Unbreakable love Intro

My new story btw my name is Neo am a archer
Here it goes

Il always protect you Cindy you know i will. A long sign left my mouth as the sun got up. I was staring at the sea and i saw my own reflection in it with her standing next to me. I decided to no longer waste my time watching my own shade i left Florina and buyed myself some food. Henersys hasn’t changed a bit since i left a short while ago.
Cindy was the one i love. Her blue hair and her slightly red cheeks always made her special. She was someone you can laugh with who cheers you up. Looking like she never had a bad mood. But she left to go to Orbis. I wanted to go there and hear her soft voice ones more. But i wasn’t strong enough. i laid down in the grass watching noobs kill green mushrooms. the wind blowed into my hair trees bended and i stood up. I had to focus my mind i needed to train and catch up with my buddy Traus he was 2 lvls ahead of me. I was fighting green mushrooms like the where balrogs. I killed them with no sorrow. Noobs looked with big eye as i killed every monster i saw. As the wind got stronger my eyes closed and i heard a voice inside me say. Why did she leave you. I sat down a bench and saw monsters pop up again. I ate my food and left training i wasn’t in the mood to fight.

My buddy communicator popped up it was Traus
“Hey I lvled again how about you,” “I am still same lvl not bored to train.” “Hey if you still miss Cindy lets go to Orbis together.” How did he know i missed her? Anger filled my body as i cut of my communicator this was my business not his. It started to rain but i did not care i did not care about anything but her. I got back home ate food and got to bed. My head was nearly exploding it wasn’t even evening but i felt like i had not slept for days.

The sun rays woke me up as i looked through the window. People where playing outside the didn’t have to live like me the had there loved ones. I putted on my sauna robe as i washed my hair. Before i met her i always thought there was more in live then training. Now i thought the same only vice versa. I started killing slimes cause the where jumping in front of my house. As i looked up i saw the sun he never stopped shining how good or bad days where. I had to do the same i had to forget about Cindy. I wish that wasn’t so hard but it was.

I started training like hell i wanted to beat Traus hoping to feel better. Dead zombie mushrooms where flying everywhere as i killed them. Here in the dungeon there was no light no hope no love. I felt more confort here
“Heeeeeelp!” a girl shouted. I ran towarts her as i saw zombie mushmom and her mushrooms trapping her
“Il save you dont worry.” My chances where slim but i had to try it. I fired arrows at them and after a few min only mushmom remain. It did an earthquake i could not avoid i fell hard on the ground and my bow fell even further.
Suddenly i heard a bang and mushmom fell to. The girl i tried to save used her holy arrow to hit zombie mushmom.
“Thanks for the help il be in your depths.” She gave me a small kiss and used a return scroll then it was silent again.
She looked just like Cindy same hair same armor but she did not feel like her. Thinking of her i had made my point i was going to Orbis tomorrow i was going to find her whatever the cost.

As it was morning i saw my clock it was 5min before the boat left
I rushed to get there i payed the taxi double to speed up and i buyed a ticket in record time.
Just seconds after i boarded the boat left i was lucky for now.

The trip was everlasting there were a few people on board. A sin a bowmen and 2 mages talking to each other. I decided not to bother them with my story’s so i looked outside the window. It was raining again this time it looked like something bad was going to happen. But it never came the boat horn was heard and i left the boat.

I had no idea where to look for her. And i was completely lost then i saw the same girl i saved from the mushroom what was she doing here? She said hello and showed me a map of Orbis. Take it and hold it it wil be useful around here. I got to an inn payed 10000 mesos and got to bed and i started studying the map. As i was reading a small note fell out of the map. I picked up and read it

Dear Neo
Tnx for saving me at zombie mushrooms.
I heard from your friend what your looking.
And i can help you find her.
Meet me at Orbis tower 10 AM tomorrow.

What did she know. I argued about it until i fell asleep. The next day was better the sun was up again and there was no cloud in the air. When i arrived i saw the girl standing there; as she saw me she came walking toward me.
“Hey Neo.” “Hey uuh whats your name anyway?” “Call me shiny.” As we talked about Cindy my relation with her grew. I sone noticed she had blue hair to. She also laughed alot. Then i asked. “How do you know her?” A short silence and then. “Am her sister.”

To Be Continued
PS: am dutch dont be to hard on my gamma

9 thoughts on “Unbreakable love Intro”

  1. Tnx mip for the gamma checker i hope my story will be a bit beter readed now 😛

  2. Hmm, grammar, it is. Lemme see, the overall idea is good, but the grammar needs alot of work.

    Remember, always capitalize yours ‘I’ when speaking about yourself, and use brackets like these “” when you’re having a character speak.

    Example:
    ‘i said sadly please show me the way’
    ‘I said sadly, “Please show me the way.”‘

    Get it? Also, don’t forget, you can’t use ‘and’ or ‘because’ as the first word for a new sentence.

    So, let’s take one paragraph and break down what I’ve said.

    ‘What did she know. I argued about it until i fell asleep. The next day was beter the sun was up again and there was no cloud in the air. When i arrived i saw the girl standing there as she saw me she came walking towarts me.
    Hey Neo. Hey uuh whats your name anyway. Call me shiny. As we talked about Cindy my relation with her grew then i asked. How do you know her? A short silence and then. Am her sister.’

    The way it should be written:
    ‘What did she know. I argued about it until I fell asleep. The next day was better, the sun was up again and there were no clouds in the sky. When I arrived I saw the girl standing there; (<– That thing is like, a period and a comma all rolled into one. Very useful) as she saw me, she came walking toward me. (Remember at this part, always stay in past tense! You keep flip-flopping back and forth between past and present. Past is like using words like ‘was’ ‘has’ ‘walked’, present is ‘is’ ‘have’ ‘walk’. See?)
    (This is the part where it all gets jumbled because you need to use speaking brackets. “”) “Hey Neo.””Hey, uhh, what’s your name anyway? (<– Question = Question Mark. xD)”Call me Shiny” (Names are always capitalized) As we talked about Cindy, my relationship with her grew. Then I asked, “How do you know her?” A short silence and then, “I am her sister.”

    See? ^_^ Easy as pie! Just takes a bit more practice.
    (P.S: For all those who want to flame me, like, take it easy. I personally got a PM asking me to comment on it. xD)

    ~Mip

  3. rofl thats alot of texture xD il try to add that but cheezz your good are you english teacher orso O.O

  4. Ik vind dat je inderdaad ietsjes beter op je grammatica en zins opbouw moet letten. Je moet vaker punten zetten, want je maakt soms 2 zinnen aand elkaar vast. Verder is het wel goed

    The trip was everlasting there where a few people onboard = The trip was everlasting. There were only a few people on board

  5. jaja diefje alsof jij het beter kan xD en btw marnix zit ook waar ik woon maar na mijn mening this een kut school

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