways to say “I love you”, but ****ing is the fastest.

In the beginning there was nothing. And the Lord said “Let There Be Light!”
And still there was nothing, but at least now you could see it.

“Well, well, well! Well if it isn’t fat stinking billy goat Billy Boy in
poison! How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap stinking chip oil? Come
and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarbles, ya eunuch jelly thou!”
— Alex in “Clockwork Orange”

How do you play religious roulette?
You stand around in a circle committing blasphemy and see who gets struck by lightning first.

Yesterday is a memory,
Tomorrow is a vision,
Today is a bitch!

One day a platoon of Marines are on patrol when they come upon a
Ranger relaxing on top of a small hill. The Ranger puts his hands on his
hips and screams out, “Do any of you seaweed sucking jarheads think you’re
man enough to take me on?”
The biggest Marine comes running up the hill, screaming back at the
Ranger. When he gets to the top he simply plows into his foe and the two
tumble down the other side of the hill, out of sight. There is the sound of
a horrendous fight for a moment or two, and then all is quiet. Soon, the
Ranger reappears, quite untouched. He puts his hands on his hips and sneers,
“Well, looks to me like one of you couldn’t do it, how about the rest?”
The enraged Marine platoon leader sends his entire platoon (30+men)
charging after the Ranger. They all go tumbling down the far side of the hill.
After 15 minutes of screaming and yelling and cursing a lone, bloodied Marine
crawls over the top of the hill. The platoon leader yells up to his man,
“What’s going on up there?” The wounded Marine, with his last bit of breath,
replies, “Sir, it’s a… a trap, sir. There’re two of them!”

Postulate #1: Nothing is better than sex.
Postulate #2: Masturbation is better than nothing.
Conclusion: Masturbation is better than sex.

Did you know that there are 71.9 acres of nipple tissue in the U.S.?

Hey Crackhead- FOUND SOMEWHERE ON THE INTERNET (I forgot where)

Yes, you. You sick ****er. On Wednesday morning I emerged from my girlfriend’s building by U.N. Plaza to find that you had sawed the tops off both the sparkplugs on my motorcycle. At the time, I had no idea why anyone would do that. Other than the sparkplugs, the bike was untouched. Some kind of bizarre vandalism? A fraternity prank gone awry? I had no idea. All I knew is that I looked like a huge douchebag riding the Muni to work in a padded motorcycle jacket and helmet.

Because the bike was immobilized I got a $35 street sweeping ticket that night. Thursday I had it towed to the shop ($45) where they replaced the sparkplugs and the boots ($50 including labor). They explained to me that “people” – I use the term loosely here – like you break off the tops of spark plugs and use the porcelain tubes to smoke crack. As an engineer and former MacGyver fan, in a way I think this is kind of cool. But then I remember that I just paid $100 for YOUR crackpipes, and I get angry again.

Crackhead, it was really good to have my bike back though. I rode home from the shop with a couple of spare sparkplugs and a smile on my face. I figured the next time I parked at my girlfriend’s place overnight I would have to buy some crackpipes and tape them to my bike as a peace offering. Overall, I wasn’t that upset. Despite having to ride the bus for three days and dropping a hundred bones at the shop, I had gained some fascinating knowledge, a new set of sparkplugs, and a pretty funny anecdote about how ****ed up you are, and how our paths once crossed briefly in the night.

But you couldn’t just let sleeping dogs lie, could you Crackhead. You couldn’t just stay in on Friday, watch Letterman through the window of a home electronics store and then call it a night. You couldn’t rest on your laurels. Two porcelain sparkplug crackpipes just wasn’t enough for you, was it Crackhead? You just had to come back for more.

This morning, a scant fifteen hours after I rode it out of the shop, I found my motorcycle violated once again. This time you only took the right one – maybe you were having an off night. At least this time I had a spare sparkplug and the tools to fix it – or so I thought – having ordered a 73-piece toolset from SEARS.com last week. But no, the sparkplug socket in my new toolset was for American sparkplugs. So I had to go down to the neighborhood Ace hardware. They had an 18mm socket that would fit over my sparkplug, but it was for a 1/2″ drive ratchet. My toolkit only has 1/4″ and 3/8″ ratchets. So I had to buy a 1/2″ ratchet along with the socket. Even though the clerk took pity on me and gave me the senior citizen discount (I’m 25) it still cost me $22 all told. Now, you might say that I should have just gotten a 3/8″-to-1/2″ drive adaptor instead of springing for the whole ratchet. And to that I say “Shut the hell up, Crackhead, I’m not finished. And besides, I was eventually going to buy a 1/2″ ratchet anyway so it’s probably not worth it to take it back now.”

OK, now I’m rambling. But the point is, Crackhead, that you have done me wrong. Now, I get that you love crack. That is totally understandable. I’ve heard it is really fun, at first, and quite addictive. What I don’t understand is,

YOU ARE A CRACKHEAD. WHY DON’T YOU OWN A CRACKPIPE?

I am an engineer. Do you ever see me shaking down bums in the Loin for a calculator and sliderule? No, you don’t. Because engineering is the main thing I do, I went and bought myself a calculator. The main thing you do is crack. How do you get by without a crackpipe? The other crackheads must clown on you non-stop. I mean, the ****ing saw you used to saw off my sparkplugs is probably worth five or ten bucks. Why not sell or trade it for a crackpipe? You really haven’t put much thought into this, have you?

Please, Crackhead, please don’t tell me you sold your crackpipe to buy crack. Even a stupid crackhead such as yourself couldn’t possibly be that stupid.

I’ve decided that taping crackpipes to my motorcycle would be tantamount to appeasement. You have crossed a line, Crackhead – specifically California Street. You have come onto my own street and you have desecrated that which I hold dear. You have stolen from me, and you have caused me to spend the last half hour writing this post instead of engineering ****, and it is concievable, if not likely, that my boss could find out about this and fire me. I am hella pissed at you dude.

Here are my options as I see them:

1. Write a note saying that I have coated both of my sparkplugs in rat poison and tape it to my bike at night. You can thank Tim for that one, it was his idea.

2. Don’t write a note, but just coat both sparkplugs in rat poison. This is probably closer to a punishment that would fit your despicable crime. I’m sure this is super illegal and ****, but it’s not like anyone is going to miss you, Crackhead. Don’t fool yourself.

3. Wait in an alley near my bike armed with my new stainless steel mirror-finish Ace Professional brand 1/2″ drive socket wrench, my 18mm sparkplug socket, and my searing rage. It’s pretty heavy and well balanced. I am not a large man, but I am angry.

In conclusion, Crackhead, why don’t you just do both of us a favor and buy yourself a crackpipe? It will both enhance your crack smoking experience and save me a lot of time and felony assault charges. Think about it.

Sincerely,
Matt

*** If you are not the Crackhead that took my sparkplugs, please disregard this posting ***

You are about as sharp as a bowling ball.

Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.
— Anatole France

All things are possible, except for skiing through a revolving door.

No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.

Guide to Movies:
G: No girl.
PG: The hero gets the girl.
R: The bad guy gets the girl, then the good guy gets the girl.
X: The hero still gets the girl in the end, but he’s never sure which end it will be.
XXX: Everybody gets the girl.

Female ballet dancers are the bravest girls around. Who else would take a
flying leap into the arms of a homosexual and expect to be caught?

Q: What goes green, red, green, red, pink, pink, pink?
A: A frog in a blender.

Q: Why do blondes have square breasts?
A: They forgot to take the tissues out of the box.