MapleSAP Special: Hackers
Part Zero: Hackers!

“.[cheezy 1950’s dramatic movie music]..Hackers are here! Hackers are everywhere! Beware the hackers!”

You hear about them on the smegas, the radio or TV…

“Hackers at 54th and Zeke, be sure to take a different route…”
“bus driver fled when hackers boarded the route 218 bus at 56th Ave and Chimmy St…”
“Hackers in the Ant Tunnel again…”
“Flying hackers spotted over Bukit Hills…”
“Avoid the Tripala Club tonight, hackers are there…”
“Hacker hacking outside of PErion…”
“…never approach a hacker; to be safe, keep at least a 35 foot distance away…”

We hear about their savage crimes…

“Deadly hacker attacked a spearman and delevelled his ass from 39 to 22…”
“..hacker set off a summonbag over the PQ area at Kerning, releasing a Crimson Balrog. The rog already killed at least 35 people in the first 10 seconds…”
“Serial killer hackers slaughtered people by the hundreds as they rampaged through Ellinia…”
“Hackers took over the training grounds, driving out all of the swordmen, magicians, archers and rogues…”
“…they used their hack powers and ripped their victims to shreds…”
“…these hackers hunted magicians for food to feed their offspring….giant kettle on the stove was used to boil the body parts….”

We hear detailed accounts of the damage done to the victims….

“After he was delevelled, medical examinations found decomposed tissue throughout her body including
brain tissue, muscle tissue, bone marrow…”
“…after she was hacked, the magician’s body lost control of its magic energy and she literally fried…”
“…scenes of goulish slaughter. body parts and blood are splattered everywhere as far as the eye can see…”
“…GMs confirmed reports of cannibalism….”
“…used its vac to crush the kids into a giant heap of flesh…”

Stories always come out scaring us of the long term effects hackers have on us…

“Hackium sickness is ten times more devastating than radiation sickness from other radioactive particles. Hair loss is almost instant, the victim spits and defecates blood, and eventually solids that were his or her organs…”
“As radiation ionizes and changes the atoms in the body, everything breaks apart, the DNA, the substances holding the cells, and eventually the cells will die and collapse like hollow egg shells. After exposure to hackium-314, the victim will have a week to live at most; every minute will be agony and pain as the body is reduced to liquid and powder…”
“Those who are delevelled can never recover. Scar tissue will heal over the injuries but will inhibit the regrowth of new tissue…”
“Hack positive cells containing the H4CK3R gene are aggressive if passed to a pureblood victim, will attack the pure cells. triggering a citokyne storm or simulated allergic reaction severe enough to kill the victim….”
“The symptoms of hackium sickness is a long and frightening one, and holds the same symptoms of gruesome diseases such as AIDS, Ebola, plague, cholera, typhoid, Alzheimer’s, multiple-sclerosis, dementia, ghonorea, H51N ‘Bird’ flu, SARS, anthrax, smallpox, Kawasaki Syndrome…”
“Hackium isotopes contain a special property: during the isotope’s half life of 160 years, the atom emits electrons and neutrons (after recieving them from another hackium isotope), and fires them into other atoms, changing them into hackium isotopes…”
“Once it’s in your body, hackium is in you for life,”
“People containing the gene H4CK1Q will suffer the sickness, but their body recovers and becomes a host to the hackium; adopting it as a necessary component, giving the person the hack powers. Every cell will have a magnetic field preventing hackium isotopes from damaging the body…”

We are well educated on how to identify hackers…

“Hackers’ skin is slightly pale in color and may have black spots or marks at random areas…”
“Hackium contaminated air carries a thick metallic stench; that is what hackers’ breath smells like…”
“Hacker blood is darker than red; almost black in color….”
“Hacker magicians are more liely to get angry than pureblood magicians, and always look like theyre on PCP or crystalcrap…”
“Most of the hackers are senile, psychotic, cold blooded and evil. Reports indicate cults that worship Zakum…”

The Big House tells us how to associate with this misunderstood group…

“Stay away…”
“…Stay away from hackers!”
“If you see a hacker or pick up any signs of suspicious activities or residues, call you local GM! This message brought to you by the Government of MapleWorld.”
“…If they appear nice, then they are decieving you. Do not approach them, get away and seek help!”

And of course, there is the special treatment for the lucky winners…

“It is essential that you excercise all precautions if you come face to face with a hacker. Don’t play dumb or try to be the hero. If you become infected with hack, you are good as screwed. If you don’t die from hack sickness,
you will be regarded as one of them, and lose all status as a citizen of this great country. The GM will hunt you down and show you no mercy…”

This is the kind of message we get from the government and media. Hackers are bad, dangerous, and must be avoided. Every year, the dangerous hackers kill at least 450,000 people, and injure up to 300,000 more, as explained by the Federal Statistics and Records Agency.
The 1981 kill hack massacre in Elinia convinces us, and so does the kill hack massacre that plagued Victoria in November 2006. However, other stat reports indicate that the annual number of victims is about 1/3 of what the FSRA tells us.
The 2006 HacknKill Report for Victoria is the end result of surveys taken everywhere in Victoria, including Kerning City, shows that for that year, only 23,000 people were killed; mostly in the November massacre. Beyoned the massacre, only 5000 purebloods, magicians, and noobs, even hackers too, were killed. When terrorists blew up the
Zhong-Naples oil and gas pipelines that ran through Kerning City’s Permanoob and Azn districts, over 3000 died, and thousands more were injured.
The HNK report revealed about 810 people in Kerning were injured by hackers.

Blueberry Records, the company that writes HNK Reports, has recieved awards and credentials, and has been recognized as the most accurate statistics keeping company in Victoria since the company released its first report in 1953.

But, if hackers are indeed so evil and a big threat to us all, where are the good guys?

“GMs are limited in manpower and resources to hunt down every hacker.”
“At the last election, the elected members of the Six co-presidents of MapleWorld cut funding to GMs and the MPC, further tightening the restraint on what they can do about Victoria’s hacker problem…”
“…the SEA Lands Territory won’t send some GMs to Victoria because they are always busy with hackers and other criminals…”
“Despite the Justice Arrow’s vow of hatred towards these hackers, their oath to eliminate them, they just sit on their asses or go turkey-shooting non violent hackers while the evil ones get away with everything!”
“…GM Harris, the chief commissioner of Victoria has announced a month long vaction for everyone. Today, they left Lith on the ferry for the beach resorts in Florina…”

Ohh, so THAT’s where they went. While the good guys are chilling, relaxing and taking their vaction at the public’s expense, and while the Justice Arrow continue to rule Hensys with an iron fist, the evil hackers are waging crime on all of us. The high levels cant help us, they are way too busy with more important things, such as training in Ossyria, or doing the Zakum PQ. We shouldn’t ask them for some of their time and aid.

As the media continues to bombard our minds with messages of fear and hate, and as killer hackers appear out of nowhere and kill us by the dozens, just what the hell are we supposed to do?
Get off the bus when a hacker gets on? Not let our kids go to the soccer game because there might be hacker kids on either team?
Let an injured hacker die on the street after he got hit by a car? Run like hell if a hacker comes up to one of us and asks for directions or just to say a hearty ‘hello’?
Shoot a hacker woman for assisting little Timmy after he got beat up?
Should we barricade ourselves in our homes just because there are hackers that live just like you and me?”
Just what the hell should we do?

We can start by shutting off the TV and block the smega feature on our messengers or phones, go outside, and talk to the hackers. All you need to do is say ‘Hi how are you?’ and strike up a conversation. He or she won’t suddenly lunge at you and chomp your neck, instead the hacker might converse with you in a normal way, just like our fellow purebloods.
Hackers are here and they are here to stay. We won’t improve our lives by waging war and hate on them, but we can start to improve ourselves by removing the barrier of hate and opening up to them.

So turn off your TV, close your newspaper and get out there. Take th 715 bus, it’ll take you to 7ung Hwang, the hacker capital of Victoria, and a whole new world will open up to you.
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Isotope: atom with different number of protons and neutrons than that fit the element’s atomic number and mass
*Isotopes are radiactive.
Half-Life: Time it takes for a radioactive isotope to decay (by losing protons or neutrons) and change into a stable non-radiactive element.
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I hope u like it. Im trying to add the irony in Michael Moore’s documentaries. (look up Sicko or Farenheight 9/11)