Midnight Chronicles ch 1

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Here’s the fanfic i’ve been writing, hope you like it

Midnight Chronicles: Chapter one
The curse
“…we only found 4 survivors. All of them are in the hospital wing.” Finished Ice as he laid the report on Chief Celiana’s desk. She stared at the papers a moment before looking up at him and asking “You said something about a curse. What do you mean?” Ice looked away, finally he replied softly “The balrog cursed us humans. It explains in the report.” He said pointing at the papers. Celiana looked from Ice to the papers and back to Ice.” You may leave now.” She said shortly. Ice hurried out of the room, and Celiana started reading.

Ice’s Report
On the morning of December 25th at 10:00 A.M. a crimson balrog appeared at orbis, Ossria. The balrog used black lightning to kill all the civilians around it, and proceeded to throw dark balls at the other people. By then 2 squads of Maple Police were there trying to subdue the monster. After killing most people, Darkinessa and I arrived and we wounded the monster. Before it died it shouted this warning,” Darkness will cover the land and all humans will die unless the 4 heroes of maple combine their powers to save you! Die in darkness, Human pests!!” then it laughed and died. We searched the area but found only 4 survivors. That is my report for this incident.

Yours faithfully,
Ice
Captain

List of survivors:
1.) 16 years of age. Weapon: Evil Wings. Light gold hair with brown highlights. Female.
2.) 18 years of age. Weapon: bow of magical destruction. Black, short hair. Male
3.) 14 years of age. Weapon: Maple SoulSinger. Long black hair with gold highlights. Female
4.) 16 years of age. Weapon: reef claw and tobi throwing stars. Short brown hair with black streaks. Male

End of report.

Celiana’s eye twitched. We’re all dead, She thought.

This is my first real fanfic, sorry if it sucks.

8 thoughts on “Midnight Chronicles ch 1”

  1. Uh, might be better if you lengthened it. Also, can you add a bit more description on the survivors such as Names, Armor, Levels, eye color, etc. However, looks as if there might be a nice plotline!

  3. Short, some capitalization issues, I like the informal intro to the characters. I might steal that idea.

  4. @ ipod I’m gonna describe the charactors in the next chaptors. The ones like Celiana arent main charactors anyway.
    Yay 1 like

  5. Also, substitute the word ‘sucks’ for ‘sux0rz’. It is the more professional and formal way.

  6. FunnyFroggy said: “Also, substitute the word ‘sucks’ for ‘sux0rz’. It is the more professional and formal way. “

    FF is a bloody twit don’t listen to him

  7. Before it died it died it shouted this warning,” Darkness will cover the land and all humans will die unless the 4 heroes of maple combine their powers to save you! Die in darkness, Human pests!” then it laughed and died.

    *wince*

    [edit – for clarifications, I guess]
    Firstly, there’s a typo with the repeated ‘it died’. At least, I hope it’s a typo. Nothing wrong with typos, just gotta be careful with them.
    Secondly, this is a really stupid Balrog. >>; ‘Y’know what? I’m gonna make y’all die a horrible death, but I will be so kind as to give y’all a way to escape this horrible death!’
    Thirdly, I cringed reading it. >< I’m sorry, it’s cheesy. Though I think there is no lack of cheesiness in the grand proclamations of evil people, but there should be a way to alleviate this. Maybe, y’know, don’t make it so much like a death-bed announcement.

    But doesn’t mean it’s all bad. Keep working on it.

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