Hey guys, my poems are doing quite alright, sadly, it’s not because my poetic skills have gone down, it’s because people like “break up” poems more. oO
Oh well, this one is about how SOME parents LOVE their kids to be perfect. From a kids point of view.
Everyday after school, your always there.
I pulled off my backpack, but there’s something i fear.
I fear you would make me do something i hated.
My homework, so i had my afternoon tea and waited.
Waiting for you to say “DO YOUR HOMEWORK IF YOU WANT BETTER GRADES”
Why do you have such hgih expectations, you make me afraid.
Nobody was born perfect, why are you demanding so much from me
Maybe that’s the way all kids are suppose to be?
I really want you to know, Im not your servant, Im your child
Sometimes you make ME to wild.
Please don’t give me HUGE lectures.
You always say you know about my future.
You want me to succeed in life alot
Maybe you havn’t realised that im thinking “so what?”
I mean, i DO care about my grades and stuff.
but your making my life miserable and tough.
I know your thinking for the best.
But maybe, just maybe, we should give it a lil rest.
I try my best to reach your expectation
But please stop thinking to Perfection.
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I hope you guys enjoyed that. Maybe you can pm me if you want about w/e and i’ll write a poem dedicated to you or you and that peson or w/e.
Like if u wanted me to write a poem from you to him or you to her or you and your group of friends. I don’t mind, as long as i get to write a poem. ^_^
have fun. ^_^
That totally applies to my parents and the majority of asian parents
I liked the message, but not the poem. It reads like prose somehow. . . only broken up into short lines. :/ It’s just my opinion, of course, not that I’m like some experienced critic.
cute poem, perfectly describes my asian parents, but what SilverFx said, i don’t really like the poem, I like the message. 😛
I’m sorri, but the following message would be kinda harsh.
– NEVER, i repeat NEVER write a requested poem. Poems aren’t meant for those indirect hidden messages, it’s to express the inner feeling of the poet, not the mind of another person. Therefore, NEVER write a requested poem,
–
Typos, typos, typos, Proof read! must!
~Looking foward to your next blog~
– VanillaPocki –
I rethink about wut i said earlier, i was wrong, you have the rite to do wutever you like. And i was being selfish to tell you to never do it. >__>
I take bac wut i said. I was abit mean
– VanillaPocki –
oh no no no, i don’t mind. Being flamed or commented is just a helping hand for me to be better.
Yep, like Estel said. Proofread for spelling errors, and some of the rhyming is imperfect. I’m a stickler for that, sorry. =x Also, the number of syllables is a little irregular. For example in the second stanza, the syllables read 16-15-17-12. If you wanted it to flow, you could make the syllable pattern 16-15-16-15; do I make sense? D= Just that the number of syllables should be a little more regular if you want the poem to flow. I find odd-even-odd-even works well, but don’t listen to me if you don’t like it. Try out odd-odd-even-even, or even-odd-odd-even, whatever works. It starts off tricky and gets easier.
Hope I wasn’t too longwinded or harsh or anything. Hope to see some more of your poetry. =D
P.S. Although my mum is Asian too, she’s a little different from the typical Asian mum. x3 And I’m glad for that. I couldn’t quite relate, myself, but I understand the message.