Your favourite crazy ‘dit and his trigger-happy, long-suffering ‘sin friend are back, with more trouble, more slime, and more…food poisoning?
…I sound like a TV commercial.
Thanks for the reviews. I now have a slightly better idea of where I’m going (not that much, though) but here we go…enjoy! I know that this chapter may seem pointless, and…it is. Shock horror!

This is just to create a setting and further outline their relationship before the next chapter and the action fully kicks in. But I hope you’ll enjoy it anyway =D

EDIT: Argh, now that I’m looking at it now, I wonder how awake I was when writing it. Oh well. Please forgive the crappy quality of this chapter…>_<

—-
Clunk, smash. Clunk, smash. Clunk, smash. Clunk-
“Az!” I bellowed, and sat up, hurling the pillow across the room at the wall. It hit with a faint thud that did nothing to stop the sound. Frustrated, I got out of bed, pulled a sauna robe around myself, not wanting to chance the still-slimed shadow gear, and staggered to the door of the bathroom, still groggy with sleep. I paused outside, while the ‘Clunk, smash’ continued, hammered on the door and, screaming at the top of my lungs, “I’m going to kill you once you get out of there! You understand?! Open up in there! Open! This door! Right now! Or whatever the Lava Dungeon you’re doing I’m going to-” I literally leapt back as the clunking stopped and the door opened, revealing his face framed in between door and doorway and looking like a kicked Jr. Grupin.

“There’s no need to be so mean,” he said, looking at me with a pained smile. “I was just…fixing pipes.”
“Could you…fix pipes at some time when I’m not trying to sleep?” I growled, and he shrugged and gave me an innocent smile. I ignored that and was slouching off to bed, when the door closed and I realised I had just missed out on a chance to give him a good pounding once and for all. Bemoaning my loss loudly, I collapsed into bed and drifted off once more.

I woke up the next morning, still grouchy from the midnight interruption, and, sitting up in bed, opened my mouth to yell at him. I would’ve, at least, if I hadn’t been cut off by the lovely and all-pervading smell of coffee. My one weakness. I glared up at the owner of the hand aimlessly waving the cup in front of me, and snapped, “I’m still not forgiving you for the slime and the…pipes,” but took it out of his hands anyway.
“You’ll forgive me,” he said airily, and, with a flourish, produced a de-slimed set of shadow gear, so well cleaned that the metal was shiny despite its various nicks and scratches. Carefully, I put the coffee down and looked at it. I could actually see my face in it, and, as he began to laugh, shut my steadily-falling jaw with a clack of teeth.

“Is this why you were…fixing pipes…last night?” I demanded, laying the gear down carefully. “Answer me!” He couldn’t, of course, he was too busy laughing.
“You should have seen your face,” he gasped, clinging to the side of the bed to keep from collapsing on the floor. “Forgive me yet?”
“Yes,” I said reluctantly. “Kind of.” His grin widened and he said, “That’s good. So you won’t kill me for what I’m going to get you to do?”

“It figures you had an ulterior motive,” I grumbled to myself, a couple of hours later in the cab to Kerning. “I’m not doing it. And I’m still sleepy.” I knew I was behaving like a sulky kid and didn’t particularly care. The fact that it was him was enough justification for me.
“Come on,” he said, gesturing at his own shoulder. “You can sleep here. I’m comfy.”
“I don’t trust you,” I said, shaking my head quickly. “You have lecherous intent.” He looked a little surprised at that.
“I do?” he asked. “Since when?” I rolled my eyes in disgust and decided to look out the window instead of at him, since that would only make me more annoyed. This wasn’t such a good idea; I could feel my stomach churning and the throb of nausea in the back of my head from the view I was getting. The cursed-as-all-Zakum taxi had some weird magic, and the worst of all was the way the scenery passed by.

Before I threw up all over the taxi, I turned to press my forehead against his shoulder. Note the usage of the word ‘tried’. I forgot that he was wearing armour and ended up giving myself a minor concussion, which just made me feel sicker.
“I don’t feel so good,” I moaned, and gallantly, he swept off his pilfer and positioned it in front of my face. I blinked a couple of times. Once more, just to affirm what I was seeing. Then I burst out laughing.

I was still laughing, slightly, when the cab deposited us outside the building housing the potion shop. Luckily for him, the occasion to use the hat hadn’t arisen. He carefully repositioned it on his head, squishing his hair down below it, making me laugh even more as he looked at me with a wounded expression all over his face.
“Just because I have hat hair,” he said, voice pained, “Doesn’t mean you should be able to make fun of me.”
“You do all the time,” I taunted. “Goes to figure the tables should turn sometime.” Then I turned away and stalked off in triumph. Straight off a step. I tripped, fell, and rolled all the way down, finishing in an undignified heap at the base of the stairs while random people laughed at me.

I picked myself up, face burning, and turned to glare at Az, probably standing at the top of the stairs laughing his head off at me. He wasn’t; I blinked. Suspiciously, I turned back, and glared at him, while his grin spread steadily from side to side.
“I never knew you were such a good aerial gymnast,” he commented, and my throwing hand twitched.
“Would you like to keep all your teeth?” I asked, enunciating each syllable very carefully and deliberately. He appeared to consider.
“Will you spoon-feed me afterwards if I say no?”

Choking, I raised a hand and yelled, “What kind of answer is that?!” He shrugged and began to walk towards the subway, leaving me behind. I had the greatest urge to Haste myself over and stab him, but resisted and plodded after him instead, trying to dust myself off.

“Remember the plan,” he said seriously to me, as we were about to enter the Subway. “Our success depends on it.” The ticketing usher was looking at us strangely; I couldn’t say I blamed him. To Az, I just muttered, “I really, really hope you die from this,” and walked in.

The subway gave us a little more leverage; with the amount of pillars and supports, there were only so many directions a bubbling could dodge in. The trick was figuring out which one. It really wasn’t that hard; if you were a giant blob of jelly, with a crazy human chasing you, and another, not-so-crazy human waiting for you, what did you do?

You went the other way, of course. I tricked on Haste and, as the bubbling headed to the other side of the pillar, I skidded out and grabbed it, with some difficulty. He drew to a halt, looking smug, a look that I had the great pleasure of wiping away by shoving the bubbling into his arms.
“I’m not getting slimed this time,” I informed him. “Your psycho idea. Your call.” He tried to turn the pleading look on me, but I turned around and killed some of the stragglers, ignoring him despite his whine of, “You promised…

I couldn’t decide whether to be gratified or worried by the ensuing violent gagging sounds, and narrowly dodged a veritable geyser of bubbling essence spurting past my ear. Turning around, I was fortunate, or perhaps unfortunate, enough to see him on his knees, retching. The bubbling was looking…apologetic, if that was possible.

“Well, well. Whaddya know, my wish came true,” I said smugly. But watching him being very sick wasn’t as satisfying as I’d hoped, especially when I remembered that I would have to be the one hauling him to the surface.

This I did, with some reluctance, and a wave to the bubbling. When I reached the surface, Shumi, sitting at her usual spot, glanced at him and looked very disturbed.
“What happened to him?” she asked, blinking, then looking away as he gagged.
“He wanted to see how bubblings tasted like,” I said disgustedly, and she looked worried.
“I’ve heard they’re very poisonous,” she answered nervously, edging away. “Someone told me that if you eat bubbling slime, you die in the next half-hour…”

I’ll swear now, I never moved as fast as I did during that half-hour. Somehow I even managed to get him up a ladder, to Dr Faymus’s, screaming curses at him all the way.
“Ah, Talian. You are wanting to buy potions, yes-” The doctor stopped to stare at Az, who was actually turning blue. A vial of something dark red and gooey dropped out of the doctor’s hand and shattered on the ground.

“He are eat bubbling slime…yes?” asked the Doctor slowly, and I nodded fervently.
“Ah, yes. It are very popular nowaday with stupid young thief. No cure, just need sleep, water, fresh air.”
“He’s not going to die in the next half-hour?” I demanded, not knowing whether to be relieved or annoyed. “I’m stuck with him still?”
“Oh no, he not die. Just very sick. I say you two take holiday to Lith Harbour, yes? Fresh air and water very good.” The good doctor disappeared behind the counter, presumably to clean things up. “City air not good for soul.”
“That’s good,” I said, grinding the words out through clenched teeth as I deposited Az on a bench, whereupon he fell down like a rag doll. “Could you please watch him for me a while, Doctor? I need to go kill Shumi.”
—-
And this ends the first arc. The second will be forthcoming – don’t worry, Az and Li’s adventures haven’t finished yet. Li’s name has finally been revealed! Az gets his payback!
Watch out for next time, where Az and Li go on vacation! [/cheesysoapiead]