Dont force me. I dont want to kill you Jake said seriously
HAHA, you mean you CANT kill me The stranger said in a challenging voice. I could see Jakes eye filled with anger. He teleported up a tree, then I lost sight of him. Sudden he appeared in front of this stranger and aimed a sort of transparent arrow, then teleported to the back on the stranger watching the arrow flow through his body, seeing the stranger fall down onto the knees and soon onto the ground.
He raised his hand, and sort of brushed it across the wind. Suddenly, all the stars that were holding me together turned into dust, turned into nothing and fell onto the ground. I fell onto the ground, trembling with fear.
W-who, who, who was that person?!?!? I cry
Dont worry, oh! Right, I forgot to ask, whats your name? Jake ask
Sasha I say while I slightly tilt my head down.
What a nice name. Come in, let me explain more to you Jake offers and we walk back into the house.
He explains carefully and in detail about these assassins. They are all from the Dark Lord. Nobody likes them. Im told to be carefully because I was gifted, which also made me realise why. It was at the new years resolution dinner and Grendal came. He told me someone about giving me 5 more than average. I did not think much of it until now. Maybe its really something important, but the though of having people wanting to kill me just wasnt good.
I was told that there are 3 top rank assassins, the best of them all. I am told that Magic school is hard too, and also know that Jakes parents own magic school, I hear from Jake that those assassins are also after Jake too.
Why are they after you? Will you be okay?! I ask full of concern, Jake pats my back
Ill be fine He says Oh! You must be hungry! Its late, we should get some dinner
Wait, I stop him, I dont think I should eat dinner here, I mean, Youve helped me so much, I just dont. . . I just dont know I shift my eyes trying hard not to make eye contact with Jake.
Oh! Dont be silly, youre welcome here anytime. In fact, since Magic school starts tomorrow, I dont see why you cant stay the night,
B-but
no buts, you will right? He asks. I thought over this carefully, well, if I dont, I dont really have anywhere else to go, so why not, but then again, Ive only met him. My heart says yes, but my brain says no!
follow your heart not your brain
Sure, I dont see why not, I nod Thank you!
He takes me by the hand and mumbles a spell.
Where are w- I start to ask but really, I didnt get anytime. I start see blue glittery sparkles rose and wrap my body as I soon felt like teleporting from here to there.
Were here Jake said.
Wow, I say in awe
We walk into the restaurant and a waitress greets us, handing us each the menu. I carefully studied the menu, thinking carefully what I would like. My eyes slowly shift towards the price. Oh crap!
Umm, isnt it a bit too expensive? I whisper
Dont worry, just pick, dont even bother about the price He whispers back with a small giggle.
Wow, he sure seems like a really nice guy.
After we made our orders, he asks about my past, so I told him. From the New Years Resolutions day, how it changed my life forever. I explain about my selfish father, and about my little 4 year old brother.
I tell and ask about Grendal. Who is he and how did he know about me. I tell him how scared I was back there. I dont know why, but tears slip out from my eyes.
Oh, why are you crying? He asks softly
I-I miss father, and mother and Tom, my baby brother! I cry
Dont worry, I kno-
Your orders here The waitress says.
Why thank you I smile looking down, trying not to show my watery eyes. Soon after the waitress left, Jake and I had quite a quiet dinner. Well, the first half it was quiet, but Im not so sure about the second. With a scream from one of the lady waitress, and a huge crash of the glass window, I see another one of those bamboo freaks.
Cant I have a pleasant dinner without the need to be interrupted?! I hear Jake mumble.
Please wait here, Jake whispers in my ear, I nod slowly.
Jake walks up to the bamboo guy, I hear them having a conversation, but I couldnt make out what they were saying. Soon after, I see the bamboo guy start using daggers to poke Jake. Jake dodged them one by one. Then pulls 2 hands together and slowly moves them apart, revealing a staff.
Ahhh, the ancient staff. So godly, its worth a fortune!!! I hear the bamboo guy smirk. The bamboo guy mumbles something too, and he starts fightly so rapidly and quick. The dagger went left to right to top to bottom. Then one of the dagger hit Jakes shoulder and sends him flying back into the mirror, causing the mirror to break into a million pieces. Soon, joined by the bamboo person, came another 2. I suddenly remember about the 3 people Jake told me about. From out of those 3, I recognised the one that wants to kill me. I couldnt care about that person, I rushed to Jake.
Are you okay? Hurt? I ask covering the blood that was dropping rapidly from his shoulder. He didnt reply, he stood up and raises his staff in the air. From the tip of the staffs crystal, came rushing down, green sparks, the soon recovered the shoulders pain.
Jake glared at the Dagger bamboo freaky guy and said 3 words.
Go. To. Hell.
He runs up quick to the dagger guy, and teleports behind him, then uses a fire arrow to push him down to the floor.
He guy quickly stood up and tried using that really fast movement attack again, but this time, Jake was prepared, he dodged down, then from that crystal on the tip of the staff, send sparks, then from the dagger guys head, came lightning. I am more than happy for Jake. Sudden, from behind me, I feel someone putting a scarf in front of my mouth and nose. I sniffed it and soon fell into a deep sleep. . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hope you enjoy it!!!
Thanks to you, I have Maplestory Fan-fic Disorder (MFD).
=D
Angel, might I extremely critize your story, and you actually fixing it next chapter?
Ever so thankful.
Pul-leeze. The story line is the same everytime.
Some girl falls in love with a hot guy in the first chapter, and the damsel in distress comes along.
Can’t be more cliched than that.
The stuff I’ve mentioned on my last review of this story has not been looked at all.
The grammer.
The constant tense changers.
The PUNCUATION!
>.>
Ever so thankful.
Pul-leeze. The story line is the same everytime.
Some girl falls in love with a hot guy in the first chapter, and the damsel in distress comes along.
Can’t be more cliched than that.
The stuff I’ve mentioned on my last review of this story has not been looked at all.
The grammer.
The constant tense changers.
The PUNCUATION!
>.>”
Shatred, if that’s the case, why not i send you my story, then you check it, then send it back to me via pm. Then i post it. Because unfortunately, I am not as talented as you. As i said, i take all my critism very carefully, but i cannot seem to understand what went wrong, so next time before i post, I’ll send it to you, then you edit it, then send it back to me. Deal?
I do not see any problems, but then tense change annoys me quite a bit. Although, good story, I like how you describe your attacks. usually, i’ll just go
“use magic claws”. xDD
Just remember all the crap from english class, and edit your story until your eyes burn out.
Even if I edit for you, you will need to make your plot a lot less cliched.
@Shatred: I’ll try, but really, i can’t remember any of the things from english class. T.T
If you like, I can edit your story on another blog right now.
Bring back the old editing craze that Alter started.
Am I the only one that remembers the grammer stuff, or am I just a nerd? o.o
I see it, but I just don’t feel like editing right now.
Jebus, everyone’s breaking the rules of proper English.
Might as well write like dis.
lil nubs lolol
@Shatred:
We are all nerds, its just that your level of remembering stuff is higher. Ok, nerd! XD
I sleep in english. I draw in english. I do my math in english.
English is teh suxors. At least with the teacher i have this year. -.-
Not trying to be mean, But a few grammar errors.
Should be:
I’m told to be careful because I was gifted.
Should be:
I start to see glittery blue sparks rise and wrap my body. Then I felt myself teleporting from here to there.
And,
You didn’t properly puncuate your quotations :S
Also remember that any number below ten, you have to write in words. In the last few paragraphs, you kept saying “The 3 guys came back,” or whatever but 3 should be ‘three’.
Okay, end of long post ^^
Hope I helped
__<3Rain
Should be:
I’m told to be careful because I was gifted.
Should be:
I start to see glittery blue sparks rise and wrap my body. Then I felt myself teleporting from here to there.
And,
You didn’t properly puncuate your quotations :S
Also remember that any number below ten, you have to write in words. In the last few paragraphs, you kept saying “The 3 guys came back,” or whatever but 3 should be ‘three’.
Okay, end of long post ^^
Hope I helped
__<3Rain”
I will keep an eye out. thank you.
Maybe it’ll be better to write your story in past tense.
It’s AGONIZING to write in present tense, and since you’re telling the story, you should already know it, so it is in the past.
The only time suitable for present tense would be writing a diary. xD or like a log or something.
Not for stories.
Too painful.