Flower Petal III part 1

Ok guys im gonna slow down on this chapter oks. This is a 2 part story because right now im sick so i dont feel like writing alot so please excuse any mistakes and stuff. Thank you.

David and his little gang finally arrived at El Nath. The snow softly falling down from the skies, slowly piling on each other. David stopped and turned around. “Guys go ahead and get information, im going to the hotel to check in.”
“Yes Sir!” and they all ran off to different stores. David walked slowly, pondering on his brothers death.

He finally arrived at the hotel, checked in, and walked to the warm and comfortable fireplace. He found a nice cozy sofa and sat down. He sorted his stars and went through his equipment. The whole gang came in and told him that Jackie could be found somewhere in Ludibrium. “Good job….you all are dismissed.” David got up and walked into the hall that his room is in. He walked into someone and dropped everything. “Oh im so sorry about this miss.”

“Oh its not a problem.” David looked up and saw Cathy.

“Oh my god Cathy, what are you doing here!?”

“Hehe i work here David.” David started to blush and helped her up. “Well i have to go David see you around!”

David watched as Cathy walked away with her hair swaying and then David turned around and smiled. “Cathy…..hehe i saw you again.” David turned around and smiled again then walked to his room and opened it.

David walked inside and closed the door behind, getting ready for the new day.

Ok guys thats it also i might put someone in our very own MMO TALES in my story.
So leave me some information on your character for maplestory. ^-^ V

3 thoughts on “Flower Petal III part 1”

  1. Too many ‘around’ in the last few paragraphs.

    Capitals for ‘i’ when referring to a person.

    Use apostrophes. Like “I’m” instead of ‘im’.

    Still plain in my opinion.

    EDIT: The commas, THEY ARE YOUR FRIENDS! RAWR.

  2. Ok guys im gonna slow down on this chapter oks. This is a 2 part story because right now im sick so i dont feel like writing alot so please excuse any mistakes and stuff. Thank you.

    . . .

    If you don’t want to write,
    don’t write.

    If you do something.
    Do it well my friend.

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