Hihi all! I just recently started to write so pls correct me if there’s a mistake. Enjoy!
P.S : pls tell me if u wanna be in the story or u can give me ideas for the story.Thx!
————————————————————————————————–
Ash was just killing a bunch of fire boars. He finished the last one and panted heavily.Ash was a lvl 29 rouge
(soon to be a sin) who loved to train at fire boars.He rested somewhere high and drank a white pot. He felt much better after then. He jumped down and continued to flick stars everywhere kill boars when a girl cleric came. She started to heal Ash. She then said “Hi Ash,long time no see.” Ash looked at her and said “Oh hi Whitney! Long time no see. Say, you’re higher lvl than me now! Last time i was higher than you! Where do u train?” She said “in ludi. U wanna go to ludi and train?” “Sure!”
They boarded the ship to Ossyria when balrogs came. Ash was unaware that a balrog was headed for him! Then Whitney blocked the balrog from hurting Ash by using her body as a shield to protect Ash. Ash turned and saw what the balrogs did to his friend. He was filled with anger! He rushed towards the balrog and started to hit it. He managed to kill the balrog (yeah i noe, u r thinking “how can a lvl 29 sin kill a balrog?” u’ll find out how he killed it in the next chappie!). Everyone watched in awe as Ash turned in a a Assassin! He was lvl 30 and he had turned into a sin! he quickly carried Whitney into his cabin and put her on his bed and called a priest to come and heal her.
After the priest healed her she woke up.Then they reached Ossyria. They went to the 4 Lords of Ossyria (if udont noe whats the 4 Lords of Ossy its the ppl that lets u go to 3rd job advance?) They went to the thief lord and asked him how he defeated the balrog. The thief lord said “Hmmm..lets see..whats your name?” Ash replied”My name is Ash.” “really? if your name is Ash, then u are the legendary thief that conquers all!” U wall find out more about this story is u keep readin the chapters! pls read1
Please spell properly and USE PARAGRAPHS! It eases eye pains after a story.
It’s a nice story though! And i think that you should use more description and build it up.
Eg. instead of “really?if your name is Ash,then u are the legendary thief that conquers all!”
Try, The thief lord gasped with shocked and whispered around the news.
Ash tried to pick up words as they murmured between themselves
“, too young, “
“, will die, “
“, powers overcome, “
Ash couldn’t bare this anymore. He felt that he was too young to die, too young to even be able to kill the balrog.
“Well,” Ash snapped out of dream and listened to the thief Lord, “You, my dear boy, are those that say will be able to conquer all the land. He is the one that will save the world, before it’s too late, ” The thief hang on and stared, hard. “Now you have to make a choice, “
Well. Thats just something really badly written >.> i mean my ‘story’
xx xBLiNG ♫
Ya, use paragraphs, not bad
O_O
ver fast-paced, maybe a lil 2 fast.
take som time to use some detail
wat bling sed^^
anyway overall great story=D
~Naoto-kun~
thx for all your ideas!i’ll try to make it more exciting.pls read the next chapter!^^
uhm, i didnt think it was too good because you moved way too fast and you had lots of spelling errors. I guess its pretty good for your first time so keep it up and good luck with your next chapters.