well im taking a break of AquaRoad so here’s my new story(btw if you havent seen the preview here link
When the littel boy came in,he said
boy:hello,my name is Kenji…
Girl:My name is Lucia(Lusheea)Who the heck are you?
Kenji:I suggest you be nice.I saved you.But how old are you?
Lucia:Im 11 years.
Kenji:so am i.so y were you in the snow?
Lucia:I guess i fainted.You see,i was trying to get to Twilight Town.Thats where my mom is.The cold must have got to my brain.
Kenji:lol yes well…u must be starving.Would you like some soup?
Lucia:No thankyou…well ok i am hungary
=========================================================================eating at the table==========
Lucia:i wonder how far i am from twilight town…
Kenji:Ummm lets see i have a map..brb
Lucia:Ok
As Lucia siped her soup,she thought“i hope mom and dad are ok.i just hope they havent died from the war yet”
Kenji:Ok im back with 2 maps and it says that Twighlight Town is to go East.
Lucia:um ok thanks.and thanks for your help.i guess ill be going now.
Kenji:Wait.You cant go alone.Ill come with you.
Lucia:No no no no no.I mean you couldnt,the trip is really dangerouse…
Kenji:Lucia,you will die out there alone.The snow will kill you.Look,the head magican put a dark spell on the storm.I know this because when he put the spell on the storm,i saw him doing it.
Lucia:So how will you help me?Your might die out there too.Plus i have this.
Lucia held up her dark dragon sword and her red eyed dragon sheild.
Kenji:Nice.but I have these.
Kenji went to a glass case and unlocked it.He then grabed a silver glass Tiger staff and a glass mystic sheild.
Lucia:Your a…a…
Kenji:Wizard/Sorceress yea.And you…you chose the path of a very strong Warrior.
Lucia:So…lets pack up and get a move on then.
thats the end of part 1 of my story.if you think is bad,plz feel free to give me any ideas tyvm
♥ sushi ♥
A bit too short. This is a script right, not a story.
im not sure and sry its to short and if you want it to be a story let it be a story.if you want it to be a script then well let it be a script
♥ sushi ♥
Oh, and it’s a bit unrealistic. Like giving her name immediately. Mainly: i hope mom and dad are ok.i just hope they havent died from the war yet.
It would be something like. I hope Mom and Dad are fine, they were very brave to go to war. No, I’m sure they will be fine!
Your line seems very weird as the person hopes that her parents haven’t died yet which means that she assumes they will die in the war some way or another will makes her very unfeeling and makes her quite sadistic.
Grammer! XD
Well, I have good news and bad news.
Good news: It’s not bad
Bad news: It’s not good
since you said
Your story contains no action/emotions. read this. link that’s probably my most emotive/active writing.
You said Kenji:Ummm lets see i have a map, brb
Using the term BRB is not good in stories, for it doesn’t show you have any respect in the reader at all. BRB is only for this lazy authors, you see in many books (apart from baby books) they all use creative writing. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but sometimes, involve just A LITTLE one or 2 swearing to capture the audience’s intrest. Spend more time. More time means more effort put in. More effort means more praises.
Kenji:Wizard/Sorceress yea.And you, you chose the path of a very strong Warrior.
That’s like something the head would say, the leader would say, why this is a little boy. A 11 YEAR OLD boy. As far as I’m concerned, I honestly don’t think these 2 main characters should be only 11 years old, although the age of characters IS your choice.
Also
Kenji:Wait.You cant go alone.Ill come with you. and Lucia:Ok
these and everything else probably have no emotions in this. If you choose to write script form. may i show you something. Jesusfreak, A wonderful writer writes like that, but not like that. lol. It may be confusing but since he has deleted his stories, they use to have 60 something likes!
he would probably write it like this
Kenji: [scared but with a determined look] Wait. . . I’ll come with you! I won’t allow you to go alone!
and
Lucia: [smiles] okay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Writing in script form is actually easier, but cannot garantee the satisfaction of your reader.
@angelwitwing: That’s not the best example either, the link you posted. I personally wouldn’t give it the time of the day.
And yes, I’m mean. This is not a flame either, just my opinion.
‘Script forms’ are hard to be expressive in. Unless you insert chunks of description and narration in between the lines, and GOOD descriptions and narrations at that. Not just ‘He took the kinfe and poked the slime.’ The dialogue must also be as engaging as any dialogue in a novel or short story; humor, angst, things to make you think. If you are lazy to even write it out in proper prose form, at least make your story interesting! And readable. Netspeak pretty much spoils the flow.
Read a movie script or something to understand. Here’s one example: link V for Vendetta rules. 😀
And it’s spelt ‘Forbidden’. Or ‘Forbade’.
Me thinks there should be a guide or something. ‘Guide to Lazy Writing’ aka ‘What to do to Salvage the Script Form’.
@silverFx: i know. lol, but i can garantee it’s better than what’s given right now.
It should be spelled “Forbade” or “Forbidden”.
I really need to stop double posting, but:
If this is going to be a movie, at least include some ACTIONS PL0X.
And, Ganzicus, it’s spelled “grammar”.
Yes, hard to believe, BUT IT’S FRIGGIN TRUE! And, don’t use the word “grammar” to describe any old error in the english language. Unless it’s a grammatical mistake, use “vocabulary” of “English errors”.
I need to bring back my rant from June. The one I deleted because everyone kept saying it was spelled “grammer”.
um ok ty for the advice i need to get back to reading them now, um ok
♥ sushi ♥
Good news: It’s not bad
Bad news: It’s not good
since you said
Your story contains no action/emotions. read this. link that’s probably my most emotive/active writing.
You said Kenji:Ummm lets see i have a map, brb
Using the term BRB is not good in stories, for it doesn’t show you have any respect in the reader at all. BRB is only for this lazy authors, you see in many books (apart from baby books) they all use creative writing. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but sometimes, involve just A LITTLE one or 2 swearing to capture the audience’s intrest. Spend more time. More time means more effort put in. More effort means more praises.
Kenji:Wizard/Sorceress yea.And you, you chose the path of a very strong Warrior.
That’s like something the head would say, the leader would say, why this is a little boy. A 11 YEAR OLD boy. As far as I’m concerned, I honestly don’t think these 2 main characters should be only 11 years old, although the age of characters IS your choice.
Also
Kenji:Wait.You cant go alone.Ill come with you. and Lucia:Ok
these and everything else probably have no emotions in this. If you choose to write script form. may i show you something. Jesusfreak, A wonderful writer writes like that, but not like that. lol. It may be confusing but since he has deleted his stories, they use to have 60 something likes!
he would probably write it like this
Kenji: [scared but with a determined look] Wait. . . I’ll come with you! I won’t allow you to go alone!
and
Lucia: [smiles] okay.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Writing in script form is actually easier, but cannot garantee the satisfaction of your reader.
“
omg r u saying im lazy?i atleast i give the time to make the stories