I think it’s strange that the first person to make a story about my character isn’t me.
So here’s the REAL Lumpy.
Though the one that Nez wrote about is still pretty cool. =D
Anyway, since McDingus is still stuck with the ducks in a giant mansion, Lumpy will be your cheap, flavourless substitute from now on.

=D

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Lumpy was never a smart person. He lived in an old run-down village in Uzbekistan. What’s Uzbekistan? Don’t you know? It’s the land of the very nosey people with bone in their brains.

Anyway, after realising that half the people in Uzbekistan were jerks and the other half were men, Lumpy set off to seek some fortunes.

On the way, he met a stocky young hobbit. His name was Bilbo Saggins. He claimed that there was a magic ring in a land far away that would grant limitless power. Lumpy was not impressed. Pulling out his wand, he knocked the short man unconscious and took his money.

Since Lumpy had no food and plenty of money, he took the sensible option and ate the money. Someone tried to sell him some vegetables for the money but Lumpy hated vegetables. Yuck.

Anyway, Lumpy continued his travels until he saw a strange sight. In the land ahead of him, everything was 2D and mushrooms were jumping around amongst some pigs. In the land behind him, everything was 3D and oranges were leaping amongst some elephants. Curious, Lumpy walked across the border.

Lumpy immediately saw changes in his body. His fingers stuck into one giant hand and his clothes all expired and he was left naked. He held a wooden stick in a hand and was sitting in the middle of a prairie with strange people in old fashioned suits who called him a noob.

The first thing that occurred to Lumpy was that he was very hungry. He checked his pockets then realised he wasn’t wearing pants. He walked around looking for food until he saw a small mushroom. He tried to pick it up, but the moment he touched it, purple numbers appeared on top of his head. Thinking that the numbers looked funny, Lumpy kept touching the mushroom until suddenly, a tombstone fell from the sky and his body turned transparent and white. A moment later, he appeared in another place.

Lumpy was in the middle of a forest with houses built on tall trees. In the centre of all the trees was an especially large one. Licking his lips, he started eating the tree.

Many splinters in the tongue later, Lumpy gave up and decided it would be wiser to climb the tree.

Many splinters in the arms later, Lumpy gave up and decided it would be better to climb the rope.

Many blisters in the hand later, Lumpy took the stairs.

When Lumpy reached the top, he expected to find some food for his efforts. Instead, he saw an old man with a large hat. He tried to mug him but he was quickly sealed by magical bonds.

“What are you doing here? You’re obviously no magician. You lack luck and intelligence,” asked the old man.

Lumpy grinned sheepishly at his hands.

“But you look sad and mistreated, so I’ll give you your job advancement anyway,” said the old man.

Lumpy had no idea what job advancement was. The old guy seemed to assume a lot. Anyway he ran around with a cheesy grin on his face and outstretched arms, when suddenly, bright patterns appeared around him.

Lumpy felt stronger and more powerful. Finding a nearby pylon, he tried knocking it down.

Many splinters in the hand later, the old man drop kicked Lumpy out of the building.

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The other Lumpy =D

You oughta read it if you haven’t it’s pretty good stuff. =D