Boing boing . Boing . the sound of those hateful zombie mushrooms echoes throughout the room as they attempt to trample me. The only light that pierces the dark and gloomy room is that of my golden mole, radiating its power and smashing zombie mushrooms into tiny bits. The dents in my special forces black jangoon armor reflects how long Ive been smashing these pasty white oversized marshmallows. I can slowly feel my strength ebbing away with every zombie I smash and with every swing of my mighty weapon. All of a sudden the Golden Mole drops to the ground making a loud clattering sound as if symbolizing how my life was dropping into the deadly abyss that is death. While my mind is willing to continue my body simply could not go on anymore, Slowly the darkness creeping slowly into my vison overwhelms me and with one last hateful boing I dropped unconscious with the feeling of the soft pasty flesh of the zombie mushrooms covering my face, slowly but surely starting to turn me into a zombie.
So guys, whadya think? I wrote this up since I had nothing to do and depending on the comments might turn this into a real story. I apologize for all grammer, puncuation, and mistakes in general that I made since I dont really care for those little mistakes that wont wreck the story. (Tell me if I made a major mistake though.) Though comments and criticism is appreciated. TY!
What type should I list it by too? General?
Improve the length and grammar. That’s all I can say
Anything else?
You know. You have a real talent. After I quick glance at your blog, I thought this would be just another typical n00bish fic, but it’s actually quite good. You should work on improving your little grammatical errors, expanding the story, etc. Detail is good so far, but we could always use more.
If you can work harder on overall presentation, this could be a pretty nice hit.
I have a story with the same title.
Nice try, too bad.
change the title
it’s good writing!
just make it like 2+ pages
because usually ppl have at least one page in a chapter
this could blossom into a great story just spend some more time on the length
~LaZzz. . .
Longer pl0x ^^
Wayyy to short and the grammar needs improvement. Other than that I liked it, even though I normally expect a prologue to give insight on the plot, or setting or, characters, or any combination. Look forward to seeing more.
llolol blow
/immature
/immature”
Don’t forget the first three words of the chapter, “Boing boing . Boing . “