Looking for a tale of action? Adventure? Exploration of mysterious lands? Want somebody to make fun of? Like purple hair? What’re you waiting for! Surely, you cannot pass up an opportunity to read of the tales of the wondrous Erk! Or maybe you could. I don’t know, I don’t think I know you that well, whoever you are. But I digress. Read and enjoy this tale as I recall it from the depths of his mind. (And you will enjoy it, right? Thought so.

It started out of sheer boredom. “Why not take a trip around the world?” the purple-haired magician thought to himself, strolling around the too-familiar city of Flarine. (Or Flaris. I can never decide which one it is.) Erk stepped over to the Flarine Station, as his unthrifty, money-burns-a-hole-in-my-pocket self decided he needed a better broom. Shelling out the penya, he took to the skies, vowing he’d not return until he saw every sight Madrigal had to offer. His first stop? Why, Saintmorning of course!

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Flying across the sea of clouds is always fun. That only lasts so long before one goes insane. Luckily, I got to shout “land, ho” in no time. I’ve always wanted to use that line. I even got a picture from my… uhh…. private cameraman. Yeah. That’s how that works. It’s kinda like the Lakitu in Super Mario 64. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go buy an N64. Anyway, because of my severe incompetence in all areas of MMOism, I didn’t take the picture quite early enough, but didn’t realize this, and am too lazy to correct it. Squint at the picture and act like I took it in time.
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Right? Right. After cruising the skies, swooping low near the buildings, lagging massively from the town square, and laughing at the newbies who can’t fly yet, and don’t have enough money to blinkwing back, I headed for the arena. It was fascinating for me seeing these people gather for this reason. I’ve never dueled anyone, so I simply watched in amazement. I watched as people were slaughtered by a lone fighter, then screamed in agony on the ground something in another language. Something like “RESSU! RES! RES PL0X! PL0X OH PL0X RESSU! RESSSSSSSSUUUUUU!” I moved on, confounded by the lack of coherency in the people.
Upon the way, I found entertainment briefly in a moronic joke which only fans of the game Tales of Symphonia will understand. I took a picture.
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Aaaaaanyway, after resting up in Symphonia (the name of the tree, for those unfamiliar with the joke. No idea what it is in the game, but I now call it Symphonia. Don’t like it? Deal with it.) I headed to the oddly named… well, maybe I better just show the picture.

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Heading off from there, I came to a place where a large mountain was, and flying was disallowed. Abusing my amazing jumping capabilities, I jumped up the mountain (yeah, it’s possible. Hold jump and forward.) And what was up there? It astounded me nobody had said something before! It was spectacular!

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I left there and headed for the Garden of Rhisis. I must now break the fourth wall and become possessed by the author. *strange noises occur and whatever funky lighting and levitation effects you think of for possession occur.* I only give the people what they want. I did all this to tell you that I had to eventually turn the speakers off, because the music here made me want to kill myself. Seriously, I had already started trying to saw my wrist off with a quarter. It was bad. *unpossession sounds occur.* That wasn’t generic. Anyway, I then met a dwarf named Bowler, who I then warned of the impending doom.

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I headed away from the Garden and onto my final stops, the Darkon continents. Onwards to bigger things, and even the legendary Sages! All this and more in Part II of this series!

Stepping away from all the hype, I can’t say for sure when Part II will come, since this was delayed for weeks. I can guarantee, though, that you will try to kill yourself if you listen to the Garden’s music too long. I can also guarantee you that Darkon is the most spectacular place in the game, and the Temple is amazing, as you’ll see. So long, and leave your comments!