“I hate this city. Too many people; too many stuck up snobs, asholes, perfect people with talent and all their big groups of friends, show-offs,
rich people, morons and theres way too many idiots and morons who think they are way better than
you and they will never give up trying to rub it in your face. Then there’s the people at schoo, work, in the family;
anywhere that just want you to be their submissive bytch and they’ll do whatever they think its necessary to
make you their bytch, and if you stand up for yourself, you’re in for some pain.”

That’s what Randy Wolfboy thought as he sat on the hard seat in the back of the crowded bus. He sat there,
arms folded, listening to his walkman. The Slipknot song ‘F*** This World’ blasting on his headphones didn’t make him feel any better this morning.
He overslept, and missed the early bus. He had to wait for the next bus that would take him to the subway.
The subway train already stalled causing a 20 minute holdup, and there was a screaming baby on that train.
The stupid mother listening to her iPod had the volume too high, and she was just staring at one of those stupid
glamor magazines, totally ignoring the baby.
After he got off the train, and got on the next packed bus, the bus got caught in a traffic jam so bad it took a whole damn hour for the bus to move ten blocks and accross the bridge that went into downtown Kerning.
Randy wasn’t pissed; he already gave up trying to be on time for math class at Mountain Flowers College. He checked his watch; it was already 9:30am. Lucky if he doesnt miss the class.
Over the last year, Randy’s life was less than what he expected it to be; Last July, he moved out of his mom’s house and rented a room at a dorm in Coqton.
His stepdad chewed him out and tried hard to make him feel like he was just a dumbass and wouldn’t last a day on his own. He was mad Randy was going to live in Coqton which was really close to 7ung-Hwang. Randy hated his stepdad for that, and stopped talking to him permanently. His mom tried hard to get him to help his dad fix the kitchen floor, but he flat out refused. Fuqking moron would try hard to break his spirit and make him an obedient son who he could dominate.
After a month living in Coqton, Randy went to the Alice School where he took ‘Mandarin via Conversation’ program.
the people were nice, especially the SEA Landers in his class. Even though they were kid of exclusive to him, they were nicer than white people.
Then he did something really stupid after the first six weeks on his own: Some asshole gave him a pamphlet that advertised the volunteer work and benefits of participating in the Katimavik guild. It seemed everyone would talk about Katimavik and never shut up about it. They rambled on and on about the glory of participation and of how ‘perfect’ and ‘developed’ the alumini people were and how ‘Katimavik changed their lives”
Here’s what the hype was:
You work and live with other young people in a grouphome somewhere in MapleWorld for 9 months serving
a few communites you live in. If you finish that, you get a certificate of completion that makes high school graduation
seem like nothing. You also get letters of reference from the work places you go to, and a million mesos.
But the big reward was a written and signed permit to attend any of the four great academies in Victoria and get the first job advancement, something that is highly priviledged and only reserved for kids born and raised in the childrens’ reserves, not the city.
Of course Randy bought the bullshyt and went and signed up at the office in Downtown.
He moved out of the place he was living at and stayed at the student housing place downtown.
But the first day with the guild, everybody shut Randy out, and they were all snobs. Even after the first few weeks in the grouphome in Ludi things sucked. The guys were nicer to him, but they had their big talents like guitar or ego to attract the girls and they were always busy.
Because Randy had a disability called ‘autism’ which means he is somewhat ‘different’, and he had bad anxiety and low esteem thx to some other people he had to deal with before, he was scared of the other people in the home, especially when they were pissed.
They wrote him off as just some creep and pushed him away. When he was house manager for a week with this one girl that was insane; they overworked themselves in trying to impress everybody, and everyone snapped at them.
Randy hated being house manager after that. At his job, he couldn’t speak Dutch (the main language in Ludibrium),
he had to keep quiet while everybody talked around him.
The other groups in the Katimavik guild labelled him a creep no matter what, and he got really depressed.
Randy quit, and came back home. The ‘quitting’ destroyed him. Everyone pressures you to stay in the guild and to never quit. The MapleWorld Youth were also there and they kept preaching the same things.
Feeling like a failure, and totally depressed, Randy went back to his mom’s house. Even though he had a landscaping job with a nice boss, he was scared to go to work.
Randy hated the KAtimavik guild. They made him feel like a failure, and (especially the girls) made him feel like there will be no place for him among other people ever again. Everyone would look down on him as a creep and a loser.

But the young permanoob kept reaching out to people; he kept trying to say hi or make a conversation. Everyone just looked at him like ‘w.t.f.’ or [F6] when he waved or said ‘hi’ Their hostile reactions made him him think it was wrong to say hello. When it came to stuff at the community center near his house, Randy stopped going because all the people scared him; like they would be pissed if they really noticed him, or he was afraid at soccer he would bump into somebody and there would be a conflict which he was afraid he would always lose.

At Mountain Flowers College, where he’s taking math, science and english to upgrade his school credits, everyone’s a snob. MFC was located on the slope of North Swamp Mountain, where rich people lived.
People would babble to eachother about pointless crap or they would swoon over the group of hermits, mages, or spearmen who were taking classes. If you had no talent or nothing interesting on the mainstream category, you were pretty much shutup. All the people in his class were so silent, it was scary. No one talked! Not even if the teacher wasnt there! That’s how cold they were. In the anime club, he was silenced by all these loud mouthed guys who wore odd clothes or dried to dress up as Naruto, Kagashi, or Inuyasha or others who knew alot about anime. Obviously his 2 cents to say was nothing.

People in general are raised only to think about themselves. something went horribly wrong somewhere in parenting or media, or whatever and changed people from a friendly outlook towards others to a cold, hostile outlook.
There is a code of silence everywhere and that’s why ppl get weird or mad when you say hi. For sensitive, lonely people, this friggin sucks.

When it came to girls, Randy thought they were nobs. He didn’t run the word through his mind everytime he saw somebody, but he always feared they had a boyfriend or were married or already had their friends who would judge him on the spot. And that’s what he got when he did manage to talk to some of them at school:
“I have a boyfriend. He’s away till Friday,”
He had a girlfriend before, but the time they were together she was just ‘screening’ him. They didn’t get close to the point of arguing about things. Then she ditched without saying a word.

The walkman’s batteries died.
“Crap!” Randy swore under his breath. He pulled out the dead batteries and put them on the windowsill, and put new batteries in. Those didn’t work either.
Randy jammed the walkman into his backpack and looked out the window. The bus was still on the Bandit Ave. Bridge going over the Kerning River. He saw something out of the corner of his eye- it was the title of a book a girl was reading:
[PS- Your Cat is Dead]
Randy knew weird titles, so that didn’t bother him. Then he realized the girl reading the book was looking right at him.
Oh crap!
Randy quickly looked down at his bag, which was sitting on his lap, his anxiety shooting up. That girl’s boyfriend was sitting right next to her and he looked like a mean body builder. The bus moved forward another 6 feet before stopping again. It was a parking lot here. He checked his watch: 10am. The teacher was gonna be pissed. Randy never wanted to talk to her again after she chewed out the last late person, and that was brutal.
He dared to look at the girl again. He didn’t know why, and he cursed himself in his own mind for it.
The man had his eyes closed and was listening to his mp3 player. The girl looked at him and smiled.
Heart racing, Randy managed to wave to her. The other people, particularily this one stuck up snot next to her scowled at him.
“This is taking forever,” He heard the girl with the book say. He looked at her. she was talking to him.
“Yeah, it is. typical transit,”
“I’m so late for class!” she groaned.
“I missed my class” Randy replied, worried he was talking too loud. A few more people looked at him. His guilty conscience (or was it anxiety) screamed at him that he was in the wrong and that he should shut up.
“I should’ve stayed home today,” the girl said, as she took off her flop eared toque to scratch her hair. He was mesmerised by the girl’s long dark red hair. The guy standing next to him looked at him.
Why is talking such a crime!? Randy thought. This bus isn’t even moving anyway!
“Where you going?” she asked.
“Mountain Flowers,” Randy replied.
“Ohh. nice. I’m just going to high school,” she said. “Finishing my Grade 12.”
“Oh”
Randy had to get up and sit next to her so he could hear her. she had no problem with it, even though his heart was racing. Some other person took his old seat.
“M-My name’s Randy,”
“I’m Saria. Pleased to meet oy,” she said, shaking his hand. Her hands wer warm, he thought.
They talked about stuff, like school, traffic, girlfriends, boyfriends, that sort of thing.
When she got off the bus, Saria gave him her phone number and waved as she got off.
As soon as she was gone, Randy’s consience attacked him again and he felt guilty.
That inner voice which he hated so much said something like ‘Why are you talking to her? she has a life! she doesn’t need you! She is 18, you’re 21. There is an age difference! You trying to take advantage of her?! That is why older guys date younger girls! You want some one with lower esteem than you? That’s pathetic! You are creepy for touching her shoulder! That is why everybody ditched you at school! If you want to talk to a girl, it should be one with no weakness or unfulfilled needs at all, and she can make the choice to go out or hang out with you! There is no other right way!
Of course, they would be snobs then.
Randy countered the conscience with the thought, ‘Is wanting to be close to someone creepy? Is showing it creepy? She had no problem with it!’
The conscience responded and Randy felt more guilt pump into his arteries. You don’t do stuff like that!
‘Then I’ll forever be pushed away because if I try to do regular things people do like talking about stuff i know nothing about, I’m always gonna be pushed out!’
Stop complaining. Shut up and be happy with what you got! the conscience snapped. Those people at Katimavik showed you your place and you deserve it!
Randy clenched his fist. He never wanted to think about katimavik guild ever again. He hoped one of the vans they owned with that stupid orange logo painted on it would get T-boned by a garbage truck or something.
A tear came to his eye. That should be wrong- all the stuff those morons made him think. He only thought that way because he didn’t know better then. He’s heard people say the guild sucks ass and many drop out of it. But his conscience knows no peace.
The conscience made him think he should not talk to girls and just wait for one to come along, but of course, she would just pushe him away for a better guy. Randy stared at the little piece of paper with the phone number written on it.
Maybe it’s just a fake. They always do that. Some just say ‘Fuqk you!’ others just pretend to be interested.
He didn’t think much and put the paper in his wallet. He’ll try it when he gets home.
Maybe he doesn’t want a girlfriend, but just somebody to have a close bond with. Is it impossible for that these days?

The traffic started moving agai, and the bus’ engine’s roared. He sat back, and watched the streets, cars and buildings pass as the bus drove up the hill towards the school
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
yes this is about me and how i actually feel. i just had to vent it out and there was no paper.
Emo isnt it? LOL
jk im not emo