My guardian angel

8 Comments

Yay, I have an inspiration for a poem. This is my first attempt so be nice.XD I hope my title fits the poemO_o Here goes:

My guardian angel

I used to hate English,
hate it right down to the core.
Every English lesson was a bore.
When English exams came,
No doubt, I would get a F-grade

MapleStory is my love,
I would play it everyday.
Some’d say I was addicted.
And indeed I was,
But I live in denial everyday.

One day I found,
in the market of Maplestory,
A strange link that caught my attention.
With curiosity,
I click on it with enthusiasm.

A new browser pop out,
It’s name called MMO Tales,
With a astounding essay
About the game I used to play,
Every single day

I was mesmerized by it,
And I wanted more,
So I click on the all 20 recent blogs,
And read them all,
Each with painstaking attention.

Ebullience came over me,
I wanted to write a good story too,
But how?

I began working doggedly,
Recalling everything my English teacher taught:
The five most important things,
You must never forget,
Is variety, verbs, actions, dialog and feelings.

I wrote my first piece
No one liked it.
And it got me crestfallen,
But then I realised,
Shouldn’t this be for enjoyment?

Enlightened,
I was exuberant all over again,
I know I am addicted now,
Not to MapleStory,
But to MMO Tales.

Shortly after,
My English Teacher gave my an essay to do.
I took an hour more to polish it.
My grade went up.
And indeed I was pleased

I suddenly have this craving,
To write more stories,
And read more books,
Even my friends were shocked.
“I thought you didn’t read books,” she said.

MMO Tales is my guardian angel,
I love it with all my heart.
Because of her,
I loved another new thing,
Because of her, I looked foward to school a little more.

There’s still this subject I don’t like,
Believe me I tried all sorts of methods,
And I still hate Chinese as much as ever.
I hope one day,
Another guardian angel would come my way.

~END~

Please comment and tell me how to do better. I know it stinks, so you guys don’t have to tell me that. I’m trying to add better words in it and increasing my vocabulary. Any other tips?

8 thoughts on “My guardian angel”

  1. Its good sir, but its just that its not ryhmying enough, as for flaming, i surely wont, for i am one of those who lives among the unknown.

  2. Thanks, I really appreciate that you took the time to read it and give comments.

  3. Hee hee, the idea’s so cute XD I’m giggling about it (not that it describes ME or anything . . . -cough >_>-)

    :3

    The rhythym’s a little off, so when you say it aloud in your head it doesn’t flow that well together. Also, you didn’t keep your rhyming pattern the same throughout- it was A B B C D in the first stanza, A B C D B in the second stanza, and moving to the end, it didn’t really have much rhyming in there. If you did try to rhyme, the were a bit imperfect and didn’t perfectly sound write (such as how “again” does not rhyme with “chain” [which is a random example pulled out of my head] )

    Otherwise, it was great I love the vocabulary- I had to look up “Ebullience” (dictionarydotcom says “Zestful enthusiasm”, hee hee x3), and it was extremely pleasing to see something without basic adjectives.

    Love it ^^ Keep going!

  5. Some of the words I didn’t understand. XD

    The rhyme and rhythm were a bit off but overall very nice.

    Also the topic of the poem seemed a bit confusing.

    In the middle I thought your guardian angel was going to be your english teacher but turned out to be MMO Tales.

    Anyways, very nice and keep up the good poetry.

  6. This in my personal opinion was a great story inside a poem but sadly to say, not so well done. Not to repeat anyone here, *cough*Indigo*cough* That yes, your rhyming scheme was off. Unless you were heading for a free verse then, be my guest! But the rhythm was going well at the beginning, slight changes here and there, but rhyming alot of words in about 3-5 stanza’s. o_O; It made sense in the end, but it could improve I’m sorry to criticizingly say. (Is that a word? LOL) And Ebullience I suspected was something joyful and happy and turned out to be “Zestful Enthusiasm” as IndigoLove had said. I liked how it ended although,

    “And I still hate Chinese as much as ever.
    I hope one day,
    Another guardian angel would come my way.”

    Possibly a cMS MMOTales?! lol. Keep up the great work!

  7. I hate Chinese too. More precisely, I hate having to choke down the prescribed Chinese syllabus that the school sets. Little wonder why I did so badly for my Higher Chinese exams. But I’m okay speaking it everyday.
    Anyway, good luck on your Chinese.

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