Weehomar!
“EY, WHATS BEEN GOIN’ ON IN HERE?!” Lavi shouted out at me.
“Nothing, nothing!” I cried back.
“Nothing happened yet the temple is crumbling? Don’t be stupid. I heard those explosions.” Lena said, sternly. “Look! Your arm’s singed!”
I looked down at an angry red burn shining through a hole in my robes.
“Woops” I said, grinning.
“Aww, c’mon now. You could at least let us in on some of the action” Lavi said, pouting. “It’s like I got this hammer for nothing!”
“Ohhh.. I don’t know… I could care less if my hands got dirty.” Cassie remarked.
“You don’t even fight directly” Lavi retorted. (With a >.>/f3 face)
“T’cha!”, Lena tisked, as she healed my burn.
“So what exactly happened in here?” Lavi asked.
“This.” I replied, handing him the gloves.
“Fancy. Lots of designs on them. Wonder what they’re for?” said Lavi.
“Uhh….” I mumbled. “Looked like the owner was fighting with these instead of a staff or wand, channeling fire magic through them?”
“Ooooh! That’s hot!” Lavi cried out.
I reached over and slapped him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Cassie)
“So then, what happened to the orb that we were sent to get?” I said.
“Right. About that… The guy blew it up.” Rei told me, grinning sheepishly.
“UGH! First mission failed in 7 years!” I groaned, shooting him an icy glare.
“Relax, Cass. I fail every other mission” Lavi said, leaning against my side.
“That’s because you smash everything.” I pointed out.
“HEY! C’mon, I left that mountain untouched, right?” He replied.
I smiled and pushed him away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Lavi)
I rolled away. Stopping myself my planting my hand on the floor.
The floor sunk away under my hand, and I followed suit, into darkness.
“Holy **** !” I cried out
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Rei)
“LAVI!” I yelled, while making an arrow for light, and jumped down after him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Lena)
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING!” I cried out to Rei, jumping down after him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Cassandra)
*Sigh*
“Ah well, better go check up on the kiddos.” I said to no-one in particular, leaping nimbly down into darkness.
The only suggestion I have is to not switch views so often, because the effect isn’t as good with more peoples’ “points”
“
Quite confusing. It took me a few moments to compute what was actually happening. I agree with ShiningWings. I think that you either stick with only one person or just use third person POVs.
The dialogues need a kind of a break inbetween them, and spacing just won’t do it.
Or that’s how I feel.
Of course dialogue needs space, but if you switch too often – as in every line or two – your reader will lose interest because it might become confusing for them.