Aaand the next chapter of this insanely pointless story has arrived! Thanks for reviews – I shall try and spawn out one chapter a day. Hopefully. Please enjoy the return of Az and Li! =D

If anyone ever saw the Pon and Zi comics, that’s what this just suddenly reminded me of. Except that Az isn’t as sweet and emo as Pon. >w<

—-
“This is pointless,” I grumbled, whacking a plant with my claw aimlessly. He didn’t hear me; instead, he was running up a ladder, chasing another of the little slimes which were his new obsession. Sparing a glance at the seat of his pants, I thought to myself how…enticing a target it was, then decided, albeit against my better judgement, that he was still my friend. If you could still use that word.
“Got one!” I heard him yell triumphantly, and I walked straight into one of the trees while trying my best to ignore his wild laughter. Unfortunately, he noticed. My ears burned as I picked myself up and brushed myself off, still doing my best to ignore him while he was nearly doubled up hysterically on the branch. A magician, passing by, took one look at the psychotic bandit and ran away as fast as he could.

“So what do slimes taste like, huh?” I asked, trying to divert his attention.
“I didn’t get to taste that one,” he admitted, once he was coherent enough. “You’ll have to help me.”
“Wha-at?” I yelped, glaring up at him. “Hey, I thought this little obsession of yours would be harmless!” He climbed down the ladder until her was standing right in front of me, looked at me bemusedly and said, “It is.”
“I meant to me,” I growled, and a grin spread across his face. Without saying anything, he grabbed me by the wrist, towed me across the slippery grass of Ellinia forestland, and sat me outside one of the tree dungeons. Leaning in, he pointed at a happy-looking mob of slimes not too far away.

“I’m going to go in there and chase those slimes towards you,” he whispered, as if expecting the slimes to hear. I fumbled with my Steelys, hoping I could bury one in his eye or something to dissuade him from involving me in…this. He didn’t seem to be aware of the impending doom about to hit him; i.e. looking like a pirate for the rest of his life. Instead, he continued, “You use Dark Sight and stay hidden. Then once one is near enough, you grab it, and I’ll find out what they taste like.”
“That has got to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” I said flatly, getting my hand around a Steely. He jumped back and grinned, waving his shinkita just in time to deflect his future existence as a pirate lookalike.

“Did you know that you’re an idiot?” I growled, as he raced off. He threw a laugh back over his shoulder at me, and I sighed and concentrated until I turned invisible.

I looked up in time to hear the sound of a hundred-odd slimes, all panicked and scared, bouncing towards me, chased by Az, who was racing behind them and slashing at the ones who fell too far behind. It would actually have been funny if it hadn’t been me facing the onslaught. There was no way I was going to jump out and be stampeded…by…slimes. That would be the most undignified death I’d ever suffer.

“Come on!” he yelled, and I groaned, slid out while a little part of my brain screamed at me in disgust, and un-vanished myself. Instantly, the slime mob split into two halves and routed around me, leaving me to wonder why I still had him as a friend.
“Grab one!” His manic yelling brought me back to the present and I dodged straight in front of one of the stragglers and swept it up by the bobble; it shrieked and I almost felt sorry for it. It wasn’t its fault it was involved in one of his manic schemes. Carefully, I pulled it into a hug, resisting the urge to rip off my clothes and have a long hot bath. Eeurgh. They weren’t called slimes for nothing.

He approached, looked at it carefully, and swiped a finger along its surface. I watched in disgust as he put the slime-coated finger in his mouth and looked thoughtful, all the time considering how much I would contribute to his funeral, and wondering what his epitaph would say. Here lies Azrael, a good Bandit and an…interesting…man. May he ever remember the taste of slime-
“Lemon,” he said at length, and I accidentally eviscerated the slime with a Steely in my shock, making him go into another bout of hysterics. It didn’t take me long to figure out why. My arms, stomach, legs and shoes were all completely covered in…slime.
“I hope you get violent food poisoning,” I said hollowly, looking down in misery at my ruined shadow set, dripping in sticky green ooze. At length, he tried to help me wipe it off, but I shoved him away and continued staring in despair. Then I remembered what he had said, and looked up at him, eyes narrowing. “Lemon?”

“They taste like lemons, only sweeter,” he said, and, to my horror, stuck my hand in the slime all over my top and lifted it to just in front of my face. “Try some.”
“No!” I yelled, pulling away from him and stepping back, very fast. “No way! I don’t want to die like you!” He grinned and pulled out his purse, fumbled through, pulled out a 50-meso coin and held it up in front of me. I narrowed my eyes at him.
“No,” I repeated, but my resolve was weakening. He looked in again, added a hundred-meso coin, and nudged it at me. I shook my head stubbornly. If he wanted me to die with him, he would have to up the ante. Which reminded me: why wasn’t he writhing on the ground, frothing at the mouth yet?

Another little rummage, and he presented five hundred mesos to me. I glared at him and grabbed at the mesos, but he dodged back and waved a finger at me.
“Ah, ah,” he said teasingly. “Try it first.”
“Promise you won’t gyp me?” I demanded, and he nodded. I didn’t trust him. “Swear on the Dark Lord’s name?”
“I swear on the Dark Lord’s name that I’m not going to cheat you out of this…” He counted, then added another coin. “Seven hundred and fifty mesos. But you have to taste it. And tell me what it tastes like. Honestly.”
“All right then,” I said warily, while mentally listing any number of swearwords I would have loved to use to describe him. “But I’m warning you.”
“Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a Steely in my eye. Satisfied?” He waved his hand up and down, making the money jingle, and I nerved myself, raised a hand and stuck the back of my hand to my mouth.

Reluctantly, I looked up at him, and he grinned. “Well?”
“Lime,” I said, outstretching a hand. “Now gimme my money.” He pressed the money into my hand, and I glared at him. “You owe me a bath, dinner and a drink to get this taste out of my mouth.”
He just laughed, chucked a ‘return to nearest town’ scroll at me and vanished, leaving me slime-soaked and fumbling to pull the scroll open.

The day was getting progressively worse. I stumbled off the magician I had landed on and managed to say, “Sorry, the return scroll was faulty-” before he got up, took one look at me and burst out laughing. I lowered my head, feeling my face heat up, and itching to stab this magician in the face.

“Ahahaha! Hey, everyone, look at this! Ahahahah! What happened to you? Got owned by slimes, noob? Ahahahahaha-” He shut up, very quickly. Maybe because he saw the light and wanted to fix the error of his ways. Or maybe because I had just drawn a Steely. Or maybe because Az had shoved the point of his weapon underneath this good magician’s chin. Or maybe even a combination of the last two.

“That’s not nice,” Az said, tilting his head to one side. I waved my Steely, hand in throwing position. The magician mumbled out a hasty, “Sorry,” and Az lowered his cutter and took the throwing knife out of my hand. The now very lucky magician, in my opinion anyways, ran away before the two crazy rogues could hunt him down and kill him to death, and I glared at Az.
“You should have made him apologise for each offence specifically,” I said grouchily, pulling back my knife with slime-coated hands. “See, this is why I hate you.”
“Not because I get you into embarrassing and life-threatening situations? Oh, you almost had me worried,” he said mock-happily, and turned away before I could spit out something really catty. Then he turned back, and just as I opened my mouth to yell at him, he said, “We’re taking the cab to Kerning tomorrow, by the way.” I choked and raced after him as he continued walking.
“What? Why?!” I demanded, and he looked at me with that amused expression on his face that gave me the biggest urge to shove my avarice where the sun – I mean, to kill him. Painfully. What he said next elevated that urge to the point where I was actually going for my knives before stopping myself. With tremendous reluctance.

“Because if slimes taste like lime, then bubblings have to taste like something too, don’t they?”

He grinned at the look on my face. “Come on, Li. For the sake of wisdom.”
“You better buy me a really expensive dinner,” I warned him, carefully putting my Steely back in its pouch. “Or else I swear on Zakum’s unholy name that the next time we go to El Nath, I’m going to steal your shoes and leave you to the mercy of the wolves on the icefields.”
—-

Az’s insanity seems to know no bounds. Will Li get her expensive dinner? Will Az end up dying of slime poisoning? Will this magician come back to haunt them in later chapters? Will they be going to El Nath? Find out next time!

On a note: For those of you who didn’t catch Az’s full name, it’s Azrael. xD

I’m still not sure where I’m going with this story. Should I continue it on the humorous note? Or should it take a darker twist later on? Please feedback me.