normally I wouldn’t write a blog a day after the last 1, but I’m writing quicker for zacks and RythymCheck, so here’s A Hermit’s Story Part 7.
Cheif Bandit: last time we met I had a chance to kill you and I passed it up, which nearly resulted in my own death, this time you won’t be so lucky
Me:urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgg
I couldn’t talk because I was coughing up blood. The Cheif Bandit began to swipe his Dragon’s Tail at my neck, my time was up, I couldn’t possibly stop him from slitting my throat. I braced myself for death, and felt nothing, am I already in heaven?, did he miss?, did he even slash me yet? The strange thing is, I couldn’t feel any weight on me at all, so I figured I had died, I am sorry Sami, Cody and all of my other friends, I couldn’t make it. Goodbye, forever. But I looked up, this isn’t heaven, I am still on the boat! I’m still alive! I glanced over and saw the Cheif Bandit on the ground in pain. Then I looked over at Sami, who’s kage was cooling off. She had noticed me!
Me: Sami, you saw me
Sami: yeah, me and your friend Cody just finished with the guild members and decided to see how you were doing, when I noticed you were about to die, I saved you
Me: I’ve got to capitalize on this situation
Sami: do you want me to help
Me: no, this guy’s my rival and I can take him alone
Sami: ok, but first, HEAL!
Green flashes went around Sami, Cody and I. I felt rejuvinated, ready to kick some Cheif Bandit butt. He was getting up just as I threw a steely at him. It was right on target, his back.
Cheif Bandit: cler-
Before he could call his cleric, I shot anothet steely at him, but this time, he didn’t fall down, his eyes went completely white, and a lightning aura was shining around him, a fighter in his guild had given him rage! Plus he hasted himself and ran towards me and stabbed me several times with his Dragon’s Tail, it seemed like there would be endless pain, his power had skyrocketted becaused of the rage. But I just remembered that rage decreases your defense to up your offense, which means sinse his attacks are so strong, that his defense had hit rock bottom! So before he could attack me severely again, I used my shadow-claw booser combo and released hundreds of stars at him, just as I expected, he was in severe pain, and the rage had just ran out! This time I had him pinned.
Me: you know, there was a time in our last encounter where I had a chance to do away with you but I decided to spare you and call a hospital, and this is the thanks you give me, you come back and try to kill me again, I guess I made a mistake, I should never have let a shallow low life like you survive, now I’m going to make it up to myself by killing you now!
I took out a steely and was about to stab it into him.
Sami: mo, Jack, you even said you didn’t want to live with the guilt of a murder, you can’t do this you’re a good person, right
Sami’s words made me come to my senses, I relesed my pin on the Cheif Bandit.
Me: I’m going to let you live, because I’m not a low-life like you
Cheif Bandit: I wish I could give you the privalege of life just as you gave me, I told you you shouldn’t be so soft, your punishment for letting me live is death
He hasted himself and ran towards me with more speed than I’d seen anybody run before. I decided to try an dodge him, it worked, but his momentum carried him right off the boat, well he’s dead now, it’s not possible to survive a 10,000 meter drop.
Sami: well, you didn’t kill him
Cody: no, his own speed did
Sami: well, Jack, your greatest rival is gone, and our lives should sail pretty smoothly from now
We kissed for what seemed like hours but was probably only a few minutes
THE END???
okay! overall! it’s not bad! BUT, you have to give more detail and describe on your settings even more,
example! instead of saying “well he’s dead now, it’s not possible to survive a 10,000 meter drop.” You could have said “I heard the echos of his cry, he was falling lower and lower into the bottomless pit, he wouldn’t have survived that drop, he is – dead” or sumthing like that, it’s just, let the people imagine and see a picture, we call that word painting in music history, >_> but er, ya,
P.S.That is just a suggestion ^^
~ Looking forward to your next story~
– VanillaPocki –
WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NICE I LOVED IT thnx for writing quik so i cld read it
thnx =) try to take your time
~RC~