Let’s see. . . where to start. Well, let’s just say I’m starting over. With everything.

Old News

I quit Maple. My world crashed and burned one too many times.

Ever since last summer, my Maple world would suddenly go downhill, leaving me in despair and loneliness. But I kept at this game, struggling to keep that fake smile plastered on my face and the sadness and anger out of my words until someone would come along and pull me out of this turmoil. This cycle happened once, twice, maybe even three times. But the last time was the final straw. I snapped. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t pretend that it didn’t hurt when good friends began to ignore me or people I loved abandoned me. Not anymore.

I knew that it was time to move on. May 6, 2007, was that time. I logged on to say my goodbyes. That day was the last day I ever spoke to some, and the first I ever heard from some in months. As I spammed my emails and screen names, my goodbyes and my last jokes, I thought to myself, The first time they acknowledge me is when I’m going, going, gone. Some didn’t even say a word, just joked with their other buddies. One was one of my best friends, which really broke my heart. But at least it was the last time my heart would be broken by them.

Slightly More Recent News

After having Steve [LunarPanda <3] bug me to play Flyff, I decided to try it out. And, surprisingly, I loved it. I now have an Acrobat [Bow] on Aibatt. It’s hella fun and [I never thought I’d say this about ANY game] I have fun training and leveling my character! ! I passed Steve in 4 days, and I’m on my way to passing Rose-san [Roisin]. In fact, I’m already level 37. ^^”

Stew-o and Rose-san DITCHED me for Granado Espada, but Stew-o said he would join me in Flyff again once school breaks. So in that two-week span, I’m gonna work on getting to 60. He’s gonna have much fun catching up to me. ;D

Recent News

Okay, I’m back to being emo.

I am. . . very different from everyone else. I never wanted to admit it, but I am. I see things differently, I act differently. . . I have, as Steve says, a kind of third eye.

If you thought you could never be mature enough, you can. I’m too mature for my age. I look at the twisted side of humanity, approaching situations in “different” ways than others.

I can’t express my feelings. At least, not truly. To avoid being sent down to guidance or being given weird looks, I have to keep everything to myself. So that’s what I did. I bottled it all inside, never opening my heart to anyone. Not letting out a single thing. And, of course, I snapped.

One day, during Lit class, I snapped. I broke down and started to cry.. Those past weeks I was having trouble with my best friend, Bryan, who is terribly boneheaded [Sorry sweetie, but it’s true.] and has very different views and interests from me. He lives in NY while I live in NJ, so the only means of communication was AIM and Maple Story, which, as I mentioned, I quit. All this added up to huge gaps in our conversations and days that went without us speaking to each other at all. I put pressure on myself because I couldn’t keep the relationship strong, but I didn’t tell anyone about the problem. I just bottled it up inside.

During that Lit class I was flipping through my notebook, and saw a picture I drew of Bryan. That’s when something inside me shattered. My teacher had to take me outside, where she said I could tell her about everything that was wrong. Did she really think I could just spill everything out after holding everything inside for years? But, surprisingly, I did. Well, not all of it, and I lied about some details, but it’s as close as I’m gonna get. For an hour I cried and talked, including the problem with Bryan.

A week after my talk with my teacher, I decided to give my friendship with Bryan another go. I IM’ed him and Amazingly, he said he missed me and he was sorry for not realizing that we didn’t talk a lot. [It’s a LOT more complicated than that, but I gave him credit for realizing that. Hey, it’s a start.] So, again, we’re BFFL+eternity.

And my friend is joking that we’re way more than that when I told her, but w/e. Way too complicated right now. >_>

So anyway. As if talking to one teacher wasn’t enough. When I handed in my self portrait to my art teacher, he was amazed. And then, like a week later, he called me in. [Oh joy, a lecture about my emo-ness.] And yeah, he talked to me about my emo-ness, but he didn’t lecture me. He said that I seemed like I was trapped in a body too young to match my mind, which is right on the mark. So blah blah blah, and then, I broke down again and started crying! L-Y-K-O-M-G-W-T-F-B-B-Q. I’m not gonna bore you with the details so. . . *fastforward*

Yesterday.

Last night I like, turned emo while listening to Britney Spears – Everytime [Yeah I like that song shut up.] and wrote a really emo poem describing my life.

The Poem

What do you know about me
Besides that I’m not what I should be
You ask me why I hide
These dark secrets inside
Are you really so blind
The answer you cannot find?

You say it’s fine
For me to be this way
That’s easy for you to say
You don’t have problems like mine

I weep silently inside
But the only one that knows is me
I tear my heart to shreds
But no one ever sees

I see the twisted truth of humanity
But no one shares this vision
I’ve had to keep myself from insanity
No one else faced this decision

You can’t help me ease the pain
I just keep breaking down
Your so called help is in vain
Because I will always be bound
To this mess of a person you see
Not the one I want to be.

The END of the Poem. Lyk nowai.

And after that I was being emo to Steve, who, thankfully cheered me up. [Thanks Stew-o, you roxx0rz!]

Unfortunately. . .

I saw a screen on BasilMarket of the Japanese band The GazettE. HOLY F- They look scary. And I kinda like their songs. I was like, totally freaking out.

Look: [Btw, Shadow Waffles is LunarPanda. >_>]

NatsumiZer0: And I think I’m starting to like this band the GazettE
NatsumiZer0: NOOO
NatsumiZer0: OMG OMG.
NatsumiZer0: They look sooo scary.
Shadow Waffles: o.o
Shadow Waffles: Wow.
Shadow Waffles: You’re scared of liking a band
Shadow Waffles: Cause they look scary? o.O
NatsumiZer0: link
NatsumiZer0: *Chokes*
Shadow Waffles: HOLY ****!
NatsumiZer0: link
NatsumiZer0: I’m freaking out right now
Shadow Waffles: Mommy….
Shadow Waffles: *Grabs onto Rya’s Leg*
Shadow Waffles: I’M SCARED T-T
Shadow Waffles: Seriously though
Shadow Waffles: It’s your average gothic band
NatsumiZer0: T-T
Shadow Waffles: Just…a bit overdone.
NatsumiZer0: *Cries*
Shadow Waffles:
NatsumiZer0: Gothic *sob*
Shadow Waffles: *Huggles*
NatsumiZer0: WAHHH

I’m telling you, they are friggin’ scary! But anyway. This blog is getting too long and I don’t want to emofy or gothify the entire MMO community. So. . .

[/endblog]

See ya everyone!

EDIT – Oh and, I have some pics of some recent drawings.

Pic 1 – Drawing of Bryan that made me completely break down and cry hysterically. link

Pic 2 – Drawing of a random girl that made Steve drool. [Ignore note pl0x.] link

Pic 3 – Drawing of Bryan’s mage link

Pic 4 – Random couple. link