Okie. This is my inspiration that ‘hit’ me. If its good, i’ll continue.. if its bad.. screw it. i’ll think of something else.
I know how i want the ending to be. And the beginning.. a bit of it. I JUST NEED TO WORK OUT THE MIDDLE & BEGINNING! zz
By the way, the title spells ‘L O V E’ Just say it, it’ll make sense.
Soo. here it goes.
“GET UP ANDREW! YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE AGAIN!” Mum yelled from the kitchen.
“UGHHHHHH!” I grunted back. I stumbled out of bed and pulled on my uniform. Sigh, a typical school year start. I went to the bathroom to freshen up. I looked up at the mirror and grunted. It grunted back at me, horrible creature.
I glanced at the clock sleepily. Oh, it’s just five to eigh.. OH NO! IT’S FIVE TO EIGHT! I sprinted downstairs, grabbed my toast muttered a quiet “Bye Mum” and when to get my dagger. Being a bandit is awesome, it’s amazing seeing them close up. I hasted myself and ran to meet my friends, it pays to have max haste.
-BRINNNGGGGGGG BBBBBBBBBRRRRRRINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG-
“Sorry Ms Winkins” “Sorry Mr. Pantin”
I peered inside the classroom door, thinking of excuses. I froze. Who is that man in black? Half the class seems to be sleeping, and the other half seems to be frozen scared. As the man puts his hands to their temples.. they start to drop. He stands up and heads for the door. I try to move, but im frozen. The last thing i see is the man’s golden eyes…
“Andrew.. please wake up,” I hear a familiar voice above me. I try to open my heavy eyelids. “NURSE! He’s responding.. SOMEONE! HELP HIM!” I hear noises of curtains being pulled and someone crying. By the time my left eye is opened, everyone seemed to be bored. Only the doctors and nurses peered at me with interest. But something felt wrong. Something IS wrong. I could only see Black. And White.
“Mum? Dad? I can only see black and white! What is wrong with me?” I wailed and sobbed, just like a little child. I felt so lost, so empty. I didn’t know what happened, but somehow, i felt so clear about it. My heart dropped. What about my friends? My teachers? Everyone?
End
It sucks. I know. I cant write >.> And i’m sorry it’s so short.
Oh well. Tell me how i can improve it.. cause i know i can. I just don’t know what to do -.-”’
Also, i need character names. I was soo stuck in deciding Andrew. So yeah.. Ideas?
Thanks.
By the way, if it really sucks, suggestions. If its good, click ‘I like this blog’ and comment how i can improve?
^^
xx xBLiNG
You kind of rushed into the story a bit too fast. I see the effect you were trying to give the reader, but we don’t really know anything about the characters or the setting or anything for that matter. I liked your descriptions of the main character and his actions at the beginning. It was a good try, keep at it, and revise after every chapter 😀
I agree with Rew there; you did rush into it a bit. But it’s quite a catchy beginning. Just mind your punctuation and be a little more descriptive, then I believe you’ll have one heck of a story to write. =D
And don’t worry about not knowing anything in advance. It’ll come to you as you write it, and I think you may find that it only gets better as it goes.
Have fun writing, and good luck! I’ll be tracking you along the way. =D
Wow its really catchy, come up with the first one quick,
i agree with yall -.-
Yup, very catchy. If only it wasn’t rushed like all the people said. XD
I think it’s pretty good and you should continue. But why does he make such a big fuss about seeing only black and white? He acts like his life is over just because he can’t see in colours