Hello again, boys and girls. It’s been a while since my last blog, and I assure you, I have absolutely no excuse. I suppose I should start with the assorted happenings of my Mapling career. Recently, me and a friend made new characters, his was an HP warrior (When you have everything else, why not?), and mine is… Well, mine is useless. At least I thought so.

So I was recruiting for Myrmidon (The guild I’m in, which has recently reached a new level of inactivity.) and somebody asks me why I’m holding a briefcase. Of course, I hate this question, which is why I don’t usually carry a briefcase. But this was a special occasion, I was on a pilgrimage. (See image 2)

Anyhow, I explained that my wizard had 26 str, because I originally intended to make a warrior, and then changed my mind. I’ve never been fond of redoing things, so I stuck to it. After that blip, somebody says that I should try the new “Free hair coupon thing” in Amoria. So I go there, discover that I need to get 25 squishy liquids, and, being a Lit mage, I get them in less than a minute. After getting the coupon, I decide to do it again for my mule to be safe. Never have I been happier to have a Minion. (See image 3) You, my friend, should get a mule. They work wonders.

Unless you want what’s possibly the most horrible hairstyle available in MapleStory, or if you have a VIP coupon to burn, don’t do that quest.

On my next mission, to get images of as many cheaters as possible, and do something constructive with them, I decided to try one of those Graham Cracker Pies. I was not dissapointed.

Here, for no reason whatsoever, is a list of fun things to do in MapleStory: (First things first: I am not responsible for any damages, psychological, or physical, caused by the reading of this text.)

-Tell people to do the hairstyle quest in Amoria. Any hair, after all, is better than “Noob Hair.”

-Get a person who’s in a guild with no emblem, and test his allegiance to his current guild. (You must be a Junior Master) Just tell him you’ll let him join your emblem guild for free. When he leaves his current guild, split.

-Hang out in Henesys Hunting ground, dressed in Noob attire. Oops, apparently, everybody else already does that.

-Offer your service as a bodyguard. When somebody accepts, follow them around killing everything that approaches. It’s quite easy if you’re a Lit wizard.

-Ask random people if they’ll marry you. (Not being serious, of course.) This is especially funny if you ask somebody of the same gender as you, because apparently, 7/10 will say yes. The other three will say mean things with alternate spelling, call you a noob, and defame you.

-Try to understand where everybody’s sense of humor is kept. Obviously not in MapleStory.

-Be smitten. It works well with the traditional lightning, but fire works as well. As an alternative, you can always smelt cats.

-Blasphemize. I heard that this works, too. Few things are funnier than hearing somebody preach Buddhism, Atheism, or anything else, in the free market, next to the guy that’s spouting bible verses. For added ammunition, keep an issue of Wired Magazine nearby for quotes supporting Atheism.

-Blackmail Hackers. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t get much better than that, especially with the wave of bannings that are showing up on those famous blue notices.

-Abuse the guild forums. You know them, you love them, they’re the guild BBS. If you’re a JM, you can do mean things, such as editing the Guild Master’s posts and whatnot. Or, when somebody says “Don’t”, and “Expel me”, in two different reply boxes, you can delete the word “Don’t”.