Because I gottsa story to share with youz young’ins tonight! Grab your ejac–woops wrong place for that. Grab yer sticks (woody–err wooden ones~like twigs) and put on a marshmallow while I tell you the story of Cheezy and the Shoopuff Gang!

Seriously now, that’s not the name of the story. Shoopuff is just a funny word. xD
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Ok now, am I really writing a story? Sure I am! There’s nothing wrong with that! I just decided it might be a nice thing to do for you guys between comics. I can’t keep you waiting for such awesome works of art such as mine! It’s inhumane and very cruel! Like… putting a live shrimp in a jar of pickles.

Ok, so how can I make this MMO-related? I’ll put the setting in… MapleLand or w/e. That way I won’t get smigglehoarfed at for having a non-MMO-related blog.
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Now prepare yourself… for a bunch of punctuation mistakes! I tried to be good with grammar, but there might be a lot of misplace commas, semicolons, colons, and dashes. Well, I try to stay away from dashes because you can only make two hyphens and that’s pretty stupid.

Our story begins in… MapleLand. Blegh. xP

The children play, the squirrels taunt others with there squirrelish ways, and robotic samurai falcons swoop from the air and blow up the squirrels with missiles that resemble a shark. Yah… that would be awesome.

We join this most wonderous, and slightly demonic, of days with our main character (for now~maybe not forever~don’t count on it), James Westfield. He is an average boy; not being too smart and not being too well… I guess he’s pretty dumb. It may be harsh, but he’s my story character and you can’t do anything about it! I’m running the show here, you can just piff off. Well actually, stick around for the remainder of the story and say you liked the blog. Then you can piff off.

These introductory paragraphs are getting boring. Let’s go to dialogue made by the characters…

James: Awww, today is such a good day. The birds are singing, the squirrels are… dead, and the robotic samurai falcons are terrorizing the local school kids while they’re playing outside at recess. I even think the Sun winked at me!

Sun: Why hello thar, James. I’ve been watching you lately. You make this old star feel pretty hot.

James: I’ll take that as a compliment and not a totally perverted statement! Thank you Mr. Sun!

Sun: Do you mind doing a little sexy dance for me, James? Perhaps take off your shirt and rub some sort of lubricant all over your body.

James: I’m pressing sexual assault charges on you! =D

Sun: You fail to realize that I can totally kick your planet out of orbit and create all kinds of global problems. Now do as I say and put the lotion on the skin!

*Max enters the scence and audience applauds madly.*

Max: what? Is there even an audience to this crap? Honestly! Who would be reading this?!

Cheezy: *raises hand* I’ve been reading it. I’d say it’s pretty good! 😀

Max: You idiot. You can’t put yourself in your own story to make it look good!

Cheezy: If you want, I can totally boot you out of here, Maxwell Veggie!

Max: I can’t go back to my job of cleaning the urinals! Fine… I’ll be nice.

Cheezy: You have to apologize to me first. And kiss my feet while you’re at it.

*Aliyah appears from behind with a rubber chicken. She smacks Cheezy unconscious then spits on his body*

Max: You saved me Aliyah! How can I ever repay you?

Aliyah: By making love to me! Right here in public so everyone can see!

James: Has everyone forgotten that I’m being sexually solicited here? The sun’s trying to rape me! D:

Max: Baaah! You’re just trying to get attention! Just let the adults… do business and get hay out of the way!

Sun: Yah little boy. Can’t you see they got important business to attend to? I’m done with you. I’ve found a new feddish and it doesn’t involve little children anymore!
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We interrupt this excellent (and may I add well-written, awesome, spectacular, spiffy, good, worthy of the Gods themselves) story for this important advertisement!

Ice Cream: I get hot when it’s… hot out. I feel that everytime I go outside, I melt away into a delicious puddle of sugary, sweet me! It may be good for stray dogs that like to lick puddles of questionable goop, but I for one don’t like it one bit. Isn’t there something to prevent me from melting?

Sun: Why yes thar is, little boy!

Ice Cream: I’m not a little boy! =D

Sun: That is beside the point. I too suffer the same problem of feeling hot when the sun is bright.

Ice Cream: But you are the sun! :O

Sun: That is also beside the point! I present to you… “Anti-Hotness of the Hot Sun Preventing Cold Cube”!

Ice Cream: It looks like just an icecube! ;U

Sun: It’s not just an icecube; it’s an “Anti-Hotness of the Hot Sun Preventing Cold Cube”!
You just get some tape, and stick this to your head! That way, no matter how hot the sun is, you will stay cold and pure!

Ice Cream: ZOMG! This is the best invention since “Cheezy’s Guide To Writing Awesome Stories But Sure Not As Awesome As The Ones I Write”.

*Ice cream tapes the “Anti-Hotness of the Hot Sun Preventing Cold Cube” to his head and steps outside*

Ice Cream: ZOMG! I’m melting! This product does nothing to prevent me from melting! I’m melting~I’m melting… help me… meeyahblargh… *dead*

Sun: Woops! I guess that Ice Cream turned me on so much that I became too hot for the “Anti-Hotness of the Hot Sun Preventing Cold Cube” to prevent his death! Now to enjoy his remains!

*random dog comes up and starts licking puddle of melted ice cream*

Sun: Hey dog! This is my melted customer to enjoy!

Dog: I saw it first bub. I suggest you get your fancy rear outta here or I’ll have to go “Ninja Attack Dog” style all over your shiny patookus!

*Grumbo the Man-Eating bear jumps out from a bush and cuts the dog’s head off*

Sun: Hey there, little bear! Why don’t you come over here so I can thank you properly for saving me from that dog…

[Lol. There and Bear rhyme.]
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We know return to our regularly sheduled presentation.

Max:… And that’s what we mean when we say “The Birds and the Bees”.

James: I have heard unspeakable things over that commercial. D:

*Cheezy wakes up*

Cheezy: Hey! I just remembered that I have a duty to torture Aliyah and inflict many forms of torture onto her and mutilate her body in any way possible!

*Takes out chainsaw bazooka (with a sticker on it of an evil pumpkin)*

*Aliyah smacks Cheezy with a brick and throws his body in a ravine*

Aliyah: I put some pirahnas in the ravine and filled it with molten lava. I don’t think we’ll have to bother with him anymore.

James: I have also seen unspeakable things! My fragile little mind has been warped in so many ways! I don’t think I’ll ever grow up to be normal! =D

Max: Let’s face it, kid. Most of us aren’t normal. Hahahahaha!

Sun: Was that an attempt to be funny? I can’t even consider that an attempt at all! You failed miserabely!

Max: Let’s see you say that again when you’re staring down the barrel of my “Chicken Noodle Soup” rifle.

Sun: No need to be hasty, little boy! We can settle this: Celestial object to Slightly Disturbed Child!

Max: Yah, that’s what I thought. They all back down when I bring this baby out. Wa-woops…!

*drops gun and fires at James*

James: ZOMG!!!!1eleven!!1 IT’S IN MY FACE! IT’S LIKE I WAS SMACKED WITH A FLAMING WAFFLE IRON AND A KITTEN CLAWED UP MY FACE AND A JAPANESE PROSTITUTE PUT SALT IN THE WOUNDS AND A GIANT LEMON GAVE ME A SLOPPY KISS TO MAKE THINGS BETTER BUT IT ONLY WORSENED THE PAIN AND THEN A DRUNKEN HOBO SMASHED A BOTTLE OF VODKA ON MY NOSE!!!

Max: Calm down… It was only a squirt gun filled with grape juice.

James: Oh… oh, you’re right. But… ZOMG THE GRAPE JUICE IS SO STICKY AND IT’S GOING TO STAIN MY PERFECTLY CLEAN WHITE SHIRT AND MY MAMA’S GOING TO PUNISH ME BY STRIKING ME IN THE BACK WITH A STEEL WHIP AND THEN SLATHER ME IN WHIPPED CREAM MIXED WITH A TROPICAL FRUIT DRINK!!

Aliyah: You got serious issues, little boy.

James: Why does everyone keep calling me “little boy”?! I am fricking 18 years old!

Dog (from commercial that’s been decapitated): Well, you sure don’t act like you’re 18!

*Max, Aliyah, Sun, and Decapitated Dog all join in on a good laugh at James*

James: Why are you people laughing at me?! That’s not even funny! You’re all lunatics and meanie-faces! D:

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And that concludes this most wonderous of occasions. I know it is a shame that the story ends, but all good things must come…to an end. I will fa surely write more. I had fun writing this. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it. See ya on the flipside homeslices.

~Cheezy