Other than the grammar errors and the unexplained transition from what seemed like it was going to be an actual story to something that has too much to do with the actual game (look at Lil’s stories, they have to do with the game but don’t go so far as to say “So-and-so has joined the party). You have some potential, but at least try to make the story flow together.
Other than the grammar errors and the unexplained transition from what seemed like it was going to be an actual story to something that has too much to do with the actual game (look at Lil’s stories, they have to do with the game but don’t go so far as to say “So-and-so has joined the party). You have some potential, but at least try to make the story flow together.