Most people do not know the story behind these red-green slimes that were made for the Christmas patch. Nexon makes you think that they are just jolly happy souls that jump around with smiles on their faces. But have you ever noticed that they only smile when they jump? That’s because they aren’t actually smiling, Nexon just gave them a face-lift that is only noticeable when you jump.

When I noticed this one day while making my “protect the slimes” walk-a-thon in Henesys Hunting Ground 1. So I got on my detective hat and oversized magnifying glass and was on the case. It was hard, but I finally figured out that Nexon Corporation was located in Austrailia. I could have just looked on Wikipedia, but my family never takes the easy way out of situations. That’s why we drove up a mountain once because the freeway was backed up.

Anyway, I saved up my money from working at BlockBuster and bought a plane ticket to Australia. I do have over $9,000 in my savings account but that money is for video games. Pffft…college.

The plane ride was terrible. I sat next to a baby. He talked to me about politics the ENTIRE time while I was trying to watch Spongebob. I just cut my ears off once he got to the part about how Al Gore should have been President. I feel so…educated.

Well after 12 hours I made it. But I thought it would still be winter. It was summer. There goes my idea of having some dogs pull me across the Outback on a sled. Stupid northern and southern hemisphere science stuff.

It was a long journey to the Nexon HQ. The airplane landed in a sand pit. I think it was supposed to be an airport. The nearest town was 6 hours away. So I jumped on some guy’s shoulders and told him to walk for me. Sucker.

Once I made it there, I went to the bathroom. The guy wasn’t so happy when he found out it– I’ll stop now. It’s probably better if you didn’t know what happened.

So I got to the Nexon building soon after. It looked slightly different then what I thought it would look like. I kind of thought it would be some kind of huge N with a skyscraper on top of it. It was only a skyscraper. In Australia it looked kind of weird. So I pressed my face against the glass and saw a horrible sight…

The red slimes were sitting in a pile, cut in half along with green half-slimes. They were being fused with our regular green slimes to make red-green slimes. It was terrible. I threw up in this car and then went back to the building. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. So I went inside and asked to see the owner. The place was covered in donut boxes.

I shined my magnifying glass at him and he got burnt. So he agreed to tell me the dark secret about the slimes. But then the guards came in and threw me out the window. Thankfully, his office was on the first floor. Since Nexon wouldn’t tell me, I wanted to find out myself.

I won’t go into the details of how I found this, but I’ll tell you what I learned.

Slimes originally lived in feudal Australia. And Nexon’s forefathers were there too. And soon, they created a game. It was called curling. In present days, no one cares about this sport because it is boring. Since it was only -450 A.D. they didn’t have hockey pucks or ice. Or anything needed to play the game.

So they raided the slime metropolis in anger. After they were all dead, they collected the mesos that they dropped and used the copper to make hockey pucks. They also used it to make skates. Then they burned down their houses to get wood for the hockey sticks.

In the winter, the ice was ready and they started to play curling. The slimes were angry at Nexon and they decided to play them in curling. The slimes won because they could slide across the ice with their jelly bodies. Nexon was furious and said

“In 2005, many years later, our afterfathers will create a game called Maplestory and you will be enemies in it. You will die and give 4 more experience then red snails so every noob will want to kill you”.

They did do this, but it wasn’t good enough. So every time an event was made, they would be the target enemies. They could drop items that every player in Maplestory would want.

The moral of the story: curling is boring.

Thank you for reading this woeful tale of the slime history. Next time you see a slime follow it around and defame anyone that kills it. It’s called “Sponsor a Slime”. I will be exposing more evils behind Maplestory and even more conspiracy theorys will come with them. This isn’t over yet Nexon *threatening glare and scary music*