First Divide: Prologue
Rated 13 and up for mild swearing, and angst. (Although I know some of you wont listen. O.o;)
I’m really sorry if this sucks, romance isn’t really my genre. I actually suck at it the most. So bare wtih me. Dx
Rofl, this idea just popped into my head this morning. xD
I can’t really write early in the morning either… *still feels sleppy*
Ill probably end up rewriting it later. X_x
—
I staggered through the grassy fields of Ellinia, clutching firmly onto my right arm. Damn it, who was the idiotic bastard who said third times the charm ? Whoever he is, he should have a death wish
My breath became heavy as I dropped to my knees; blood dripping from my forehead. I rested my back on the stump of the tree next to me and stuck out both of my feet in a casual manner, tucking my hands behind my back. I wiped the sweat and dried blood off my brow and drifted off into wonder for a moment.
This had been the third time one of my remarkable plans has failed. That asshole, what was his name again ? Hmm, oh yes, Artemis. He always seemed to be a step ahead of me no matter what.
No matter how many times I tried to kill that Artemis, he always ended up winning, leaving me in serious wounds on the pavement, good thing my injuries this time werent too bad. Ive tried trickery, taunting, and NOTHING seems to work.
Who is Artemis and why do I want him dead you ask? Artemis is my fowl, putrid, brother. I dont even know why I even waste my time calling him brother, he does not deserve such praise.
Mother, and father always loved him more, and they werent afraid to show it. I guess you can say my heart had been consumed by jealousy and hatred for him ever since childhood; Im not afraid to admit it. I wanted to see him fall to his knees in pain and beg for mercy. I wanted to stomp all over his grave and laugh at his tombstone. To draw the line, I wanted him dead. Hands down.
I continued to reminisce, clutching my fist so hard that my knuckles had become white; blood seeping through my leather gloves. I could hardly feel the pain the wounds had given me. All I could feel now was the numbing cold of my abhorrence.
Some of you would think, Why the hell would you be wasting your time like this? What are you trying to prove? Simple, I wanted to prove Im better. Everyday of my god damn life, I had worked my heart out, training and studying, attempting to show that I was the better child. But they never paid attention to me
When I won a ribbon, Artemis won a trophy. When I got an A+, Artemis got an A++. Like I said before, that idiot was always one step ahead of me, ever since childhood.
I quickly snapped out of my thoughts, my body stiffened as I heard a familiar voice. I shifted my gaze from behind the tree.
What coincidence? There was Artemis, walking steadily with his Asianic in hand, trailing behind a girl. Interesting I wrinkled my nose and continued to watch, fixing my eyes on the girl.
She was a cleric, about a couple of inches shorter than the average height for someone her age. Short, red hair that seemed to curl slightly at the ends; dark crimson eyes filled with What is this ? Annoyance ? Then it hit me, was this a one sided love ?
Piss off already! The girl fumed, pointing the feathers of her Wu Sun in his face.
K-Kei, can you just hear me out? Artemis plead, grabbing her wrist firmly.
I covered my mouth, it was so hard to not laugh at this scene; I watched the girl fixed her eyes on his foot.
-STOMP-
Ow! My foot!
I choked on my laughter. How entertaining this was, all the pain in my body was turned into lively joy. The girl called Kei took off like a rocket, taking her chance and her ran as far away from Artemis as she could, I was amazed by her speed. She was quite fast for a cleric. Artemis quickly regained his posture and followed her, calling out her name.
I chuckled sadistically, as I made sure Artemis was gone. My head stared up into the night sky, as if the heavens had just blessed me.
I cant believe I didnt think of it before
—
-Yun
*munches on cookies* Comments? o-O
Man, finally, a new writer that can write. OH MOTHER OF LORD!
Anyways your the first person I know that wrote a story from the point of a ‘bad’ guy. The story plot is excellent.
BUT, (yes, the mood ruiner) you could go for some foreshadowing (I recomend this, even though I suck, as I said to Aaru last night o.O). For example, instead of explaining that Artemis was his brother, you could gradually show it througout the story, or have a shocking discovery in one of the chapters with either the main character or Artemis reveil the shocking fact.
Those are just my ideas though. I’d give this story a 8/10?
~Shatred, Offical Critic of MMOTales ><
Haha, thanks for the comments. xD
I’ll give your ideas some thought.
-Yun
Lol, I’m glad I could help.
*pat* your one of the only new people whos started writing that actually use something I call correct paragraphing, grammer, word usage, spellcheck, and unchichish plot.
Good job and keep upthe good work.
i like this blog although 8/10 for me too i give this story 8/10 but i like it lots srry
>.< >.< srry! out,
ooh im bak are you korean too? Yun sounds fimiliar he’s my friend
Haha. xD
There’s no need to say sorry, I like it when people point out the flaws in my writing. It gives me a chance to fix them and improve. O.o
-Yun
I’m Asian, but not Korean. ^^;;
-Yun
Are you chinese?
Lol, no, Vietnamese. =x
-Yun
Cookies? *sniffs the air* You’ve been having double-chocolate-chip-cookies-with-frosting-sprinkles-and-smarties-on-the-top HAVEN’T YOU?
Wait,
Is this the Artemis from [u]Artemis Fowl[/u]? And is Kei supposed to be Holly? Then where’s Butler and Juliet and Foaly? *sniffs*
Rawr, you’ve caught me. 0.0 *eats a double-chocolate-chip-cookies-with-frosting-sprinkles-and-smarties-on-the-top* =P
Lol, my story isn’t based on ‘Artemis Fowl.’ O.o;;
I just like the same ‘Artemis.’ xD
-Yun
Juliet is cool. Dun diss her ><
I’ve read all the Artemis Fowl books. tehehe